Yesterday, my customer Cutie Dry Cleaner (CDC), told me a story about one of his customers. This woman called him from her car, while sitting in front of his store, and asked if he could please bring her clothes out to her. She wouldn't get out of her car because there was a balloon on the ground in front of the bike shop next door.
A balloon. She was deathly afraid of balloons.
Apparenty this is a real fear called globophobia. Unless you are only afraid of the balloon popping, and then it's called ligyrophobia. Oh yeah baby, CDC said "woman afraid of a balloon" and I went straight to The Google. After I stopped laughing uncontrollably, of course. I mean come on! A balloon? I would totally get it if there was a clown standing there holding the balloon, that would freak me the flip out, too and I wouldn't get out of my car either. But a balloon just laying on the ground? That is FUNNY!
But then I thought who the hell am I to laugh at this woman. I have some fears. There's the usual fear of flying. And snakes and pretty much all reptiles/amphibians and anything that jumps. Oooh it gives me the willies just thinking about them. Not a huge fan of small, confined spaces like packed elevators and those nasty play areas in fast food restaurants (I still haven't forgiven Junior for the time I had to climb up and retrieve him because he was to afraid to go down the slide. I realize he was two but I was like 7 months pregnant with Mac and that was just inconsiderate of him, you know?).
But I also have other fears that are probably silly and unreasonable to the average person.
Like my fear of Jello. Oh. My. Gawd. Jello freaks me out. I can't stand the sight of it. I mean what is it? It's not a liquid, yet not quite a solid. It's just so wrong. Anything that defies the laws of physics is just not normal. I can't be in the same room with someone eating it. Oh sure, I will make amazing Jello shots for parties (you are welcome, Flint), but I am not happy about it. I don't want to touch it, see it, hear it, smell it, and there is no way in HAY-ELL I am tasting it. Blech!
And I really hate those cans of pressurized biscuits. The anticipation of peeling the label and the stupid thing popping open in your hand. No thank you. Oh, I just got the chills.
And what about Ubes' obesession with putting gas in the car while the car is still running?? I try to make up an excuse to get out of the car like "I could really go for a refreshing carbonated beverage." or "I have to pee (even though I really don't like the idea of gas station bathrooms)." I just know one day he is going to blow us up.
And I know for a fact as soon as I see a scary demon/devil/evil movie like The Exorcist or Paranormal Activity I will immediately become possessed and start vomitting pea soup all over everyone. It could totally happen. And I know because I have heard all about it in Sunday school.
And I won't consume milk from anywhere but my own home because I know I can check the expiration date. And I am telling you people, at midnight on the day that milk expires, it is BAD. It has an internal sensor that sours it at the exact moment the clock strikes 12:00. True story.
And if I can't open a freestanding US Mail Box to make sure my letter (Netflix) is not trapped between the swinging door and the upper part of the inside of the mailbox?? Well, I feel anxiety for days.
And Steve Nash. I don't know what it is about this guy. His extra wide set eyes? His nasty, sweaty hair flopping back and forth while he runs up and down the court? It doesn't matter. I see him on TV, a magazine or even unluckily once at Scottsdale Fashion Square, and I know I will have nightmares. Holy Haysoooos. Something about this guy just completely creeps me out.
And OMG what if, just what if, Revlon stops making my Pearl Plum Super Luscious lip gloss? The very thought of it keeps me awake at night.
And I'm a firm believer that little kids with dirty hands and/or boogery noses have cooties.
And I hate birds. (Hmmm... Partially explains my Steve Nash aversion considering his eyes are so far apart.)
So maybe a lady afraid of balloons is not so weird.... What about you? What silly things are you afraid of?