Thursday, September 23, 2010

Oh yes. This totally happened.

Let's start with a food confession: Tuesday night my dinner consisted of two Dogfish Head Punkin' Ales and a garlic bread stick. Hey stop judging me, I was totally within my points for Fat Camp. And in my own defense, pumpkin is totally a fruit. Hey I wonder what the fiber content is? I may have overestimated the point value....

The other night, Ubes and I were watching TV and there was a commercial on for toilet paper. You know the one with the cartoon bear? So the bear is sitting on the toilet singing before he wipes his youknowwhat and Ubes looks at me and says "I hate this commercial. Don't ever buy that toilet paper because this is just stupid. Who sings while they are wiping their ass?" Well hey guess what? Yesterday I went into the bathroom at work and there was a woman two stalls down humming quietly and singing while she was obviously working on a numero dos. So at least now we know the answer to Ubes' question.

Yesterday I also walked around for two minutes at work looking for my desk only to realize that I was in the wrong wing of the building.

For more than 24 hours this week I was being followed on Twitter by both Sea World and the Czech Republic. And just when I was completely convinced that I was kind of a big deal, they both quit following me. Maybe the Czech Republic thought I was an actual Queen. And maybe Sea World realized I am in fact not a whale, especially now that I am trying to lose weight. Bah Dum Bum. Ah, fat jokes at my own expense. I crack myself up! Either way, I got Twitter dumped by an entire country and an amusement park. But I'm pretty sure I am still kind of a big deal.

I'm totally, hopelessly, helplessly, head over heels hooked on Jersey Shore. I want to stop and I can't. I'm even following Snooki on Twitter. There. I admitted it. And now you know. I feel better, don't you?

Good news. Pumpkin is super high in fiber. I looked it up on the Google. Think I'll go drink another beer since it's so healthy. It must be 5:00 somewhere....

4 comments:

Julie said...

I'll forgive you for Jersey Shore ONLY because I've started watching Glee after bitching about it for a year. I'm a total hypocrite, and I hate myself a little for it. Whew, it does feel better to admit it though.

Oh, and I'm pretty certain my middle daughter sings while on the toilet, but she is three, so she is forgiven.

kristen s said...

Dude -- The 'singing bear' toilet paper is the ONLY kind I'll buy! So, if Ubes ever happens to be over at my house and has to drop a deuce (hey -- stranger things have happened), he'll have no choice but to use it. AND, I'll expect him to sing :)

Raz said...

My favourite part of this? You walking around not realising where you were. I walked around the Biology section of the library for about ten minutes before realising it wasn't even CLOSE to the FLOOR I needed to be on. Bad times.

WILLIAM said...

I am like Ubes and make weird requests like "do not buy that kind of TP because the commercial is stupid."

I agree, if they suck at advertising they don't deserve my business.