Monday, June 14, 2010

An Interview: Uberman

So I have been a little stumped at what to blog about lately. Seeing as how my life has been so exciting. I know dude. Watch out Lindsay Lohan. I am taking over as America's Wild Child.

So I had an idea to interview some people and turn it into a maybe weekly post. What do you think? Well, too bad because I am doing it anyway.

My first guest is none other than the amazing Uberman. (Thunderous applause!) And away we go....

Me: Uberman, we would like to welcome you to the blog. How are you doing today?
Ubes: Doing what?
Me: No, how are you doing today? Like, what's your overall mood?
Ubes: About an 8.
Me: Is that a scale of 1 to 10?
Ubes: 1 to 11.
Me: Why just an 8?
Ubes: Because there is always room for improvement.
Me: So what's it like being married to the most awesome woman in the universe?
Ubes: Awesome.
Me: Come on! You have to be interesting.
Ubes: (Burps loudly)
Me: (Glares. Rolls eyes while making a "Hmph" sound.) Babe! Come on. Please help me with this!
Ubes: Ok.
Me: What's it like being married to the most awesome woman in the universe?
Ubes: I'll let you know when I marry her.
Me: Okay so what's it like being married to me?
Ubes: An interesting adventure every day. Good enough to make a movie out of.
Me: AW! That's really sweet. What's your favorite thing that we do together?
Ubes: (giggles)
Me: Besides that?
Ubes: I love seeing the world with you. I like it when we get up on Sunday mornings and watch travel shows all day.
Me: What's your favorite place we have ever been?
Ubes: Driving on the Autobahn. Or Yankee Stadium. Or the Hofbrauhaus.
Me: What do you like most about my hair?
Ubes: It smells good.
Me: What about my face?
Ubes: It's pretty.
Me: What's your favorite pair of my shoes?
Ubes: The hooker ones.
Me: Which ones?
Ubes: Those new gold and brown ones you just got are pretty bad ass.
Me: YES! I love those too!
Ubes: And I like your pink Air Force Ones.
Me: What's your favorite thing I cook for you?
Ubes: Wonder Mix.
Me: What about dinner?
Ubes: Soup. I like it when you make me soup.
Me: Who's my coolest friend?
Ubes: Flint. She brings me beer.
Me: You realize this is going to cause serious fall out? Kristen is gonna be pissed you didn't pick her. And what about Dee? She is not going to be happy. And what about Erin?? She might stop bringing you salsa!
Ubes: Clint is the one who makes it.
Me: You probably just got kicked out of Erin's inner circle with that comment.
Ubes: Bros before hos.
Me: If you could surprise me with one totally awesome gift, what would it be?
Ubes: A winning lottery ticket. A book deal. A trip around the world. Dinner with Sam Calagione.
Me: Mmmmmm, Sam.... What do you like most about our kids?
Ubes: They make me happy. I like being a dad.
Me: I think you favor Boo.
Ubes: Because she's a baby.
Me: She's six.
Ubes: She's still my baby girl. She still has all her baby teeth.
Me: If you could be a superhero, who would you be?
Ubes: Wolverine. Because he's bad ass and he rides a motorcycle and he gets to hook up with hot chicks. No wait. I'd be Iron Man. Because of all those things and he has cool cars and he likes to party.
Me: What famous person would you like to have dinner with? And don't say Megan Fox.
Ubes: Beyonce.
Me: Where do you want to sleep tonight?
Ubes: What?
Me: What famous person would you like to have dinner with? For real?
Ubes: Derek Jeter.
Me: What?? Why?
Ubes: Because he's Derek Jeter. Or that new foreign chick from She's Out of My League.
Me: No.
Ubes: This isn't fair. You are asking me and I am answering. You can't say no.
Me: I can do whatever I want. It's my interview. Tell me three things you would like to do before you die.
Ubes: Own my own brewery, go to Cooperstown, and run with the bulls in Pamplona.
Me: How do you feel about my blog?
Ubes: I didn't like it at first but now I dig it.
Me: Why?
Ubes: Because it's a creative outlet and you are creative. It's a good thing. You got me into blogging. It has opened new doors for us.
Me: Except I never get anything free like you do. It sucks. Even William at Poop and Boogies gets free diapers. Sheesh. You would think I could score some free shoes. Or at least some diet coke with vanilla from Sonic.
Ubes: Yeah. Bastards.
Me: What are you going to get me for my birthday?
Ubes: Vibrating panties.
Me: I'd rather have an iPad. And shoes.
Ubes: I'll see what I can do.
Me: What do you love most about me?
Ubes: I love that you make me laugh. All the time. You make me feel warm and fuzzy.
Me: Aw! You are so sweet. Will you run to Sonic and get me a diet coke with vanilla?
Ubes: Hell no. I'm not going anywhere.
Me: (Sighs)

And scene.

If you are interested in being interviewed by me, please let me know. I would be happy to include you in my new weekly series. And for those of you who don't want to be interviewed by me, too bad. I am asking you anyway. (Gotham Girl, I'm looking at you. And you too Virginia. And William. And Stacey. And Karen. And Mom. And Travis. Prepare yourselves!)

9 comments:

Stacey said...

Me??!! You want to interview ME??!!

Word.

And by the way, the word verification word is "aphoohyd". Um, wtf? Doesn't word verification generally contain a word?

chandy said...

I think vibrating panties just might make my work day a little brighter!

WILLIAM said...

What the hell is wondermix?

Trisha said...

Uberman is a great interview! I would love to actually hear that giggle though.

meowmomma... said...

queen,
the fact that ubes participated proves that he truly has the biggest, um, no wait.
What a guy! Hubster would have been out the door, down the road, gone baby gone, cuz I ain't doing no stinkin' interview on the internet!

but he might have come back from sonic with a diet coke with vanilla for me!!!

btw ~ my "word" is rettedl ~ who makes up this shit?

"Intentionally Katie" said...

Laugh. Out. Loud. Uberman cracks me up. And I like how you responded to one of his answers with "no." What a way to start my morning...

You know I'd be up for interviewing but it wouldn't be nearly as funny as Ubes. Of course, you make everything funny, so after interviewing me, Comedy Central might call and ask me to do my own stand up series. Or they'd call you...who needs a book deal when you could do stand up!?!?

Caitlin said...

I love you guys. This is perfect.

But you cannot interview me because 1) my feelings are hurt that you did not include me in your list above, and I am 5 years old and thus such things are important and 2) I refuse until I get some of that Wondermix that was drunkenly promised me via text message 7 months ago, because I am 5 years old and thus such things are important.

That is all.

PS - Pics of the shoes, or they didn't happen.

kristen s said...

What the EFF, Brandon?! I'm NOT your favorite friend of April's? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! Brandon doesn't deserve any more Wonder Mix after that answer, April. Give it all to me.

p.s..... Do they really make vibrating panties? Not that I'm personally interested or anything....*shifts eyes*.... I have a 'friend' who wanted to know.

Andrea said...

We thought of you and Brandon every time we went to the Brewery in Tahoe. You'll have to tell him that James drank plenty in his honor. :)