Tuesday, April 19, 2011

7 Day Challenge - Day 7 - 7 things I do everyday

My life is so packed full with excitement, it's a wonder I haven't been offered my own reality show yet. Here are 7 typical activities for me each day. Don't hate me because your life is not this glamorous.

1. I consume a troublesome amount of Diet Coke. I know! Aspartame is bad for you blah blah blah. But at least it's not heroin so lets all just count our blessings.

2. I spend a troublesome amount of time on my cell phone. I talk to my mom. I text my husband. I text my oldest child. I text my friends. I check my Facebook. I check Twitter. I check emails. But at least it's not heroin so lets all count our blessings.

3. I check the news. Meaning I look up TMZ and People.com.

4. I iron something. Yes. Everyday. I'm one of those wacko moms who won't allow her children out of the house without creases in their sleeves. We iron EVERYTHING.

5. I do at least one load of laundry. Wash and dry. Folding is another story. But if we didn't have these piles of clothes all over the place, where would we sit?

6. I watch TV. I watch iCarly with my daughter. I watch Top Gear with my boys. I watch Baseball with Ubes. I watch various trashy TV shows like Real Housewives of OC and Mob Wives just for fun. I watch travel shows and a whole lot of BBC. Yeah. I'm a TV whore. (I do feel compelled to tell you I don't watch all of these at the same time or on the same day. Just so you know.)(Seriously. Stop judging me.)

7. I regret all of the things I didn't get done and swear I will do them tomorrow. I'm a procrastinator. But Fiddle Dee Dee. So what?

And the 7 Day Challenge is Finis! Oh I should have put that on the list! Every day I like to say certain words in French because it makes me feel fancy....

Monday, April 18, 2011

7 Day Challenge - Day 6: 7 Places I have been

I have been so lucky in my life to have travelled to a lot of fun places. I've been to Europe three times. I've been to some fun places in Mexico. I've been to Canada. I've been to the Caribbean. I've been to some amazing places within the United States. I've been everywhere, man.

And I have been to some really uneventful places too. So I thought it would be more fun to talk about those, because they get less press. So here's my list and some tips on where to go and what to do when you are there. Enjoy yourselves.

1. Tooele, Utah. (Pronounced by the locals at "Twella" but probably supposed to be "Too-el-uh.")(Or if you are trying to be funny, you pronounce it Tew-lee. Because people who have been to Tew-lee have a sense of humor.) This adorable little town is on the edge of the Great Salt Lake. It's a pretty cute little town, especially in the fall. . My mom's whole family is from there so it's full of crazy people. If you are looking for something to do, you can always go to the Wal-Mart. That is if there's no rodeo scheduled that day. Make sure you have a crispy meat burrito at Taco Time, super yummy. And call my Aunt Nellie so she can cook you dinner. The best place to eat in town, I guarantee!

2. Gila Bend, Arizona. (Pronounced Hee-la Bend) Seriously the armpit of the universe. Save your hate mail if you are from there. This is my opinion. By far the most depressing town I have ever driven through. The only thing to do there is stop at a gas station to pee. It sucks.

3. Wilmington, Delaware. (If you can't figure out how to pronounce this one, we have more problems than I can help you with here.) If Gila Bend is the right armpit, Wilmington is the left. No offense. But Wilmington sucks. I was there for three days on business in 1995. Three days way too long.

4. Overton, Nevada. Where I spent my first few years of life. And then I left. Now there's no reason to ever go there. Unless you are looking for someone to play horse shoes with you. In that case, it's a town full of contenders.

5. Black Canyon City, Arizona. And we all know how this one ended. Get gas there. And then get out.

6. Erda, Utah. Right next door to Tooele. Make sure you attend during Erda Days. I think you can actually chase a greased pig for a prize.

7. Kingman, Arizona. I would avoid this town all together. Everyone who comes from there is crazy. Timothy McVeigh anyone? Hello?? I mean yeah, it's got that whole Route 66 thing going, but is it worth it? I think not.

Tomorrow - Seven things I do every day.... Are you guys sick of me yet?

Sunday, April 17, 2011

7 Day Challenge - Day 5: 7 things I always carry

So the other day I was leaving work and this new chick says to me "Um, is your purse fake?" And I was all "Bitch, you want to step outside?"

Listen. I can handle criticism. You want to comment on my fat ass or my grey roots or my big teeth, fine. But you start questioning the authenticity of my handbag and I'm going to lay hands on you. Plain and simple.

Fake purses have no place in this world.

So. First and foremost....

1. I always carry a REAL handbag. I may have found it at the bottom of the pile at TJ Maxx or Last Chance, but it is real and it is spectacular. Believe that.

2. Within the handbag, I always have a smaller cosmetic bag. This one is usually something cheap but cute and its sole purpose is organization. I have a clear one just for the airport. (I'm all about making life easier for TSA.)(Plus getting frisked by a big chick named Mavis can get your vacay off on the wrong foot.)

3. Within the smaller bag, I always have gum. My preference is Ice Breakers Cubes in Peppermint.

4. Chapstick. Just plain. Although at Christmas I do love the peppermint. And I also have a mint citrus one that I keep in my desk.

5. Tylenol. I have a really cute sparkly pill box that I got a million years ago, so everyone knows I always have Tylenol. Ubes gets headaches a lot. I'm always prepared.

6. Hand sanitizer. I prefer the cute smelly ones from Bath & Body Works, but in a pinch I always have the plain. Nothing beats a glittery vanilla cupcake scented one, though.

7. Cell Phone. Kind of funny how we have lived most of our lives without these little beauties, yet the minute we leave the house without them, we feel naked and vulnerable and in a panic. How am I going to Tweet? How will I check my Facebook page? How can I text my random thoughts to my friends?? Oh and hey, what if there's an emergency and I actually have to (GASP) use a pay phone??? DO I HAVE ENOUGH HAND SANITIZER????

Tomorrow: 7 places I've been. Oooooh! This one is gonna be FUN! Because I've been to some pretty exciting places. Like Tooele Utah. And Gila Bend Arizona. Don't be jealous.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

7 Day Challenge - Day 4: 7 favorite things

Well we all know how much I love stuff, right? i have a go-gillion favorite things. This is pretty serious, where to I begin?

1. Charming Charlies - Okay, if you haven't been yet, don't say I didn't warn you. An entire store of nothing but accessories. And not teenager accessories like a Claire's Boutique. I'm talking serious necklaces, earrings, bracelets, shoes, handbags, etc. for your inner diva. The prices are so amazing, your purse will have an orgasm. But that only makes it easier to justify buying more stuff. So needless to say, according to Ubes, I am no longer allowed to enter the store unsupervised.

2. Bracelets - I know this might seem redundant after talking about where to buy bracelets, but I get them everywhere. I rarely leave the house without wearing a few. I love them. LOVE THEM. And nothing warms my heart more than seeing my daughter mix and match her own. My favorites are my Coach Bangles, John Hardy Chain bracelets, and my Betsey Johnson rhinestone. Aaahhhh... I feel so pretty.

3. Netbook - I love my Acer Netbook. I can take it anywhere, it fits in my purse. The battery lasts forever and it makes me happy. iPad, shmipad. I'm happy with my netbook.

4. Flip Flops - I don't know why. Maybe it's convenience? Maybe because they are so cheap so you can always justify another pair? I live for my flippy floppies. Ask Uberman, he's constantly tripping over them. And I think I have about thirty pair. My faves are my black sparkly crystalled and my brown leopard print from the Gap.

5. Netflix - If you are not on Netflix, you are not living. That should totally be their motto. The documentaries alone are amazing. And all those British Costume Dramas???? Getting me through the pneumonia that won't die. Greatest discovery since TiVo.

6. Seattle's Best Vanilla Coffee - This is the brand carried in the cafeteria at work. I am pretty sure there is an addictive chemical in it, aside from the caffeine. I can not start my day without it. I top it off with a good long squirt of vanilla cream and 1 artificial sweetener packet. And then the day is mine.

7. Planning a party: I know this may not seem like a thing, but it's totally an activity right? I love planning a party. Love it so much that when other people I know are planning a party it takes everything I have not to just completely take over and shout "You're doing it wrong, Dumb Ass!" My 40th birthday is in September and I am seriously planning my own party so that when my husband realizes he is going to be sleeping on the couch indefinitely if he doesn't throw me a huge bash, he will have all my notes and instructions and the planning will be a piece of cake. I'll just have to work on pretending to be surprised. Is that weird? No? I didn't think so.

So those are my a few of my favorite things. Tomorrow, seven things I always carry. Burdens and grudges totally don't count.

Friday, April 15, 2011

7 Day Challenge - Day 3: 7 things to do before I die

A few months ago, I posted my Bucket List: 100 things to do before I die. Since then, I have been very fortunate to cross some of those things off my list. So here are 7 more replacements:

1. See the Treasury at Petra in Jordan

2. Co-host a talk show with Kristen S (even if it's just pretend)(Or we could totally do a webcast! Like iCarly! But it would be called "iLike to make fun of people!")

3. Take up Yoga

4. Bring my parents with us to Disneyland

5. Go on a short trip with all of our couple friends (you know who you are!)

6. Go back to Berlin with my kids and in-laws

7. Help Uberman achieve his dream of owning a brewery What about you? Piece of cake, right? All seven are TOTALLY achievable.

What about you?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

7 Day Challenge - Day 2: 7 Friends and where I met them....

Oh wowsers. This is gonna be hard. (That's what she said.)

How do I choose just seven? I mean I'm a lucky girl. I have oodles of awesome friends. What seven do I pick? Who's gonna feel left out? O in no particular order, and with no preference over anyone else, I give you seven random friends that pop into my mind....

1. Uberman - He's my best friend so he goes first. We met on my 15th birthday. He was 14. I know, I'm such a cradle robber. Needless to say, I was not impressed at first. I thought he was stuck up, rude, spoiled and obnoxious. But after a few years, a friendship grew and next thing you know, I'm head over heals for the guy. And still, almost 25 years later, he makes me weak in the knees. He's been working so hard lately, trying to build a business, going to school and taking care of me and the kids (so I can rest and get better). He's amazing.

2. Dee - My BFF. My soul sister. My heart. I've told you the story, we met in 9th grade PE. I had just moved to Arizona and hated it. It was a complete culture shock. I missed my friends. I missed my family. My attitude sucked. And somehow, she saw past all that. She found my sarcasm hilarious. And still now, I know I can count on her to laugh at my jokes first, and tell my why it was inappropriate (but still funny) later. She is one of the few people who truly gets me.

3. Travis - Used to be my best girlfriend at work. Until he quit and left me in hell all by myself. And now he is a brother to me. Plus, I know he is one of the very few people I can ask to help me hide a body. He won't ask questions. He won't judge. He'll just show up with a shovel, some Mountain Dew Code Red and make me play the "Who is more successful at the box office" game while we dig.

4. Erin - I met Erin at a Mommy Group at church more than five years ago. Erin's like a firework. She is beautiful and loud and sparkly and bright and she just fills your heart with joy. In the past three years, she has been there for me. Always willing to listen. Always up for breakfast and a trip to Charming Charlies. I love this girl with all my heart and soul.

5. Kristen S - We met at work almost twenty years ago. Yeah, I prejudged her because of her gorgeousness. I mean come one, she looks like petite Barbie. Like Alice in Wonderland, but with a truck driver mouth. We planned our weddings at the same time and traded ideas for photographers and florists. Later we became a team, training the masses to appreciate the importance of a Positive Memorable Customer Experience (PMCE). Our classes were legendary. And here we are, still doing our best to join forces to make the world a better place. Someday we will have our own talk show. You mark my words.

6. Raia - So when I met Raia, I was reading this book that I found in a box belonging to my then roommate. The box was full of stuff my roommate's mom was planning to get rid of at a garage sale. I picked this book, that I had never even heard of but thought looked interesting. It was just some ratty paperback written more than 20 years prior. A few days later, I went to Raias house for dinner with some other friends, and there on her coffee table was the same book! She was right in the middle of reading it too. How weird is that?? So, where would I be without my Raia? One of the few people I know who will be on my side no matter what. Oh, she'll tell me if she thinks I'm wrong, but she won't let on to anyone else. We met at work as well. A job that completely sucked. But it was better because we were there together. Hungover a lot of the time, I'm not gonna lie to you. We have had many adventures together. And many more to come.

7. Stacey - We met through her mom Karen, My Other Mother. Stacey was 15, I was 18. She is my ginger haired little sister. Now, all these years later, I talk to her almost every day. Text, facebook, phone, whatever. If I need to talk, I know she's there. Even though she is in TexASS and I am here. Fingers crossed, she and her family will be back here soon and then let the hijinks begin. I love you Stace-Face. (PS, You never let me know today whether or not you had to bring out the "big guns." Wink wink. Call me!)

Tomorrow! 7 things to do before you die. (This is fun. You should do it too!)

And PS, I feel bad I left out so many amazing people I have in my life -(Kenny, Karen, Ames, Diane, Katie, Jess, Bex, Flint, Jovina, Brooke, Kim, Wendy, Lisa J, Serena, The Teacher, The Best Man, Beth, Auntie B, Sarah, She She. I would shrivel up and die without these people.) (Seriously?? What is up with Blogger and the paragraph problem?????? ARE THEY TRYING TO MAKE ME CRAZY????)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

7 Day Challenge - Day 1

Hello Lovers. Still working on my overrated/underrated actors list. I am taking this thing way too seriously. Which is hilarious because I gave Travis the HARDEST time about the process he went through to create his list. I think I may have even called him "crazy" and "anal" and "ridiculous." But not to his face, of course. I mean, I don't want to hurt his feelings. But the dude is a weirdo.

My friend Chris is doing this on his blog so I thought I would steal from him shamelessly. So thanks for the inspiration Chris, and you know I am not just talking about this Meme. This is a 7 day challenge. That's right people. 7 posts in 7 consecutive days. I am committed! Day 1 is a list of 7 interesting facts about me. I kinda feel like you guys know everything there is to know, but I'll try to come up with some new stuff....

1. Right now as I type this to you I am on my lunch break at work and I'm sitting at my desk doing an albuterol breathing treatment. People look at you funny when you are smoking a bong at work. Leave it to me to make pneumonia fun!

2. I get dressed in the dark every day because I leave the house by 5:30 and I don't want to wake up Ubes. So two weeks ago after being at work for 3 hours I went to use the ladies room and realized with sheer horror that I had grabbed the wrong underwear and for the first time in almost 20 years my bra and underwear did not match. I was uncomfortable the rest of the day. I mean what if I got in accident?? How was I going to explain that to the paramedics? Or, gasp! What if I was totally unconscious and couldn't even attempt to explain it?? I could hardly function until I made it home safely.

3. I may or may not have a teeny tiny bit of obsessive compulsive disorder.

4. When I was 7, I had a MAJOR crush on Robert Urich. I got to see him in person at an event in Las Vegas. He saw me staring at him and came up to talk to me. I started to cry. He bent down and asked me what was wrong and all I could do was wail "I don't know! I just love you so much!" And he gave me a hug without making me feel stupid. I was only 7, but I was pretty sure we were going to get married. When he died in 2002, I cried again.

5. I am 30 pounds from my goal weight. And I just got an amazing haircut. I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm pretty hot right now.

6. I'm comfortable with my confidence.

7. I'm a little embarrassed I told you about Robert Urich.

Tomorrow.... 7 friends and how I met them. Oooh it's gonna be a good one!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Thirteen on Thursday

Okay so you know how people do Ten on Tuesday? (And if you don't, it doesn't matter. I'm just trying to make conversation here.) Well I thought I would do Thirteen on Thursday. It's been forever since we talked last and we should get caught up. Yes? >

1. I've been sick. Again. Or still?? I should have gone to the doctor when I had the Zombie Flu. But I didn't because I'm busy. And guess what it turned into? Pneumonia. Which sucks. It hurts to breathe when you have Pneumonia. I'd rather be a zombie, I think. .

2. I have my hair in a pony tail at work today and I feel uncomfortable. My ears are too big to wear my hair back and the actual tail part feels limp and lifeless. I just feel like I am making a statement. "Look at my face!" or "I was too lazy to do my hair today." or "I'm really just trying to cover the sterling silver highlights." Either way, I feel blah. .

3. I haven't weighed in for three weeks. No excuse. Just didn't do it. But I'm okay with it. .

4. Last night my daughter said to me "Mommy, don't you just love the smell of cupcakes? And also new shoes?" And my heart exploded with a burst of butterflies and pink and purple glitter. .

5. I officially love beer. .

6. I was supposed to write a post about overrated and underrated actors two weeks ago and I just never finished it. Sorry Travis. But you do have that to look forward to. .

7. My work schedule finally changed. Can I get a whoop whoop?? Monday thru Friday Bitches. And I am back to 8 hours. A 10 hour day was killing me. Just depleting my fairy dust. And no one wants depleted fairy dust. .

8. I love Taylor Swift. I know. I can't help it. I think she's a big giant dork but I love her lyrics. Let the teasing begin. .

9. The puppies have added so much to our family. Even though Porter the obnoxious fat ass has eaten two pairs of my beloved shoes (my red peep toes and my black ankle boots) and they are still using my tile as a toilet. But OHMYGOD they are so cute and cuddly and I just love their squishy little faces! .

10. I'm changing. Maybe it's growing up, I don't know. But I am learning to let go. It feels good. .

11. I caught my oldest child staring at a girl's boobs last week. I am so not ready for him to be a teenager. .

12. If I found out the world was going to end in 30 days, my diet would pretty much consist of stuff smothered in buttercream frosting. And bacon. .

13. I miss you. .

(I realize it is now FRIDAY, but I wrote most of this on THURSDAY so it still counts. Does too!)

And Blogger is being a giant butthole so this post looks like crap and I am too tired of editing it and trying to get my page breaks in there so I am sorry for the jumbled mess but this is making me want to rip my hair out so I am going to stop. See? Letting go. It's a beautiful thing.