Saturday, August 1, 2009

The One Where I Rant About School Supplies...

So I just got home from school shopping and now I need a bail out. Having kids is expensive. Especially when one of them has outgrown youth sizes. Yes, my oldest wears a man's size 8 1/2 shoe. He's not even twelve. What is it they say about puppies and their big paws? This kid's gonna be huge.

And I am not sure any of you have heard this breaking news but, the economy is in the tanker. Yes, shocking. I know. Yet you should see the lists of school supplies I am expected to buy. It's got me considering home schooling, but I just don't love my kids enough. Boo, who is entering Kinder(garten), is supposed to bring 4 boxes of Crayola crayons, three boxes of Crayola markers, 12 glue sticks, 4 bottles of Elmers glue, two reams of white copy paper, Windex wipes, a package of brown lunch sacks, Fiskar scissors, two rolls of paper towels, 2 boxes of tissues, dry erase markers (not black), a package of frozen chicken, a 52 inch plasma TV, a case of Heineken and a pair of Seven Jeans, size 30.

Okay so the last few items I may have made up. But seriously, each kid has to bring 4 boxes of crayons? Let's say there's thirty kids in each class (very likely considering the state budget cuts), they need 120 boxes of crayons for the year? Good Lord. These class rooms must have some pretty impressive storage space.

And Boo's list is not even the worst. Mac, entering 4th grade, has the longest list. Every item has a specific brand requested. Well you know what? I don't even buy myself Ziploc bags. I buy the Target brand and they work just fine. And what happened to all the scissors and crap I bought last year? Why am I buying new scissors every year? Where are the scissors going? Is there some underground eBay movement I am unaware of? Are scissors the new hot item on the black market?? I am SICK OF BUYING SCISSORS!!

So listen here School People. You will get the brands I buy and you will like them. And you will say thank you. And you will teach my kid to be a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon or even just basic math that won't make me want to rip my hair out during homework time and to stay off drugs and anything else I ask because holy crap, I am shelling out a lot of money.

I think it's time to reevaluate the child labor laws. These kids need to get jobs.

Please note that I meant no disrespect to teachers or anyone in the education profession. Uberman's family is full of teachers and principals who have dedicated their careers to making a difference in the lives of children and families and I know they are underpaid and under appreciated. I realize there are many teachers out there who spend their own hard earned money on class supplies and I say God bless you, but why can't my kids ever get one of these teachers? That's all I'm asking. Okay? Are we cool here? Sheesh.

10 comments:

Stacey said...

OMG. Scott and I were just talking about Cole's list on the way home last night, and how expensive and stupid they are (yes, I have MULTIPLE Zip Loc sizes requested on Cole's list, as well..WTF? Will they be storing food for the coming apocolypse?). Last years list had 12 glue sticks, as well. Only they couldn't be washable. It specifically said, "NOT WASHABLE, PLEASE". And, believe me - the "please" made it so much better. Well, guess what every stinking store in the whole northeastern portion of Texas carries? Washable glue sticks. After driving to seventeen thousand stores in a Yukon that gets about 14 mpg using, at the time, $3.49/per gallon gasoline, I rounded up 12 freaking NON washable glue sticks. Flash forward to the last day of school. He brings home in his backpack UNUSED school supplies that I purchased. A few boxes of the stupid Zip Loc bags, unopened pencil boxes, etc. In the bottom of said backpack was...get ready for it...9 unopened sticks of NON washable glue. Yes, 9. I used about $387 worth of gas finding these 9 glue sticks because the freaking list told me to. I wanted to force feed these 9 glue sticks to whatever person wrote the First Grade School Supply List the previous year. This person should be painted over their entire body with NON washable glue sticks, feathered, and forced to wear Crocs for an entire year.

April said...

Stacey, you CRACK ME UP!!

But look at the bright side of your story, Coley came home with unused supplies. Where are my unused supplies? None of my kids have ever brought items home, used or unused. EVER. WTF? Where are these supplies going? If they are being used for the next year, great! But then in my opinion, my list should be shorter. Right?? I just don't get it.

Julie said...

I TOTALLY feel your pain. Our lists look VERY similar to yours. Luckily I hit the sales and got glue sticks when they were like twelve for a dollar at our local market. I know though as soon as I arrive at school on parent teacher night they are going to request me to shell out another $50 for the year to the homeroom mom who will make sure that the teacher gets appropriate gifts for Christmas, Hanukah, Easter, Presidents day, Groundhogs day or whatever else they deem they need a gift for (yet the kids are STILL pressured to bring in a gift of their own for each of the holidays as well, even though you all ready paid for gifts).

See, you got me ranting now!

DevilsHeaven said...

I'm sorry, WTF?? I do not have kids, and I have to say, WTF?? 4 boxes of crayons???? I was lucky, LUCKY if I got a new box of 64 each year. Seriously. Windex wipes?? FOR WHAT???? Are your kids going to be window cleaners for their lunch or something??? Do the schools supply NOTHING anymore?????
I think I'd be asking for a detailed list of uses for all this stuff.

Trisha said...

The scissors and stuff don't come home at the end of the year? When I was teaching, I had the kiddos take them home - I didn't have the storage for them! Plus, I had no preference for brands and didn't care if the stuff was new or not - just so the kids had materials to work with. Of course, some didn't so we shared or I bought supplies myself for the kids. It isn't the STUFF that matters - it is the learning!

Mary Y said...

Unfreaking real, April. I thought homeschooling was expensive enough, but I'm not sure I spent as much as you did on all my curriculum this year. Good GRIEF! That is insane.

P.S. I say this as a former teacher, btw. Now, I'm thinking that my students parents must have been giggling at just how short my lists were in comparison to others!

Karen R said...

Kindergarders are beyond coloring, cutting and pasting. They've been doing that for 2 years in pre-school. Cole was so bored, he was cross-eyed. But you've got too many teachers who have already commented, so I'll just shut up. The list is stupid.

"Intentionally Katie" said...

Your post was so hilarious (as was the first comment) that I read it out loud to Mike. Who quickly interrupted me and said, "Wait a minute...how is this funny? Have you seen Ryan's list yet? How much are WE going to have to spend???"

But here's the kicker: (and please don't shoot the messenger) for some reason, our school is not requiring us to buy supplies. I found this out from a neighbor with a 1st grader who was disappointed that she didn't get to go school supply shopping last year for Kindergarten. There was no list. At all. Yet apparently, by March, the school ran out of money and couldn't afford paper or copier toner so they STOPPED ASSIGNING HOMEWORK.

I've said that I'm willing to spend my $11 on school supplies if it means the school can save that money to put toward things that I'm unwilling to purchase (like...TONER) but dude. After seeing your post, my mouth will stay SHUT.

What happened to "1 box of 24 crayons, 10 pencils, 2 folders and 3 spiral notebooks" - ??? I'd love to find out what's happening to the scissors in your school...

Jessie said...

I had to buy scissors for Reagan's school, too. I wonder if I'm getting those back...

I had to have 24 GLUE STICKS! 2 DOZEN. What in the world are they gluing? I better see a freaking multi-medium masterpiece at the end of the year.

The Maid said...

Reminds me so much of what I posted last year...and was too lazy and tired from shopping for supplies to post this year. :)

And I say that fondly remembering that one thing I did point out was what the heck is up with asking for lysol wipes? I mean are they seriously sending our kids to the bathrooms to clean on recess? I know it probably saves them some janitorial salaries and all, but with the Swine flu scares, maybe we want our kids not to be doing that kind of work...unless they add gloves to the list!

:) Love ya girl!
The Maid