This week I have chosen my incredible 12 going on 40 year old son to interview. He was very gracious and kind and only slightly irritated I interrupted his playing schedule, he just got the new Blur game over the weekend and we have barely seen him. (The other two have been up north at my Mom and Dad's, so it's been a pretty quiet weekend for me and Ubes.)
Just to let you know some back ground info on my oldest child. He is amazing. He is kind, sweet and smart. Last night he was out in the driveway helping Ubes do something to one of our cars and he and I had the following conversation:
"Mom, you have bird feathers in your radiator," he said. "Did you hit a bird?"
"I don't know," I shrugged my shoulders. "How do you know I have feathers in my radiator?"
"Come here," he said, motioning me towards the front of my Yukon. He shined a flashlight into the grill and pointed. "See the feathers?"
"Oh," I said. "Wow. I guess I hit a bird."
"Yes," he laughed. "I guess you did."
"How do you know that's the radiator?" I asked in awe.
He blinked at me for a minute. "Because it's in the front of your car. That's where it goes."
"Oh," I said. "But what is it?"
"It's the big thing that keeps your engine cool," he said with a smile.
"Oh. How do you know that?" I asked him. "You're 12."
"I don't know," he said. "Because Dad tells me stuff and I listen. And I read about cars. And I'm a guy."
"Wow, Junior," I said. "I don't know anything about cars and radiators and stuff."
"That's okay Mom," he said as he put his arm around me. "I don't know what decoupage is. We're even."
He's amazing. You're going to love him.
Me: Come here please. I am in the office.
Jr: You said that like I did something wrong. What did I do wrong?
Me: You didn’t do anything wrong. Why do you keep asking me that?
Jr: Because that’s basically how it goes.
Me: Want to be interviewed for my blog?
Me: Okay sit down.
Jr: Where? In dad’s chair?
Me: So what’s it like being the son of such an awesome person?
Me: That’s exactly what your dad said when I asked what is it like being married to someone so awesome. You can’t come up with a better answer?
Jr: No not really. How long is this going to take?
Me: Not long. Why, you got a hot date?
Me: What’s it like being the oldest of three kids?
Jr: Very, very hard. And I don’t like it either.
Jr: Because my siblings put so much stress on me. Plus they think they are better than me.
Me: How do they put stress on you?
Jr: Because I’m always worried about them. I have to take care of them.
Me: You don’t have to. We do. How do they think they are better than you?
Jr: They challenge me at lots of things. Especially when we are playing the Wii. They team up and try to cheat and make me lose.
Me: Do you think they are intimidated because you are older?
Jr: Yes. That and I am so awesome.
Me: So what do you want to be when you grow up?
Jr: I’m still deciding on that. That’s a difficult decision. I’m still thinking about being a pro golfer. Or I’d like to work as an engineer or designer for a car company. I’d really like to work for BMW or Ferrari.
Me: You realize you will have to go work in a different country if you work for either of those companies?
Me: Will you always come home for Christmas?
Me: And my birthday?
Me: Will you buy me nice presents?
Jr: Yes. If I’m rich.
Me: Like what?
Jr: I might bring you a car.
Me: You know I’ve always wanted a car with a big red ribbon on it in the driveway. Would you do that? Put the ribbon on it?
Jr: Of course.
Me: Have you ever kissed a girl?
Jr: Mom. Really?
Me: Yes. Just answer the question.
Jr: No. You’re ridiculous.
Me: Do you want to kiss a girl?
Jr: Uummmm... No? Not really?
Me: See the way you phrased your answer makes me think you are lying because you think that’s what I want you to say.
Jr: Is it?
Me: I don’t know. Are you lying?
Me: Are you going to drink beer when you grow up?
Jr: I don’t know. I might. Wow. You type really fast.
Me: Don’t change the subject. You are planning to drink beer?
Jr: Probably. Yes. But responsibly.
Me: What about smoke cigarettes?
Jr: No! Put that answer in all caps. And underline it if you can.
Me: What happens to you if you smoke?
Jr: You die.
Me: What kills you?
Jr: Cancer. Or you will kill me when you find out.
Me: If you were smoking I would be the one who would die. Of a broken heart.
Jr: Really? That’s sad.
Me: Well keep that in mind if you ever light up. Tell me how you like to spend your time.
Jr: I like to play video games and mess around on the computer.
Me: What does that mean, mess around?
Jr: Like play games. Do research about cars and stuff. That’s pretty much it.
Me: You’re about to start 7th grade. How do you feel?
Jr: Because it’s going to be a lot harder. A lot more difficult and more confusing.
Me: But you’re a smart kid. You get straight A’s. What do you have to worry about?
Jr: I don’t know. I’ve never been in 7th grade before. It’s going to be different.
Me: Do you think you’ll get a girlfriend this year?
Jr: I don’t know. I’m keeping my options open. How many questions are there?
Me: There’s no set number. Do you think I’m cool?
Jr: Because you’re my mom. And I’m cool. So that makes you cool.
Me: So I’m cool by default?
Jr: It’s not a bad thing. You have to take what you can get.
Me: What about Dad? Is he cool?
Jr: Yes, no doubt.
Me: What makes him cool?
Jr: Same as you. Plus he lets us do more stuff than you do.
Me: It’s because I love you more than he does. I want to protect you.
Jr: Yeah, I don’t think that’s really why. But if it helps you deal with it, that’s fine.
Me: You realize I am going to change your answers to make me look better, right?
Jr: And this will be the last time you interview me without my publicist present.
Me: How did you get to be so smart?
Jr: I don’t know. Just lucky in the gene pool.
Me: Well you got that from me. That came from my end of the gene pool.
Jr: Okay Mom. Are we done? Can I go play my game again?
And there you have it. The kid is freaking awesome. And handsome as can be with his big blue eyes, curly hair and dimples. Am I lucky or what?