Friday, August 21, 2009

Drop This

Dearest Drop Off Duty Teacher:

I realize the mornings are a hectic time. You have a class to prepare for, yet you are required to pace the drop off area to make sure all the little ankle biters are making it from car to classroom in a timely manner. Plus it's 110 degrees out side at 8:30 freaking AM. I get it. It's hot and you're stressed out and tired. I have so been there, babe.

But.... That is no reason to come marching down the sidewalk pointing at my car and screaming about where the drop off point is. It's not like I let the kids out to run in traffic. It's not like I haven't been dropping them off in this same exact spot for the last FOUR YEARS. It's not like there's a flashing sign in the front of the school that says "Hey dumbass, we changed the drop off procedures!"

I didn't know. Okay? I didn't receive a written or verbal notification that from now on we are only allowed to let the children out of the car when we are directly in front of the gate. I DIDN'T KNOW. And obviously the four carloads of children behind my were driven by parents who didn't know either. I never thought in a million years, for the sake of practicality, you would adopt a new procedure that would allow only one car at a time to unload, thus increasing the amount of time it takes me to drop off my children in the morning to FORTY GODFORSAKEN MINUTES.

Raising your voice? Unnecessary.

Pointing and flailing your "what the hell" hands at me? Uncalled for.

Telling my children to tell their mother she is not following proper drop off procedures? Unprofessional.

That hideous shower curtain floral print skirt you are wearing? Unacceptable.

This school's new drop off procedures? COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE.

So unless you want me to get out of my car and stick my foot in a place that will make it very uncomfortable for you to sit, stand or pace the sidewalk, from now on when you see me, you will smile, wave, compliment my hair and shoes, tell me I look like I have lost weight, say my children are the most amazing children you have ever had the pleasure of interacting with in all your years of teaching and bid me good day.

Your cooperation is appreciated.


P.S. That skirt makes your ass look huge and the new drop off procedure sucks.


"Intentionally Katie" said...

Witch or not, the inefficiency of this new procedure makes my skin crawl. I need to go organize something...

DevilsHeaven said...

I agree with you completely. That new procedure sounds decidedly unthought out and I predict that by the end of September it will have gone the way of the doo-doo bird.

*P.S* You are not going to believe this, but my Word verification word?? GATING

Karen R said...

What a riot. I love this. Next time run her over and give the "what the hell?" hand signal.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

UGH the morning drop off. Every mother's morning nightmare!! I'm kind of glad my kids are taking the bus in the morning right now.

Stacey said...

Oh April. I heart you with every fiber in my being. We are like ONE in our views of the world. Believe it or not, I also have a crabby pick up duty lady. Who has screamed at ME for driving too fast through the parking lot. Apparently my Yukon idles forward at the extremely high speed of 4 MPH, and I am "endangering the lives of every child in the school when I barrel through the parking lot" at my warp idle speed. This jewel even wears a whistle around her neck. Do you know what I'd like to do with that whistle?

Trisha said...

April - tell us how you REALLY feel! I can understand your situation from both sides - that poor teacher is probably yelled at by her principal. I do agree that only letting one car at a time drop off is seriously nuts! Get the kiddos in as quick as possible would be my motto!