Thursday, February 25, 2010

iTunes is the anti-Christ. Google that.

Someone hacked my iTunes account. I blame Beyonce.

Seriously. I mean I never had any problems with iTunes, ever. In five years people. Hundreds of downloads with no problems. And then I get stupid and sappy about a Beyonce song and BOOM! Hacked. Coincidence? Oh I don't think so.

And here is the worst part. Pay attention, this is important. Itunes doesn't care. Yes. You read that correctly.

On Friday I downloaded 5 songs. I had $37 in credit on my account. The total amount of my 5 songs with tax was $5.87. It asked me to confirm my purchase, which I did, and then I went on my merry way, grooving to my new songs just as happy as could be. So you can imagine my shock when iTunes emailed my receipt showing my 5 songs in addition to $36 in "decorative avatars." What the flippity flop is that? The entire credit was taken plus my five songs were billed to my bank card. Whaaaaaa????

One of the most frustrating parts of this debacle is that I couldn't talk to someone by phone. I had to email them. And we all know I am an instant gratification type gal. So waiting for a response from a customer service rep was not working for me. Not that it mattered, because he expressed his empathy for my situation, apologized that this happened to me, but regretfully informed me there was nothing he could do. They don't do refunds. We should have read the fine print.

Really? Even if it is obvious we did not make these purchases? And you can see for yourself the items are not listed in our applications? You even said it could have been a system glitch, but oh well. You're sorry but there's nothing you can do??

Again. Whaaaaaa??? Are you FREAKING kidding me dude?

They temporarily froze my account, advised me to change my password and contact my bank to dispute the $5 plus billed to my bank card.

The next day, ANOTHER $27 in "decorative avatars" was purchased on my frozen account. And still, iTunes just shrugged his shoulders and said "Sucks to be you." After Ubes sent them a snippy email in all caps to get his point across, they did graciously agree to give us three free downloads for our troubles.

Really iTunes?? Three whole free downloads?!?!? How GENEROUS of you! Considering we just got wiped out more than $60.

So guess what happened next? I had to go to the bank and dispute the $27. And of course they closed our debit cards and now we are waiting on new ones. But the $37 in credit that was on an iTunes gift card? We are SOL.

So guess what iTunes?? You just lost my business, Bitch. And not only did you lose my business, but I am now planting a seed in the mind of every person who reads this. And you may lose their business too. And I hope you do. Because you suck. Even if Beyonce did give me some bad juju, you could have made good, iTunes. You could have stepped up and done what is right. But you chose not to. And now I choose to get my tunes somewhere else.

Because, you see iTunes, I spent several years training people how to do customer service the right way. So I know what I am talking about. This was not a Positive Memorable Customer Experience (otherwise known as a PMCE )(oh yeah, iTunes! I am breaking out the customer service lingo to show you how serious I am!) for me. It was the exact opposite of a PMCE. You don't care about your customers. I should have realized this when I found out the ONLY way to contact you to report a problem was through email. So we are no longer friends, iTunes. You are dead to me.

And Beyonce? You are on notice. Don't piss me off. (And please don't send your hubs Jay Z to bust a cap in my ass either. He scares me.)(I heart you Jay Z. Your song Empire State of Mind is my jam. I grew up on the mean streets of Salt Lake City, so I feel you Dawg. Although . . . and this is just me offering you a little advice from one hood to another . . . I think you may come off a little too  . . . cocky?? Yeah, you know with the whole thing about making the Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee can. And the part about if Jesus is paying Lebron, you are paying Dwayne Wade. Really? That's a little over the top, don't you think? Almost comparing yourself to Jesus? But whatevs. I'm not judging, okay? So please don't think I am dissing your wife and also criticizing you. I'm just so pissed about this iTunes thing, you know? I'm like a crazy woman. So anyhoots, that is all. Deuces.)

And just in case I didn't make myself clear enough . . . iTunes SUCKS!!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Confessions - The Weekend Edition

It's been a while since we have had a confessional, so here we are! Here I am, anyway. Not even sure if anyone is reading this anymore since I have been such a lazy blogger, but whatever. I'm here now and that's what matters, right?? RIGHT?? Yeah that's what I thought. Watch out people, I am feisty today.

.... I have been told not to blog from work anymore. Well guess where I am right now suckers?? Yeah, that's right. I'm a rebel. You're not the boss of me. Well, actually I guess she is but I DON'T CARE. Rumor has it, I use the power of my Super Secret Blog for evil! Muah ha ha ha! That was supposed to be an evil laugh but looking at the letters? Not so evil.

.... Today, at work, because that is where I am blogging, ha ha ha ha ha, I am wearing super comfy clothes that are too big for me but they make me feel warm and cozy and I need warm and cozy because it is rainy and cool outside. The shirt I am wearing is thirteen years old. No I am not joking.

.... I don't care about the Olympics. As a matter of fact it's pissing me off that they are interupting my TV schedule. And if that makes me un-American, so be it.

.... Boo threw up red Gatorade all over my carpet on Tuesday. While I was shampooing the floor later, I briefly envied my friends Travis and Elizabeth who have no children and can go to the movies when ever they want and most likely do not have barfed up red Gatorade stains on their family room carpet. And if you think that makes me a bad mother, you obviously do not have children. So shut your cake hole.

.... If you are trying to sell me something by pointing out how good it is for the environment, save your breath. It's not that I don't care, it's just not a selling point for me. Hey, stop yelling at me. I recycle and I take my reusable shopping bags to the grocery store. And I don't buy bottled water unless I'm having a party. So I am contributing. Okay?

.... And last but not least.... I um . . . sort of . . . might have . . . quite possibly . . . purchasedaBeyoncesongoniTunesbutlet'snottalkaboutithaveagreatweekendthanksforreadinganddon'tjudgemegoodbye.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

The Best Friend

When I was 15 I had the biggest crush on a boy in my youth group. We were destined to be together, I just knew it. And so for years I waited patiently for him to realize that he loved me, too. This boy had a best friend who always seemed to be around. I couldn't stand the best friend. He was obnoxious and brooding and conceited. I didn't like him because he thought he was better than everyone else.

Fast forward three years, a bunch of us were out somewhere and we were all talking, I can't even remember about what, and I said something witty (which I often do) and everyone laughed (which they often do), but the only laughter I heard was the best friend.

He was sitting a few feet from me and he was laughing that deep belly laugh, the one that only comes from genuine amusement. His dark brown eyes were all sparkly and moist and he had a beautiful set of straight, white teeth. It was the first time in three years I had ever really seen him smile.

Something changed right then, at that moment.

When I looked at him, he was usually already looking at me. When I was talking, he was smiling. When I was coming or going, he was the one opening the door. Had he always been doing this? I wasn't sure. But it didn't take long for me to realize that I was always looking forward to seeing him, and no longer the boy I had a crush on for so many years.

Four years later, I married the best friend. And the boy I had a crush on was our best man. It was all very Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. And I wouldn't change a thing.  

Friday, February 12, 2010


Tonight, my family lost an incredible friend.

A strong, amazing woman lost her husband.

A beautiful girl lost her father.

And this world lost a good man.

My heart is broken for the Yang family. God must have needed a root canal, and that's why He called the best home.

Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day....

Thursday, February 11, 2010


A lot of us girls at Bunco have blogs. So there was some talk last week at Bunco about blogging and being negative and stuff like that. And my dear friend Katie, bless her blunt little heart, said to me "Your blog is negative but at least it's funny."

Ummmmmm..... Thanks?

(To be fair to Katie, she didn't mean it that way. It was a compliment. I think.)

And in all honesty, I have been wallowing in negativitiy a little bit lately. And I don't like it either. That's not me. I'm a very happy person. I laugh a lot. I'm usually pretty bubbly. But when there's a lot of negativity going on around you, it's hard not to be affected by it. Like you know when you go into Subway, you come out smelling like that oregano infused bread? It's like that. I smell like negativity.

Lucky for me, I have the most amazing friends. Friends who have called me, texted me, sent me emails and Facebook messages of support and encouragement and reassurance that I am indeed awesome. Which I totally know, but the reminder is nice, I'm not gonna lie to ya.

So today my dear friends, I will share with you my thoughts on What Sucks and What Doesn't Suck. See how I am cancelling the negative with the positive? Yeah. I paid attention in math. Once again, proof of my awesomeness. So grab a cold refreshing beverage, sit back, relax and enjoy. It's my gift to you.

What Sucks: Getting the tip of a corn chip stuck in your gums.
What Doesn't Suck: Having an awesome froworker (See how I did that? Friend + Coworker = Froworker. You can totally use it. And you are welcome.) who comes to the rescue with floss. Thank you Kara.

What Sucks: Having to work until 6:15 every night.
What Doesn't Suck: Having a job. Thank you Jesus.

What Sucks: Sitting in traffic on a normally non-trafficky (totally a word people) road. (Deer Valley between 75th and 83rd? One lane? Seriously?? What was so wrong with the road that we have to rip it up? Which causes me to get home even later evey night?)
What Doesn't Suck: Being employed. (I know. I'm being repetitive, but I couldn't think of one that matched. I like to match. And the reason I am stuck in traffic on this non-trafficky road is because I am coming home from work.)

What Sucks: Not seeing my Bunco girls more often than once a month at Bunco.
What Doesn't Suck: Having the most fabulous friends in the world. Really. My friends are more awesome than yours. I promise.

What Sucks: The new season of Lost. Save your hate mail. I am so mad at this show. I am so confused and I don't need confusion in my life right now.
What Doesn't Suck: Modern Family. Greatest show on TV. Love it. I wish Cam and Mitch were my next door neighbors. My BFF Dee thinks she is Claire (she totally is). Ubes is definitely Phil. I'm totally Cam. But Ubes thinks I am Mitch. Whatev Ubes. Whatev.

What Sucks: People who make stuff up.
What Doesn't Suck: Warm chocolate chip cookies. They make everything better.

What Sucks: The radio station at work. Seems to only alternate Taylor Swift, James Taylor and old school Whitney Houston. And occasionally that shiteous Mariah Carey cover of I want to know what love is. Someone please kill me.
What Doesn't Suck: Lunchtime and my iPod.

What Sucks: Not having more time to blog properly.
What Doesn't Suck: Anyone who wastes their time reading my word vomit. Love you. Kisses.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Heaven on Earth

Okay you guys. So yesterday I went to Hobby Lobby. Have you heard of it? A new one just opened in my 'hood and everywhere you go people are talking about it. There is a hum in the air from people saying "Hobby Lobby" over and over again. So I stopped by to see what all the fuss was about.

Oh my dear friends. Let me tell you. It is GLORIOUS.

It's like a Michaels or Joann combined with a Kirkland. Like all the cool home decor stuff at Marshalls and TJ Maxx mixed in with craft supplies. I know! I'll give you a minute to digest the fabulousness (is too a word) because it can be overwhelming....

Okay. Are we ready to proceed? Do you need a tissue?

So I was on the phone with my mom when I walked through the doors. And it was like one of those moments where your ears start to close and you feel like you are in a tunnel. And then there was this beautiful sparkly bright light and angels were singing and I swear to God I saw Jesus. He was waiving at me from the ribbon aisle.

"Oh my God, Mom," I said breathlessly into my phone. "I'm at Hobby Lobby. I have to go. I can't breathe."

"Where are you?" she asked.

"Hobby Lobby! I can't talk to you. I need to concentrate. Oh sweet Baby Jesus, there's a whole room full of yarn!" And with that I hung up on my own mother.

Yes people. It is that fabulous. It will make you be rude to your loved ones.

I walked around in a complete daze. I didn't know what to do, where to go, what to look at, where to focus my energy. Everything was just so shiny! And fifty freaking percent off! I KNOW!! So I basically just walked around and stared into other people's carts.

"Ooooh," I would say as I passed them. "What are you buying??"

And guess what? Apparently some people don't like that. So yeah. I was that weird girl at Hobby Lobby. Whatevs. I was too overwhelmed by the gloriousness (Is too a word. Yuh-huh.) to care what other people thought.

I walked up and down each aisle, staring at crystals and rhinestones, beading kits, scrapbooking supplies, paper, cake decorating kits, picture frames and stuff to make your own picture frames! Oh my, I am getting all verklempt just thinking about it!

And then! And then I turned left and found myself wandering down an aisle with shelves full of fancy wall decor. Signs and wrought iron swirly thingies with finials and fleur de lis. A framed picture of a golden crown! Fit for a Queen! Fifty percent off!! And excuse me very much for telling you this, but I totally had an orgasm.

I'm sorry. Was that TMI? Are we still friends? Yeah, I may or may not have been asked to leave after that.

Anyhoots. Get your bad selves to Hobby Lobby. At the very least, look it up on the Google. It rocks. Plus it's totally fun to say. Hobby Lobby. Hobby Lobby. Would it have the same effect if it were called Hobby Attic? Hobby Room? Hobby Closet? Nay, I say. Nay. Part of the magic is all in the name. Those marketing people are wicked smart picking a name that rhymes. Hobby Lobby Hobby Lobby Hobby Lobby. It's like sweet music in my ears!

Oh you guys! My face is all flushed and my palms are all sweaty and my heart is palpitating! Palpitating I tell ya!! I am so in love!! I can't wait to go back to Hobby Lobby and hug it and kiss it and stroke its soft cheeks! I'm totally going back this weekend because I didn't even have the chance to look at the fabric before they kicked me out because I ran out of time. Yes! I said fabric!

I'm outta here. If you need me, you know where to find me. I just hope security lets me back in the store...

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

What I am and what I definitely am not.

The past few days have been interesting to say the least. The last few months, really. I am not trying to be secretive or anything but there is a lot I just can't talk about here. A lot of stuff going on at work. Which is funny because when we are there we are supposed to be working. That's why they call it work. It's not called gossip. You are supposed to show up, do your designated job (aka, work) to the best of your ability and then go home. On payday you are rewarded for your efforts. The end.

That's the way it's supposed to be, at least. In my case it has turned into High School Part Two. Only to be honest, I never had it that bad in high school. This kind of sucks.

But I refuse to let this situation define me. I refuse to let it carve my path and decide where I go from here. Because this is not me. This is not who I am. Her view of me is obstructed by jealousy and personal issues and bullshit. Excuse me, but sometimes there are no other words to accurately describe what an object is. And this one is bullshit, plain and simple. And the jealousy is so completely unfounded it makes me sick.

So don't you dare presume to know who I am when you don't. When you have never made the effort. When you are so completely wrapped up in yourself that you can't see anything else that is going on around you. If you want my opinion, ask me for it. If you want to know how I feel or what I see or what I say, ASK ME. Don't assume you know what I think. Because unlike you, there are more layers to me beyond the superficial.

If you knew me, you would know who I am. What I am. And what I am not.

I am strong. Your words are not going to break me down.

I am confident. Your opinion of me is not going to change the way I feel about myself. I know who I am.

I am loyal.

I am kind.

I am determined and persistent, ambitious and optimistic.

I am good at what I do.

I am loud and sarcastic and occasionally inappropriate. But my heart is ALWAYS in the right place.

I can be stubborn and tough and occaisonally unrealistic with my expectations. But
I will never expect something from you if I don't expect it from myself.

I am generous and forgiving, gracious and compassionate.

I am complicated.

I am not stupid. (I know where Jamaica is, okay?)

I am not blind.

Or deaf.

Or incapable of getting my feelings hurt.

I am not shallow or simple.

I am not insensitive or cruel.

I am not a shrinking violet who will allow you to walk all over me.

I am not oblivious of my faults and I am not afraid to admit my imperfections.

I am not afraid to apologize when I am wrong.

And I, most certainly, am not afraid of you.

Unlike you, I will learn from this experience. I will find some value in it and I will grow from it. And I will move on. Because that is what grown ups do. We keep moving forward.

Unfortunately for you, this will only make me stronger.

This will be the last time I discuss this. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the tension and the hostility and the emotional after effects. Just had to get it all out and now I am done. And I already feel better. Sometimes you have to throw up, you know?