Thursday, July 9, 2009

It's War

After three glorious days hanging out with my family, I am back at work. Sigh.

I came in this morning to a few surprises. It seems my coworker, The Boy, has been a mischievous little monkey. Apparently he did not have enough to do to keep him busy in my absence.

All the keys on my keyboard have been switched around. My chair height has been adjusted. And my stapler is missing!

Even worse, a picture of my precious son Mac in his baseball uniform has been violated. Now there is a cartoon bubble above his head that says "My mom smells like cabbage and beef jerky . . . and she beats us."

Does it stop there??? Oh no my friends. It most certainly does not. Please observe the following conversation:

Client (sympathetically): Welcome back.
Me: Thank you. I needed those few days off.
Client: I know, I heard.
Me: (staring thoughtfully and thinking "What is up with this guy?")
Client: Are you feeling better?
Me: Um, yeah... I wasn't sick, I just took a few vacation days.
Client: I know. I know it's really sad. But I can't believe that was the only thing on TV that day. I mean you would think it was a president or something.
Me (completely confused): Uuuuummmm..... I'm sorry, what are we talking about?
Client: The funeral.
Me (even more completely confused): What funeral?
Client (staring at me surprised): For Michael Jackson.
Me: Uuuuuuhhh . . . yeah. Sad. Were you a big fan?
Client: Well not as big as you, but you know . . .
Me (interrupting): Wait. What? What are we talking about here?
Client: Michael Jackson. The Boy told me you were really upset and had to take a couple of days to mourn him.
Me: Oh he did, did he...
Client: And you wanted to be able to watch the services all day.
Me (raising my eyebrows): Uh-huh.
Client: No?
Me (shaking head): Nope.
Client: Did you even watch it?
Me: Dude. Not even a fan.
Client: Wow. I guess he got you pretty good.
Me: Yeah. We'll see...

Oh and we will see.

First of all, switching my keys around? Funny. That is a good one and I will have to remember to use that myself one day. I hate it when people mess with my chair, we all know that. But it was easily fixed this time and I enjoyed the laugh. And knowing he did it just because I was so irritated last time? Well, I was a little touched.

Telling people I was devastated over the death of MJ? Borderline slanderous, but still funny. I can even find the humor in the insinuation that I beat my children. I actually laughed out loud when I read that.

HOWEVER..... Accusing me of smelling like cabbage and beef jerky? That, my friend, is crossing the line. Totally UNACCEPTABLE! Listen here Mr. Pranky McPrankster. How dare you insinuate I do not smell like a mixture of citrus, fresh flowers and heaven. You have NO idea who you are messing with kid. I will take you down to China Town. It is so on.

My advice to The Boy: You better sleep with one eye open, dude. This will not end until one of us is hospitalized. And it's not gonna be me.

Believe that.


DevilsHeaven said...

I can not WAIT to see what you do in retaliation!!!!!

kristen s said...

Ooooh... he got you pretty good. You need to say the following to him, preferably in front of a crowd, in a good old fashioned stage whisper: "Wow, 'Boy' you have explosive diarrhea AGAIN? You really need to see a doctor about that...."

He needs a good dose of public humiliation so he'll know he's messed with the WRONG child beater this time ;)

Karen R said...

That is too funny. I like him. And I like Kristen's suggestion too. Keep us posted.

Sue said...

I'll be anxiously awaiting an update. I LOVE stuff like this!

"Intentionally Katie" said...

Your blogs aren't coming up in my Bloglines for some reason. I'm so behind!

The beating the children line made me LOL too and my whole house is asleep!

I forgot to mention my retaliation ideas tonight:
- put a dime under the roller of his mouse so it doesn't move
- stuff the first of the tissues in his tissue box with the hole punch outs from the 3 hole will be a confetti party next time he blows his nose!
- a toilet liner on his seat with a crunchy, nutty unwrapped chocolate bar is disturbing, yet funny
- filling his desk drawers with shredded paper - messy, but worth it
- unscrew the ink chamber from all of his pens
- double sided tape [or Vassoline (sp?) if you're really mean] on the earpiece of his phone

That's all that comes to mind. I have to go finish reading your posts now...

WILLIAM said...

The MJ thing. I wish I would have thought of that.

Trisha said...

Wow - imagine if he had had an entire week! Make sure you tell us all about the revenge!

Julie said...

Ever watch the TV show "The Office?". Jim plays some pretty GREAT tricks on his co worker Dwight. Moves his desk into the mens room, puts his stapler in jello, gradually adds pennies day by day into his phone headset so he gets used to the weight of them then removes them all in one day so he smacks himself in the head with the phone...oh wow, the list goes on and on...