Friday, September 17, 2010

In response to "Inspiration"

Dear Bill,

I want to run. I want to be like Lauren, signing up for half marathons and bad ass stuff like that.

I am down 9.5 pounds since August 9. I have had to fight tooth and nail for every ounce. It's not just falling off like it did when I was younger. (Oh those carefree days of experimenting with eating disorders. How I miss you.) I have so many more to go Bill.

It's so difficult and I hate it. Every. Damn. Minute.

And today I am really struggling with food. There's some stress going on around these parts and I feel the need to comfort myself with food that is bad for me. I want a red chili beef burrito from Carambas. Or Polla Con Queso from Ajo Al's. Or my mom's white trash potato casserole. Or my Aunt Vonna's boiled fudge cake. Or Thanksgiving.

And because I am fighting so hard for every ounce of weight, I want to give up.

But I don't.

Because I already feel better. 9.5 pounds is nothing compared to what I have to lose. (I'd like to lose 40 more.) But that 9.5 has given me more energy, more comfort in my clothes.

It's SO HARD. (That's what she said.) And I don't want to do it anymore.

But I do.

I have to. I have to get healthy.

And you have inspired me to get started. To keep going. Remember what you said to me on the phone that night? You said JUST DO IT. Just get out there and run. Take five steps today and 6 steps tomorrow.

So get your 189 pound ass out there at 5:00 in the morning and run. Because you are my Black Hockey Jesus and you're keeping me motivated. And my promise to you is the three days a week I don't have to be at work at 6:00 am, I will get my enormous ass out there and work my way up to running. I can't sleep in anymore anyway, might as well get outside and start ticking stuff off my bucket list.

And then someday, you, Lauren and I will run a half marathon together. Hell, I'll even come to Philly for it. And Uberman will watch the kids while we run and then we'll all go look at a Philly Cheesesteak and remember the good ole days when used to actually eat them.

Now I have to go. It's time for my snack. I'm gonna go eat a Fiber One bar and pretend it's a rice crispy treat.

With nothing but love and admiration,


WILLIAM said...

You rock April. I also hope my post was not a "poor pitiful me" post. It was more about Lauren.

and I am someone elese BHJ is very cool. And you are right. Just do it. Yesterday I ran 4 miles. I hate it. I am uninspired. but I hope to get back.

You rock.

WILLIAM said...

Oh and also congrats on the 9.5 lbs. That is just where you should be. 10 lbs a month.

Lauren said...

You both rock. You are both an inspiration- To me, to lots of people reading. Who can't relate to wanting to weigh less? It's hard, but any goal worth achieving is. You keep on, keepin' on, girl! I will so run that half marathon with you, you just let me know when!!

chandy said...

Congrats on your weight loss April! That's awesome!

There is no better time to start than right now. Invest in some good running shoes (it would even be worth it to get fitted at a place like Runners Den, where they can look at your stride and help you find the right shoe for you), strap on your ipod, and go for it!

I also find it is very inspiring to talk to other runners about their journey. I remember talking to an older man at the Runners Den who told me that he decided to start running in his 20s. When he started, he couldn't make it more than three houses without walking. He's now run more than 50 something marathons and hasn't skipped a day of running in 30+ years. I love to hear the stories of people who started slow and became awesome. It gives me hope!

kimchad143 said...

I am so PROUD of you!! You are doing great, keep up the good work. Adding exercise will help the weight come off even faster and you will definitely notice the difference in how you feel!! I pray for energy and the motivation you will need to keep it up! If you ever want to walk/run in the mornings or evenings, call me:)Love ya!

Caitlin said...

Oh my Apes. I am so proud of you. It is really hard to make changes, but look! LOOK! You are doing it! You are DOING IT!! (TWSS) Because you are AWESOME and STRONG.

I have a number that is my Highest Weight Ever (Recorded). I have hit it or gotten within a pound or so three times in my life, and when that happens it's always because I've been out of control and not feeling good about myself. Then I manage to turn things around and get back on track. A) that is not a good pattern and I want to change it for good. and B) I recently came within 1.5 pounds of that number which scared me enough to start using Daily Plate and counting calories and working out and getting myself back under control. (Also motivating: Upcoming trip to Jamaica. Yikes.)
You know what my problem was? I stopped saying No to myself. No, you don't need (or really even want) that candy bar. No, you can't sit on your ass tonight, you need some exercise. The thing is, I feel so much better when I say no to myself. Because then I am in balance, and I am stronger, and I just feel so much better.
Why am I sharing all this? I guess because I like to blab but also because I think it is really helpful to know that other people are going through Stuff too. You are not alone - not by a long shot.

On that note, please feel free to use my running motto, which I totally stole from someone else and can't remember who: Running. No matter how slow I am, it's always faster than riding the couch.

LOVE YOU. xoxo

PS - OMG If you come to Philly I am so tagging along and chasing/stalking you in that Half OMG!

Stacey said...

You are doing exactly what you should be doing. Before you know it, that 40 lbs will be gone and you'll feel like a million bucks!

I'm struggling, as well. But I'm getting back on track.

I've been wanting to get running, as well. I need to. I want to. But I don't. I keep coming up with excuses...when it gets cooler. When I lose another 5 lbs. No more excuses. I'm doing it with you. But in sprit. Because I live in Tex-ASS.

And by the way - you had me at Pollo Con Queso from Ajo's. Holy Mother Mary, that stuff is good. I remember when I used to live there, and eat it once a week and my jeans were all size 3's. Skinny bitch.