I don't write about work a whole lot anymore. I rarely have the kind of interactions with people that I had at the bank. If I interact with customers now, it's usually over the phone. I have the most boring job in the world. Lucky for me, there's a few thousand people in this building to give me fun stuff to share with you guys.
So..... A few weeks ago I was walking to the ladies room. The ladies room is kind of far from my desk, down a long aisle between cube walls and real walls. It's a straight shot. So as I walked toward the bathroom, I saw a woman exit. She was wearing a light, fluttery skirt, probably around knee length. Perfect for summer. And just as I was admiring that adorable skirt from afar, the owner of the skirt turned her back to me and began walking away from the bathroom.
And to my sheer horror, I realized her skirt was tucked into her panties. Her thong panties. And her entire ass was exposed to God and everybody. I started walking faster, hoping to catch her. But you guys, she was like 6 cubicle aisles away from me. Way too far to holler out "Excuse me, your ass is showing." And I didn't know this woman. I didn't want to humiliate her. But OHMYGOD how do you not suddenly feel like things are a little breezy back there??? I mean really. So after about 8 steps I gave up, she was too far for me to catch up to. You're on your own sweetie. No one can save you now. You should have been more careful and looked in the mirror before leaving the bathroom.
It was a pretty nice ass though. Not gonna lie. Smooth, no ripples. She obviously did a lot of whatever it is you do to make your butt look really round. If I had her ass, I'd have my skirt tucked into my panties "accidentally" all the time. Just sayin'.
Last week I was speaking to a customer on the phone. He sounded like a surfer dude. I totally thought I was talking to Crush from Finding Nemo. Shah. So at the end of the conversation, he says to me "You sound really pretty by the way."
Really? You're hitting on me over the phone, dude? So I replied, "Ummmm, thanks?" And then I moved on trying to keep him focused on business. But the dude wouldn't let it go.
"Where are you located?" he asked.
"Phoenix," I replied.
"Oh you should totally come visit me in Venice Beach," he said.
"Really?" I asked. "Can I bring my husband, my three kids and my stretch marks?"
The flirting stopped there.
The other morning, I was in the cafeteria getting some coffee. A woman walked up to the guy at the grill, held up one of the little menu/order forms and this is the conversation that ensued:
She: Excuse me?
She: When you say "croissant sandwich," what does that mean?
He: (blink blink)
She: I mean, does it come on a croissant?
He: (blink blink) Uuuuummmm, yes. It comes on a croissant.
She (obviously disappointed): Oh.
He: (still blinking)
She: Well, can I get it on something other than a croissant?
He: Yes. But then it's not a croissant sandwich.
She: Oh. You're right. I never thought of it that way.
He: (Eyes wide, staring)
She: Hmmmm. Okay, never mind. (Huge sigh)
He (looking at me): Did that really just happen?
Me: Yes it did.
He (shaking head): Unbelievable.
Me: I'm really happy you shared this moment with me.
He (laughing): Yeah, me too.
So there you go. A take your reader to work day, courtesy of yours truly. No need to thank me. This is what I do for you. I keep my eyes open, constantly looking for new stuff to entertain you. You are welcome.