Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Things I know because I work at a bank....

Nobody has any money. No one.

And the people who do have money, don't have as much as they did two years ago. Seriously. I checked.

People pick their nose in the drive thru. I think it's the boredom.

Some people don't know their bank account numbers. A lot of people. And if you are reading this and you don't, shame on you.

People don't like to wait in line. I know. This one surprised me too.

Time moves slower in the bank. You could be in line for one minute and thirty seconds, but you will swear up and down you were waiting for 15. Something happens when you walk in the door, the laws of time become null and void.

The person you think has a lot of money has nothing. And the person you think has nothing, is loaded. (But not as loaded as they were two years ago.)

People don't think it's funny when you deposit their money in the wrong account. They don't care if it was an accident. Even though they don't know their own account numbers.

Inflation even affects strippers. The popular thing to do is give them $2 bills. And it just makes your day when you get a stack of oily, glittery $2 bills from a girl named Candi. Why does it always have to end in "i"? Anyhoo, Travis used to say the $2 bills smelled like shame and broken dreams. And herpes. I love that. The line about shame and broken dreams, that is. Not herpes. I have never had herpes but I hear it is unpleasant.

Old people don't like to show ID.

A lot of you are lying about your weight on your drivers license.

Guys will flirt with you to get out of paying fees. This doesn't work. It just pisses me off.

Clive Owen is never sleeping in the vault. Trust me because I check. Every day.


Andrea said...

That is so funny and true! And, I just had my driver's license redone last month and I lied and put 15 pounds less. :0

Chris H said...

Over here (NZ) we don't have to put our weight on our driver's license's.. thank God!
And I for one do not know my bank account number... sue me!

Girl Going Skinny said...

Thank God in NZ we don't put our weight on! Stupid question but why is it done in the USA? Is it just too piss many woman off?

The Maid said...

I have been both the one with more money than I appeared to have, and am now the one with a helluva lot less than I did. LOL

Sadly, however, what I do have left is all in $2 bills.


PS - Tell Travis that the next time he slips a $2 bill in my g-string that I expect him to keep quiet about my broken dreams. The only shame is that I can only work the "Chubby chicks" night at the club.

DevilsHeaven said...

I have never known my bank account number. Too many numbers to remember! Heck, I don't even have my hub's cell # memorized! I think that is more lame than the bank acct#!!!!

Trisha said...

Thanks for the info about banking. I must admit that I don't have my bank account number memorized but I never head to the bank without checking it first and making sure that I have it available.

print girl inc said...

i worked at a bank in college and every. single. one. of those is true.

Julie said...

Shame on me, I do not know my bank account number . I guess I have to go learn it now.

Oh, and my drivers license WAS correct until two children ruined my body!

Jennifer M. said...

I have no reason to know my bank account number. The only reason I would ever need it if the ATM breaks. And if/when that happens, I can read it off of my checkbook that goes largely unused due to the fact that most of my bills are auto-payed and the rest can be paid by the click of a button online.

I also don't know my mom's phone number. My phone thinks for me. This probably isn't a good thing.

Andrea said...

I read your blog everyday...how did I miss this post?? I am laughing my fat ass off right now! Love ya!

Andrea said...

Oh and I believe it was you who told me to lie like a sack of shit about my weight on my drivers license....I could be mistaken..and be proud of me, I know my bank account numbers, and everyone's phone number that I care to call...