Sunday, November 22, 2009

Some things I'm just not that into...

1. The hype over the new Twilight movie: Yeah, I know. I read the books. Well, I read 3 and a half of the books. I quit the last one because I couldn't stand it anymore. All the drama over a big vampire civil rights battle. I am pretty sure the author sold her soul to Satan and now they are brainwashing the world with pretty boys who sparkle and shape shift into dirty dogs. So dumb.

2. Farmville on Facebook: Seriously don't get what is fun about fake farming. At least when you are really farming you get to eat and sell the fruits of your labor. But trust me, real farming is hard and not that fun. I've done it so I know. Well I watched my grandma do it and that's almost the same. She said it was hard and I believed her. She also said "Do as I say, not as I do." And I was scared of her so I listened. So no fake farming for me.

3. Glee: I know, everyone is so in love with this show. And I really just don't get it. I watched it once and I thought it was just okay. And then I tried to watch it again and I lasted maybe 8 minutes before I realized it was geared towards 14 year old girls and 18 year old uber gays. (Which, dude, I totally love the gay guys, but we don't have the same tastes in music. Remember, I'm not a Streisand fan either.)

4. Football: I don't get this game. I have tried and tried and tried and I just don't. I don't understand how the "downs" work and I don't understand why it's so much fun to watch a bunch of grown men get up, fall down, gather around and pray over the ball, and then start all over again. And I think the cheerleaders are stupid. What a complete waste of money these women are.

5. The Kardashians: Why are these people in the news all the time? Why does anyone care what they are doing, whom they are sleeping with or what they are wearing? The world would be a much better place if the entire family was banished to the moon. And they took the enire cast of the Hills with them.

6. Most of the Thanksgiving side dishes: Yams, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce? Blech. You know what I dislike the most? That nasty jello salad with the marshmallows. Disgusting. Just give me the basics: Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, maybe some corn and big yummy roll. Then I'll have the pumpkin pie with cool whip, not that nasty stuff that comes out of a can. If that is all there is, then no thank you. There is no point eating pumpkin pie without cool whip. 

7. Finding a parking space at Costco: I am pretty sure there is some kind of supernatural energy field type vortex thing surrounding the Costco parking lot. As soon as your car enters, you turn into either a complete idiot or an impatient asshole. I'll be honest, I have been both.

8. This congestion/sore throat/on the brink of a cold thing I have going on: It's seriously wiping me out. And pissing me off at the same time. I don't feel like I have the full blown cold yet, I am just on the verge. I have had that achy "I feel I am getting sick" feeling on and off for two months. I wish it would just take hold or hit the road and infect someone else. It's worse than dry heaving.

9. My current work situation: I love my job. I love most of my clients and most of the people I work with. I can do without some of the other BS that goes on. Managing people through fear is ridiculous. I want a job where I can come to work, do the best I can while I am there, and be recognized for my hard work. I don't want to play games. Junior high school sucked the first time I went through it. I have no interest in a repeat performance.

10. My homeowners association: Seriously, I don't think these people have anything better to do than drive around and criticize other people. Our grass is too yellow. Um, hello? It's almost winter. Grass dies. Yes, it's sad, but it's all part of the circle of life. If we don't have to plant winter grass, we aren't gonna. It's called trying to save money. You should look into it, instead of paying some jack ass a salary to drive around the neighborhood in a golf cart looking for weeds and measuring the height of my trees. Mmmmkay? And don't tell me when I can put my Christmas lights up. I will do it as soon as I want to and when it is convenient for me. I will keep them turned off until Thanksgiving night, but they are going on the house now. So suck it. And if you send me one more letter I am going to spell out "Kiss my ass" on my roof with white twinkle lights and you will just have to deal with it. So leave me alone and go harrass the lady down the street with the fake deer and bunnies in her yard. So tacky.


Kristi said...

April, have I told you lately how FAB you are?! This is one bitchin' post!

DevilsHeaven said...

OMG, I totally love you.
Amen on #6. 15 minutes of fame, should only be, 15 minutes. GAWD.

DevilsHeaven said...

Um, I meant #5. But I also feel ya on #6.

WILLIAM said...

You are watching Glee the wrong way. I enjoy the show not for what it is but for what it isn't. It isn't like anything else on TV. It is fresh and different. It is entertainment.

For that matter I think you must be watching Football the wrong way too.

Jessie said...

April, I have to agree with William. I am surprised that you don't enjoy either football or Glee? I think Glee is absurd and therefore enjoyable in small doses. I love that they break out into song and dance. It's like a musical every week!

I am surprised that football is on this list. Especially considering Ubes' mancave. And if you do watch football, just imagine how funny it is to see people fall. I love watching people fall. Funniest thing to see. I even laugh when my kids fall. (You know, once I determine they're not hurt...) Is that wrong?

Andrea said...

#10 is SO true! When did HOA's become popular anyways?

Sue said...

Seriously Girlfriend, we've gotta be related.

I don't care for Glee...I gave it a couple of tries, but couldn't stick with it.

I HATE football. I've tried for Hubby's sake to watch it time and time again, but I'd rather sew my lips shut and never eat again rather than watch a full game all the way through. (Ok, that might be a LITTLE drastic....but you get the picture)

I don't get the whole Farmville thing, or the Mafia Wars thing on FB. I don't particularly care who my friends whack in that game, or how much money they need help laundering. Great morals we are learning there, huh kids?

And 99% of the time, I think HOA suck, but that 1% of knowing that your neighbor isn't going to paint his house lime green is kinda nice.

Coffee Bean said...

Oh my gosh... how do I love you?!?!? You crack me up and I needed to be cracked up. Get on Roland's case for me about actually reading the Twilight books, okay??? I so want to read what he says about the last book. I would love to hear what you would have to say if you finish reading it. Come on!!! It would be a hoot. You have no idea how funny you would be!

And Happy Thanksgiving!