Monday, April 20, 2009


Things are bugging me. A lot. And I am not sure if it's a nasty bout of PMS or exhaustion or being overwhelmed or what, but Oh. My. God. I feel like I could sit here and complain for two hours. About STUPID crap. Maybe it's just me? But maybe, just maybe . . . it isn't. Maybe I have some legit gripes here.

How about I tell you what's pissing me off and you tell me if I'm being too sensitive?

No. Wait. That will probably piss me off. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. It definitely will. So how about if I complain to you and you just sit there and listen? Yeah? Sounds good.

So today at work this woman comes in and she's asking me questions and talking to me, and the whole entire time she is chewing on this massive wad of gum. And I don't mean just chewing the gum. She was going to town on this gum. And it was loud gum. Sounded like she was chewing a wet balloon. And there were all these popping and snapping noises and every few seconds she would swallow and I basically just wanted to kick her in the face.

But I didn't.

But as soon as she left I was all "Oh. My. God. Did you hear the way that woman was chewing her gum?" and then everyone else was all "Or what about when they're eating a piece of candy and it's clicking around in their teeth?" And then I was all "Whoa, dudes. I have the floor here. This is about me and my pet peeves about people chewing their gum. It's not about people and their Jolly Ranchers. Mmmmkay?"

And that's another thing that bugs me. When you are trying to tell a story and someone else jumps in and talks about them and what they are doing, thinking, hating, whatever. Some people are so self absorbed.

So what was I saying??

You know what else is really bugging me? All the construction going on around here. I swear to you people, every road I drive on to get to work has some form of construction going on. I am so sick of sitting in traffic waiting for that guy who holds the stop sign in the middle of the road and therefore thinks he is God to decide it is okay for me to proceed. I hate that guy. And I am pretty sure he waits for me every morning. "Oh there she is. That chick in the black Yukon. She thinks she is so cool with those tinted windows and awesome rims. I think I'll pretend like a cement truck needs to get through and make her wait for 15 minutes when I know she is in a hurry. Yeah. That will show her."

Don't look at me like that. I know that is what he is thinking. I can see it all over his face. It just goes to show that you give a guy in a hard hat a portable stop sign and he will start to abuse that power.

So you can imagine my rage this morning when I went out to my car and I see freaking ORANGE CONES lined up and down the middle of my street. Chip sealing? Is that really necessary? The roads looked perfectly fine to me last week. And of course every other road is blocked off and my neighborhood has been turned into some kind of lab rat maze and I am driving all over trying to get to the exit and I started feeling claustrophobic because I keep getting directed in circles and I was so frustrated I may or may not have run over a couple of their stupid orange cones. Possibly even on purpose. But for the love of PETE! Give me an EXIT that does not involve 85 turns. I am getting car sick here!

And speaking of sick. I am SICK of living in the heat. It was 98 today. Yes, 98 degrees. Without Nick Lachey. Tomorrow it's supposed to hit 100. I am not ready for this. I hate the summer. I hate my summer electric bill. I have been in this state long enough now to realize sunshine and good weather are waaaaayyyy OVER RATED. And the most irritating thing about living in this God forsaken state of dirt and cactus and dryness is that once it gets hot, it's like we have nothing else to talk about. It's so hot, hot enough for ya, did you see how hot it got yesterday, but it's a dry heat ha ha ha, blah blah blah. I can't take it anymore. If I hear one more person tell the story of surviving the summer we hit 123 degrees, I am going to stab myself in the neck with my letter opener.

And I am not sure you are aware of this, but the heat makes people irritable. Not me, but most people.

But on a positive note, tonight I finally figured out how to use Twitter with my cell phone. So yay!

Hey, I never claimed to be a genius.


Kristi said...

Oh my freaking god, I was DYING laughing reading this! Why oh why don't you live in my neighborhood woman?!!!

Sue said...

It was over 100 here today. In the land of cool breezes, icy ocean water, and early morning fog.

Over 100 degrees in freaking APRIL! No pun intended...It's gunna be a long, hot summer here...dandy.

And by the way, there's no such thing as a "dry heat"...when the sweat is running down my back, and butt crack, there's nothing dry about it...

I think you are 100% entitled to be bugged...I'm bugged right along with you...but in a "I'll back off as to not steal your thunder" kinda way. Hang in there girlfriend!

The Maid said...

I heart Sue. ;)
Oh, and Nick Lachey

DevilsHeaven said...

You are so living my life!!!
Although I do have to say I am one of those people who generally have a story of irriation to go along with yours. I try to hold back, I DO! But sometimes man, you just gotta let people know you feel their pain!

Karen R said...

You know me. I'm all about solutions.

1. Tell the gum cracker "Do you realize you're snapping and cracking your gum?" Hopefully she'll stop. If not, walk away.

2. You only have to live somewhere where they never repair the roads to appreciate living in a state that does. If you were in Michigan, you'd hit a pothole that would take out 2 of those Yukon tires.

3. Move to Colorado. You'll never regret it. Hopefully that's where the girls and I will end up.

Katie @ 3 Blondes and a Redhead said...

So glad you're going to be twittering, now that I've finally signed up and noticed it had been 86 days since your last note. I almost cancelled my account.

And good news: the high Sunday is in the low 80s. Then we'll be in the 100s again until my baby comes in October. I. Can't. Wait.

Kristin said...

"... Not me, but most people." Made me FALL OUT OF MY CHAIR. Freaking hilarious, and yes, genius!