Last Saturday I had to work until 1:30ish and Uberman had an appointment for a side job at 1:00, meaning the kids would be home alone for about an hour. Stop judging me people, my oldest is 12 going on 40. And they all know the basic rules:
No answering the door or the phone unless it's one of us.
Keep the alarm set.
No going outside.
No using the stove.
No using the computer.
Don't do anything you wouldn't do if mom and dad were home.
So when I left work, I called home to let them know I was on my way.
And the phone rang and rang and went to voice mail. I waited a few minutes and called again. It rang and rang, then went to voice mail. I called Junior's cell phone. Again, no answer. By this time I am a little worried. One of my pet peeves is not being able to get a hold of someone. So I wait and try again. No answer.
Now I'm pissed. And wondering why they aren't answering.
Finally on my FIFTH attempt at calling the house, Mac answers the phone.
Me: Dude! Why aren't you guys answering the phone?
He: I didn't know where one was.
Me: Seriously? Did you look?
He: No, we're on level 5 of the new game. Couldn't pause it without the risk of dying.
Me: So why did you decide to answer it now?
He: I needed a drink.
Me: Dude. I have been calling for 10 minutes! I must have called a million times.
He: Oh, that was you?
Me: Mac. I don't like it when I can't get a hold of you guys. I get worried when you are home alone and not answering the phone.
He: We're home alone?
Me: Ummm, yeah? If Dad's not there and I'm not there, that means you're home alone.
He: You're not here?
Me: OHMYGAWD! What do you think? I'm calling you from my closet?
He: Where are you?
Me: On my way home from work!
He: Oh. I didn't know you weren't here.
Me: Are you kidding me? Didn't you wonder why you hadn't seen me all day?
He: No, I just thought you were busy doing stuff.
Me (sighing): Where is your brother?
He: Can you bring us home some Taco Bell?
These kids are giving me gray hairs and wrinkles. I want my money back.