So I just got home from school shopping and now I need a bail out. Having kids is expensive. Especially when one of them has outgrown youth sizes. Yes, my oldest wears a man's size 8 1/2 shoe. He's not even twelve. What is it they say about puppies and their big paws? This kid's gonna be huge.
And I am not sure any of you have heard this breaking news but, the economy is in the tanker. Yes, shocking. I know. Yet you should see the lists of school supplies I am expected to buy. It's got me considering home schooling, but I just don't love my kids enough. Boo, who is entering Kinder(garten), is supposed to bring 4 boxes of Crayola crayons, three boxes of Crayola markers, 12 glue sticks, 4 bottles of Elmers glue, two reams of white copy paper, Windex wipes, a package of brown lunch sacks, Fiskar scissors, two rolls of paper towels, 2 boxes of tissues, dry erase markers (not black), a package of frozen chicken, a 52 inch plasma TV, a case of Heineken and a pair of Seven Jeans, size 30.
Okay so the last few items I may have made up. But seriously, each kid has to bring 4 boxes of crayons? Let's say there's thirty kids in each class (very likely considering the state budget cuts), they need 120 boxes of crayons for the year? Good Lord. These class rooms must have some pretty impressive storage space.
And Boo's list is not even the worst. Mac, entering 4th grade, has the longest list. Every item has a specific brand requested. Well you know what? I don't even buy myself Ziploc bags. I buy the Target brand and they work just fine. And what happened to all the scissors and crap I bought last year? Why am I buying new scissors every year? Where are the scissors going? Is there some underground eBay movement I am unaware of? Are scissors the new hot item on the black market?? I am SICK OF BUYING SCISSORS!!
So listen here School People. You will get the brands I buy and you will like them. And you will say thank you. And you will teach my kid to be a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon or even just basic math that won't make me want to rip my hair out during homework time and to stay off drugs and anything else I ask because holy crap, I am shelling out a lot of money.
I think it's time to reevaluate the child labor laws. These kids need to get jobs.
Please note that I meant no disrespect to teachers or anyone in the education profession. Uberman's family is full of teachers and principals who have dedicated their careers to making a difference in the lives of children and families and I know they are underpaid and under appreciated. I realize there are many teachers out there who spend their own hard earned money on class supplies and I say God bless you, but why can't my kids ever get one of these teachers? That's all I'm asking. Okay? Are we cool here? Sheesh.