Sunday, September 13, 2009

Confessional Vol. VI - Cruise Edition

Well look who is back!! I had an incredible and much needed vacation. Special thanks to my girl Kristen for entertaining you all with a post while I was gone. Kristen is one of my BFF's and I knew she would not disappoint. I am still working on her to start her own blog. It's only a matter of days people....

So let's get the week started with our regular Monday confessions!!

I have been off the boat since 9:30 AM Saturday, yet I still feel like I am rocking. I am sea sick on land. Can I be any more lame??

I really don't like children. I love my own and most of my friends' and the ones related to me, but strange children while travelling just irritate the hell out of me. Read Ubes post about the one screaming in the airport. "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!"

Actually, maybe it's the parents I don't like....

And although this child irritated me all the way to Ft. Lauderdale (we totally thought we would lose him when we switched flights in Houston, but no such luck), he gave us our mantra for the rest of the week. Every time we saw something interesting, funny, shocking, etc.- "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!"

I tried sushi for the first time. And I hated it. And I want to throw up just thinking about it. If loving sushi makes you cool, baby I am proud to be Queen of the nerds.

I only cried once during my flight time. We hit some turbulence from Phoenix to Houston and I spent most of the flight clutching Ubes' knee and getting right with God.

And then I had a huge margarita in Houston, where I got carded and seriously considered asking the female bartender if she wanted to make out. Although I am sure she was not only blind, but looking for a big tip. (But seriously, who doesn't love getting carded two days before their 38th birthday??)

When boarding the crowded flight from Houston to Ft. Lauderdale, Ubes told me to pick the first two seats I saw together. On my left there was an old man sitting in the aisle seat and two open seats next to him. On my right there was a hot guy with two open seats. I picked the hot guy. Who just so happened to be a former professional racer and is now an engineer for an oil company. He and Ubes started up a conversation that went something like this: "Blah blah blah Cars, blah blah blah Engines, blah blah blah Horsepower, blah blah blah Torque, blah blah blah Beer." And April turned on her iPod, blew up her neck pillow and closed her eyes so the lovers could be alone.

I drank large quantities of fruity umbrella drinks. Surprise!

Drinking large quantities of fruity umbrella drinks makes me more competitive, better at trivia games and a pretty talented dancer. And apparently deaf to the annoying voice of Beyonce calling out to all the single ladies. Oh yes lovers, Dee and I are so not single, but we didn't let that stop us from shaking our asses and singing a long. Which we did both beautifully.

I missed my babies so much that getting on the plane to come home didn't bother me at all. I couldn't wait to get home and squeeze them.

I love going to new places, learning about different people and cultures. But there's no place like home.


DevilsHeaven said...

Amen Dorothy, there IS no place like home!!!

Sue said...

I'm so glad you are home safely and had a good time.

By the way, I am totally with you about other people's kids...most of them at least...

"Intentionally Katie" said...

I'm relieved that you avoided the anal seeking parasites. Whew!

The Maid said...

If she ate sushi...she may not have completely avoided those parasites Katie! :) (There's a documentary online if you dare.)

Glad you are home...had a wonderful time, and that you shook it like a hooker. ;)

What else are vacations for?

The Maid

PS - I can't stand other people's kids either. DO you think that I am going to hell for that? Seriously, even some of my friends kids irritate me to no end.

Trisha said...

Love the fact that you "adopted" the kid's whining as a mantra! Way to make lemonade out of that lemon!

kristen s said...

I actually kind of like it when other people's kids are being super annoying. I'm just so grateful it's not one of mine for once... I can give their parents that look of superiority I've had thrown my way all too often in the past and act like I have no idea what they're going through :)

And what a coincidence, April! I, too, become exceptionally talented at all kinds of things when I've had large quantities of fruity umbrella drinks! What are the odds that we would BOTH have that special gift?

SO glad you are back, and I'm sorry (again) for the stench I left on your blog while you were away! It seems to have aired out nicely now that you've returned ;)

Oh, and sushi = nastiness. Rock on my nerdy wondertwin!

Julie said...

I hate flying, other peoples children and sushi. Drinking booze on the plane makes flying less nerve racking, and causes you to care less about annoying children. I don't think there is anything that can make sushi better.