Aaahhh Sweet Friday... We are together at last. I love you so much. I would marry you but I am already engaged to my shoes. We can still make out though.
I know! Clever, right? Yeah, I crack myself up, too. Sigh.
So why isn't today a good day? Well, I'll tell you why. And it's dumb. And really superficial. I am actually embarrassed to tell you this. Well not too embarrassed because I am going to tell you anyway. Are you ready?
I look terrible today.
No really. I do. I am wearing black trousers and a hot pink flouncy shirt and my silver ballet flats with the big buckle on the toe. I even have on a cool long silver necklace and a silver sequined bracelet. I know, it sounds awesome, right? So I have been at work for a few hours and just went into the restroom. I caught my reflection in the mirror and did a double take. I was horrified. First of all this shirt makes my boobs like they are sleeping. Why didn't anyone tell me this? I mean how hard is it to say "Hey April, your boobs look terrible in that shirt." Not that difficult. I would totally tell you if your boobs looked bad. That's what real friends are for.
But it's not just the boobs. My hair sucks today too. All flat and lifeless. And flipping on one side where there should be no flipping at all. I think I need a hair cut. But I don't know what I want. Should I cut it? Try growing it out and just get some layers? I don't know. Plus, I need a color desperately. Freaking gray hairs trying to ruin my life.
And then there's the dark circles. And bags under my eyes. I look tired. And I always thought it was impossible to look tired in a bright color. That is the whole point of hot pink, right? Maybe I need a new blush or something. Or some bronzer. Or an eye job. I definitely hate my eyebrows. Maybe I should google some plastic surgeons. Look into a face lift. And new boobies. And maybe a tummy tuck.
But I should lose some weight first.... Maybe I should stop eating milk duds. And salt and vinegar chips. And doughnuts. Mmmmm, I love doughnuts. And Cheetos. And the Buffalo Chicken sub at Ballpark Pizza. Mmmmm, pizza...
So I guess you could say I am having some self esteem issues today. And some self control issues as well. Aren't you so glad you stopped by?