After three glorious days hanging out with my family, I am back at work. Sigh.
I came in this morning to a few surprises. It seems my coworker, The Boy, has been a mischievous little monkey. Apparently he did not have enough to do to keep him busy in my absence.
All the keys on my keyboard have been switched around. My chair height has been adjusted. And my stapler is missing!
Even worse, a picture of my precious son Mac in his baseball uniform has been violated. Now there is a cartoon bubble above his head that says "My mom smells like cabbage and beef jerky . . . and she beats us."
Does it stop there??? Oh no my friends. It most certainly does not. Please observe the following conversation:
Client (sympathetically): Welcome back.
Me: Thank you. I needed those few days off.
Client: I know, I heard.
Me: (staring thoughtfully and thinking "What is up with this guy?")
Client: Are you feeling better?
Me: Um, yeah... I wasn't sick, I just took a few vacation days.
Client: I know. I know it's really sad. But I can't believe that was the only thing on TV that day. I mean you would think it was a president or something.
Me (completely confused): Uuuuummmm..... I'm sorry, what are we talking about?
Client: The funeral.
Me (even more completely confused): What funeral?
Client (staring at me surprised): For Michael Jackson.
Me: Uuuuuuhhh . . . yeah. Sad. Were you a big fan?
Client: Well not as big as you, but you know . . .
Me (interrupting): Wait. What? What are we talking about here?
Client: Michael Jackson. The Boy told me you were really upset and had to take a couple of days to mourn him.
Me: Oh he did, did he...
Client: And you wanted to be able to watch the services all day.
Me (raising my eyebrows): Uh-huh.
Me (shaking head): Nope.
Client: Did you even watch it?
Me: Dude. Not even a fan.
Client: Wow. I guess he got you pretty good.
Me: Yeah. We'll see...
Oh and we will see.
First of all, switching my keys around? Funny. That is a good one and I will have to remember to use that myself one day. I hate it when people mess with my chair, we all know that. But it was easily fixed this time and I enjoyed the laugh. And knowing he did it just because I was so irritated last time? Well, I was a little touched.
Telling people I was devastated over the death of MJ? Borderline slanderous, but still funny. I can even find the humor in the insinuation that I beat my children. I actually laughed out loud when I read that.
HOWEVER..... Accusing me of smelling like cabbage and beef jerky? That, my friend, is crossing the line. Totally UNACCEPTABLE! Listen here Mr. Pranky McPrankster. How dare you insinuate I do not smell like a mixture of citrus, fresh flowers and heaven. You have NO idea who you are messing with kid. I will take you down to China Town. It is so on.
My advice to The Boy: You better sleep with one eye open, dude. This will not end until one of us is hospitalized. And it's not gonna be me.