Thursday, May 28, 2009

This Kiss

Oh no, you guys.

I am pretty sure I have developed an allergy to my MAC Lame Lipstick. And it's pronounced Luh-MAY, by the way. Let's not make jokes about the name at a time like this. This is serious.

So I think I am allergic. Because my lips are red and swollen and itchy and feel like they are on fire. Which is not really a bad look for me, except the itching and the feeling like they are on fire part. That pretty much sucks. But I have to be honest when I say I kind of like how the allergy has plumped them up and given them a little more depth to their natural pinkish color. Especially when I add the lipstick. Which is a pinkish/goldish/brownish and I just realized sounds completely hideous but is really awesome in person. Trust me.

And I know it is awesome because the guy behind the MAC counter at Nordstrom in Orange County, CA said so when he sold it to me. His name was kYle. Spelled just like that on his little MAC name badge. I don't think that was his real name. But his makeup was fabulous. kYle truly knew the secret to blending his shadow. He was an artiste. I am still in awe.

Anyhoots. I have been wearing this lipstick for nine years. NINE YEARS. And my lips just now decide they don't want to take it anymore? And do you know how difficult it is to find the perfect shade of neutral pinkish lipstick that does not make me look like an old lady on her way to her bowling league? I have dark hair, light eyes, fair skin and freckles people. The perfect shade of lipstick is so essential to a girl like me.

And this is the SECOND brand of lipsticks my body has rejected. Not to mention how certain perfumes smell like skunk and/or rotting beef as soon as they hit my skin. Or how Mango Mandarin lotion from Bath and Body makes me smell like an alcoholic on a three week bender.

What is going on with me? What is my body going to reject next? Egyptian cotton? Chocolate? Or (GASP) . . . Diet Coke with Vanilla???

Oh. My. God. If it gets to that, I do not want to go on. Someone please promise to put me out of my misery. I beg of you. Where, I ask you! Where is the quality in a life without Diet Coke with Vanilla??

I think I need a sedative. And also, medicated chapstick.


DevilsHeaven said...

Take a benadryl and see if that works.
I hate when my body turns on me. It is sooooo not cool! Like the one fruit i actually REALLY like when covered in peanut butter or carmel, APPLES, ALLERGIC!!!! Who is allergic to apples????

Leigh7880 said...

I can't believe it's the lipstick!

You must've eaten something strange. A Brazilian exchange student who I played tennis with (no tennis is not a euphemism for dirtier things - sounds like it though! Nor does the fact that he was Brazilian have anything to do with the matter, but he was very very cute) in highschool ate sunflower seeds at a tennis tournament and his lips swelled up like balloons and he was so embarrassed he walked around with his hand over his mouth for hours, which did nothing for his tennis game, I must say.

So seriously. Have you eaten anything new?

P.S. My word verification is "parmeni" which just stirred a very powerful craving for Italian food and Parmesan cheese.

kristen s said...

Okay. I'm just stuck on the fact that you've been wearing it for NINE years. LUCKY. (Well..except for the apparent allergy part, but still). Do you know that Lancome keeps discontinuing every lipstick I start to like? I am the kiss of death for lipstick shades -- no pun intended. First, I liked one called Pinstripe. It was a lovely neutral-y mauvish rosy color, with a hint of brown. To this day, still my favorite, but the folks at Lancome apparently found out how much I liked it and decided to take it away out of spite. Then, out of desperation, I got hooked on one called Plum Spirit. A little brighter than Pinstripe, but still in the same family, so I found a way to accept my new, somewhat brighter mouth and move on with my life. Do you know what has now happened less than TWO years later? Yep. You got it! Plum Spirit -- DISCONTINUED. They got wind that I liked another one. Jerks. So now, I've found a shade called Perfect Fig that I'm trying to live with, even though the name lies because it's FAR from perfect.

So, now you've got me thinking I need to visit the MAC counter because they apparently understand the need to keep their shades around for more than two seconds. Oh, and have you considered the possibility that your Chapstick may be to blame? You have said that you're addicted to it, after all. Did you try some kind of new fruity flavor? I just can't imagine that anyone named kYle would ever steer you wrong.

Bogart in P Towne said...

Can you mix in some antihystamines so you could continue to wear it?