Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Mr. McClellan, this one's for you

I should have been a teacher.

I would have been pretty kick ass awesome. The kids would have adored me. I'd be that favorite teacher that everyone hoped they would get. And when my students became famous and were interviewed by Oprah and Diane Sawyer and Larry King and asked the inevitable question "Who inspired you?" Well, naturally they would say "My favorite teacher, Mrs. Uberman. She rocked. She raised the roof with her bad ass teaching self."

I would have been a good English teacher. High School only. Not little kids because . . . ew. Shudder. The high school kids would have loved me. Because I am cool and hip and happening and down with their righteous lingo. I would have been good at English because I'm a good speller. And I know the difference between their, there and they're and your and you're. All are huge pet peeves with me. And I don't know why people think it's okay to forget the rules for your and you're when texting. There is never an excuse for grammar errors, right? Right? It's totally NOT okay. And I am not talking about creative writing, which duh, is exempt from the grammar rules. This is why it is okay for me to start sentences with the words "And" and "So." And have massive amounts of run on sentences. Plus it's my blog so shut up and stop judging me, mmmmkay? You wanna piece of this??

Yeah, that's what I thought.

So where was I?? Oh yes, teachers.

I would have been so good at teaching Lit. Because I love to read and I can see the hidden meaning in The Turn of the Screw. And because I am passionate about people knowing Jane Austen in print and not just Jane Austen in film. Although, Jane Austen on film is not that bad when done right. Colin Firth in wet puffy shirt? What is wrong about that? Nothing!


And I would never make my students read Great Expectations. Because it was the longest, most boring and confusing book ever written. Yeah, I said it. Dickens is over rated. I'm not afraid of you.

So, yeah. I am good at explaining things. I am good at relating to people of all ages. I love correcting essays. I have no problem standing in front of a room full of people. And I love the smell of school supplies.

I totally should have been a teacher.


Marie said...

I just love your post April. You would be an awesome teacher

Jessie said...

At the risk of teaching the teacher, 'overrated' is all one word...How's that for a grammar lesson? :)

Also, there is NOTHING, and I mean quite possibly NOTHING on EARTH, better than Colin Firth in a wet shirt...

Love you, girl!

April said...

Up yours, Jess. :)

chandy said...

You read! You actually read good books! I meet so few people that do... Why haven't you come to Jessica's book club? We meet at Paradise Bakery...they have cookies there for cryin' out loud...