I am not one to brag (shut up, just go with it), but my outfit today was all kinds of adorable. Chocolate brown trousers topped off with a pinkish/orange-ish/terra cotta-ish linen blouse. And my favorite, to die for gold beaded sandals with a kitten heel. I even had on the cutest set of bracelets in browns, corals and rusty reds. Elegance? Check. Sophistication? Check. Victoria Beckham red carpet walk? Check, check and check.
But God forbid if I get a little too confident. A little too aware of my fabulocity. Totally a word. Is too.
I had the afternoon off today, since I will be working Saturday morning. I met my fabulous MIL for lunch (and also to pick up my baby Boo) at a new deli/bakery near her home. The place was packed and I had trouble finding a parking space. And when I walked in I could see why. The restaurant is adorable, lots of warm colors and rich wood floors, the smell of home made breads and pastries filling the air. Naturally I had to make a huge entrance, right?
My gorgeous beaded sandals did not play nice with the polished wood floor. One leg went forward while the other slid back. And in order to avoid straining a muscle in a delicate area, I allowed my knee to break my fall. So there I was on the floor, posed like a knight bowing to his queen. I looked up quickly to see if anyone noticed. Of course, half the restaurant was staring at me. I jumped up, acting all cool, laughing and waving off their questions of concern.
"I'm fine, ha ha ha. Just humiliated. Nothing new."
I turned around to look for MIL, spotted her across the room and proceeded two steps. Before finding myself once again in the middle of a stumble, a slip, and then . . . airborne. No I am not kidding. It was like one of those cartoon pictures of someone slipping on a banana peel. Both my feet flew out from beneath me and I was looking at my toes and how adorable they looked in my gold, beaded sandals.
And then boom. I was flat on my back staring up at the ceiling. The light fixtures were amazing. And then there were faces hovering above me.
Concerned Man #1: Ma'am??? Are you okay??
Me: I want to die.
Wife (I assume): Don't move! Let's get some help!!
Me: I'm fine. Really. I'm just hoping the floor will open and swallow me up.
Man #2: Is the floor wet?
Me: Not unless I wet my pants on the way down.
Man #1: You could be really injured.
Me: Oh believe me, the only injury here is my pride.
Wife: I think there is something wrong with the floor.
Me: It's not the floor. Trust me. But seriously, how cute are these shoes?
I got up, red faced and laughing, and hobbled over to my MIL, who missed the whole show.
Me: Hi. I just fell. On my ass. Twice.
She: What? Where?
Me: Over there. Where all those people are pointing and staring. Waive at the people. (Waiving)
She: How did you fall? (Waives at the people and laughs, rolling her eyes at me.) I can't take her anywhere!
Me: Yeah. So what are we gonna eat?
She: They have a great chicken salad. Your shoes are cute.
Me: I know. Did you see the light fixtures in this place? Adorable.
Oh yes. Grace. I haz it.