Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Chris' Meme Part II

Here are the last 25 questions:

26. Do you like someone?
I like lots of people. I also dislike lots of people.

27. The last song you listened to?
"No You Girls" by Franz Ferdinand

28. What time of day were you born?
8:00 am-ish

29. What’s your favorite number?

30. Where did you live in 1987?
Mesa, Arizona.

31. Are you jealous of anyone?
Jealous? No. Envious in an admirable way? Yes.

32. Is anyone jealous of you?
Yes. Is it conceited if I say yes? Really, I am only being honest. There are a few people I know who demonstrate behaviors that lead me to believe they are jealous. And not envious in an admirable way.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I was getting ready to take Ubes to work. I can't remember why we were down a car that day. But we sat in our bedroom on the edge of our bed watching it. And then we listened to the Howard Stern on the radio on the way to his office and could not believe what we were hearing. It was like something out of a movie. I still get that heaviness in my chest when I think about it.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
I get pissed. But you know what is worse? Putting your money in, hitting the Diet Pepsi button, and getting a Sierra Mist instead. I swear that vending machine guy at work was messing with me. (Don't panic. This happened months ago. I have been clean and sober from all soda for 22 days.)

35. Do you consider yourself kind?
Yes. But I can be very unkind if provoked. I am not proud of that.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
On the top of my foot.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Spanish would sure be handy around these parts, but I love the sound of French.

38. Would you move for the person you loved?
Yes. I would love to live somewhere else. I keep begging Ubes but he is not as adventurous as I. Someday, when our babies are grown, we will live somewhere else for a year.

39. Are you touchy feely?
Yes. I'm a hugger. And I'll touch your arm when we talk. And if I really love you, I'll slap your ass when I walk by you. I'm sure I annoy the hell out of people. But I think physical contact is important.

40. What’s your life motto?
All you need is Faith, Trust and a little Pixie Dust

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
My phone, chapstick and gum

42. What’s your favourite town/city?
London. I love London. I am dying to go back.

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
Coffee this morning

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
I write thank you cards a lot. So maybe a few months ago?

45. Can you change the oil on a car?
No, but I'm super awesome at pulling my car into the service bay at Jiffy Lube. I'm also good at talking them down on the price and giving me a discount. No joke. Ubes thinks I am a genius.

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
I'm married to him so I have first hand knowledge of his antics all the time.

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
My great grandparents were Native American and lived on a reservation. My great grandmother traded her husband's two best hunting dogs for a silver spoon in the shape of sea shell because she thought it was pretty. When I was little, that silver spoon was always in the sugar bowl at my grandma's house. I loved the story about it because it seemed totally reasonable to me. Now it sits on top of my Longaberger recipe basket and I look at it every day. Sometimes I pick it up and hold it for a while, and sometimes I'll walk around with it in my pocket while I'm cleaning. It just reminds me that I came from a long line of strong women who like pretty things.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
What counts as fancy? I dressed up for a wedding almost two years ago. That was probably the last time I wore pantyhose. But I wore glittery eyeliner at Hunko Drunko Bunco this year, so there's that.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
Yes. My head hurts a lot lately. I think it's the diet and lack of caffeine.

50. Have you been burned by love?
No. I've only been in love once and I am still in love with him. Have I had my heart broken by a silly boy or two prior to that? Yes. But not broken beyond repair. Now, ask me if I have been burned by friendships and we could be here all night.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Thank God for Chris and his Memes because I have no inspiration lately.... Part I

25 of 50 Random questions....

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Shit. I forgot to color my hair yesterday.

2. How much cash do you have on you? Seven bucks. I'm the mother of three kids who constantly need money for something. So $7 makes me rich.

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR? Whore. Oh come on. You knew I would go there.

4. Favorite planet? Wow this is a tough one. Mercury always seemed like it had some balls, just because it's so small yet brave enough to be right out there in front. And Pluto is the underdog. Not even a planet anymore so how can you not feel sorry for it. And Saturn and those awesome rings... I don't know... Maybe Neptune because it's so pretty? Jeez. You're talking to a girl who asked for a telescope when she was 9 and is still pissed because she never got to go to Space Camp. You can't expect me to pick just one.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? Boo's friend Katie. Probably calling to talk about the latest episode of Victorious.

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? I have no idea. I never have my ringer on, Ever. It irritates the hell out of Uberman because I hardly ever answer my phone.

7. What shirt are you wearing? What makes you assume I am even wearing a shirt?

8. Do you label yourself? No. At least I don't think so. I don't think I fit in one category of anything. So . . . no.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing? Not wearing shoes right now, but earlier I was wearing Dollhouse.

10. Bright or Dark Room? It depends on what we are doing.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? I think he is HILARIOUS.

12. What does your watch look like? Like an accessory of awesomeness. It's a white Toy Watch with crystal bezel.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Tossing, turning and wishing I had not had that last glass of iced tea.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? From Ubes: Don't forget to call Penny and look for a groomer for the pups. I know, right. Don't hate me because my life is so freakin' glamorous.

15. Where is your nearest 7-11? Dude, I have no idea. I haven't seen a 7/11 in years. My nearest Circle K is about two miles south and the nearest QT is about 5 miles south east. But damn if this question doesn't make me crave a Slurpee.

16. What's a word that you say a lot? Asshole. Hey, at least I'm being honest.

17. Who told you he/she loved you last? My middle child, Mac. He is sick today and has needed lots of hugs.

18. Last furry thing you touched? A gross strawberry at the bottom of the container. Blech.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? I took tylenol yesterday because I had a bitch of headache. But that's it.

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? Who is developing rolls of film anymore?

21. Favorite age you have been so far? I think every year gets better, so I have liked all of them.

22. Your worst enemy? Oh wow, this is a loaded question. Honestly, my worst enemy is myself. There is no one more unkind to me than me. But I do have a nemesis or two... Remind me to tell you the story of Helicopter Mom. She's a real bitch.

23. What is your current desktop picture? Well, I'm not fancy so I just have that default rolling green hill that looks like the place where the Teletubbies lived. I should change it, but I'm lazy.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone? "Jovina, will you please call me? I need to know where you get your dog groomed."

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be? A million bucks. I don't think I really want the ability to fly. It would mess up my hair too much.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

I've been eating so much chicken lately I actually started clucking...

So Day 9 without Diet Coke. Can I get a hell yeah?? And even better? I don't really miss it. I am totally okay without it. Yes, I have been consuming a whole lot of iced green tea, but that is GOOD for you. Dr. Oz says so. And I believe EVERYTHING Dr. Oz says.

So I neglected to tell you all that I gave up SUGAR and CARBS at the same time. I know, right? What kind of crack was I smoking? And let's be honest, I totally wanted to take up smoking crack just to take the edge off. Are people even still smoking crack? Is that like, totally 1995? Did I just date myself? Whatever, it's hard to keep up man. Besides, I don't think I know anyone who openly does drugs. Unless you count all those moms at my kids' school who steal their kids' Ritalin. Oh what I wouldn't give for a child with ADHD.


But I digress. So I have been doing really well so far. I have not had the shakes and I haven't killed or harmed anyone. I know, right? Go me! But I did cheat a little on Sunday. Because ohmygod you guys, sometimes a girl just needs a red chili beef burrito, you know? And some chips and salsa. And maybe a beer. Just a large little one. (But it was happy hour and the large was TOTALLY a better deal.)(And how awesome is it that this restaurant has happy hour on a SUNDAY??)

And you know what? It was worth every calorie. Because the next day I felt rejuvenated and ready to get back on board with the no sugar-no carb-no diet coke-no fun diet. Because you know what is really no fun?

Heart disease.


High blood pressure.

Cottage cheese dimples in your thighs.

Being uncomfortable wearing sleeveless shirts because you're afraid if someone is unfortunate enough to be standing next to you while you reach for something you will totally knock them out with your enormous lunch lady arms.

That is no fun at all.