Three days ago I gave up Gossip Girl.
I was talking to my boss about last week's episode where Lily and Rufus got married. The strangest thing happened in the middle of our conversation, it was like my words were hanging over the space between us and I could actually see how ridiculous they were. How horrifically stupid everything sounded. I just couldn't take it anymore. Blair's constant plotting and whining, Serena's quest to find herself, Lily's refusal to be happy, Jenny and Vanessa's stupid hair extensions. I mean what is up with that? When did it become cool for your hair to look like a tangled, ratty mess? It made me want to rip my own hair out by the root.
I've been complaining about this stupid show since the middle of last season. Every time it ended I would ask myself why I was watching it. I just kept thinking it would get better, it was building up to something fabulous. But no.
I mean seriously, I hung on with ER until the very end. I did not want to be a quitter. I watched every episode of that show from start to finish. Every. Single. Episode. For 15 years. And I am pretty sure for the last three years at least, I was disappointed nine times out of ten.
Why do I do that to myself? Why am I so loyal? I am not getting anything in return. I know enough snobby, self centered, unrealistic assholes in real life. I don't need to spend an hour watching fake ones on TV. Oh no. I was not going to let Gossip Girl turn into my new ER.
So I quit. I came home and deleted Monday's unwatched episode from my TiVo. And then I deleted it from my Season Pass Manager. It's gone. Won't ever record again. And I am so over it.
Now I am thinking about giving up Grey's Anatomy. Because it's turning into the same thing. There is no joy in that show anymore. I'm giving it a few more episodes, we'll see how this whole Mercy West merger thing goes. But if I don't see results soon, boom! I'm pulling the plug.
So all of this has got me thinking. If it doesn't serve a purpose any longer, why do I hold onto it? Why is it usually so difficult for me to let go? Why do I keep the clothes I don't wear, the stuff I don't use . . . the friends I don't have anything in common with anymore?
Why is it so hard to hit delete?