Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Kinder. Garten.

I just registered my baby for kindergarten. Sigh.

And I am super irritated that this stupid state has not yet decided if they are eliminating all day kindergarten. Or "kinder" as the principal kept calling it tonight. What's up with that? "Oh we take such good care of our kinders here." and "This is the kinder playground." and "Where are my kinder teachers?? Raise your hands ladies!"

Really? Does it take that much more effort to add the "garten" to the end of the word? It's only two more syllables. And rolls nicely off the tongue. Doesn't become a tangled mess like say . . . aluminum. Or celebratory. I always stumble over that one too. But kindergarten? Pretty natural... It actually feels unnatural to just leave it at kinder. I mean if this is the kind of laziness I can expect from the "kinder" program, maybe I should consider a different school?

Anyway, back to griping about the all day kinder. Garten. I realize the state is making budget cuts. I realize all day kindergarten is an expense. I realize it would be extremely profitable for each district to charge $250 per month/per child to attend an all day program. Yes, you read that correctly. Two Hundred and Fifty Dollars. That is two Benjamins and one Grant. I know this because I am in banking a professional killer who only accepts cash. But does the state realize eliminating all day kindergarten is super inconvenient for me and will create a great big giant pain in my ass?

So as I am standing in line for information on the all day option, I am thinking about the obvious:

1. What exactly is my $250 covering each month?
2. Is my child going to be $250 worth smarter than the child who does not attend all day?
3. What the heck am I going to do with Boo if there is no all day kindergarten and I can't afford $250 a month to send her all day?
4. For $250 a month, do I get to choose which teacher I want?
4. Is that a real Prada on the arm of the woman in front of me?? (Closer inspection proved it was indeed a fake.)

So I get to the front of the registration line and turn in all of the paperwork I just completed. I hand over her immunization records and her birth certificate. The lovely woman sitting at the desk asks me for a utility bill.

Me: What? I have two other kids who attend this school.
She: Yes, I know. But we still need proof of residency.
Me: I didn't know that. I don't have a utility bill with me. I have a paystub I think.
She: No, we need to see that you are getting a utility service at the home to prove you are living there.
Me: Why would I lie about where I live?
She: Ma'am, this is a very prestigious neighborhood.
Me: It's obviously not that prestigious, that lady is carrying a fake Prada. A Frauda.
She: Regardless, there are lots of people who will lie to get their kids in this school.
Me: Really. Wow. It's a wonder why someone doesn't sell the use of their address on ebay to pay for all day kindergarten. (Smile)
She: (Narrowing eyes) How quickly can you drop off that bill?

There is no way they are letting me pick a teacher now.


Chris H said...

Ha ha, you really are a funny tart!
WE had to provide proof of residency at our new school too... seems lots of people lie to get their kid in! Weird. Fake Prada! What a cheek, and she goes to YOUR school... oh the shame of it.

Gladys said...

Isn't Kinder the German word for Kid or Children? So Kindergarten basically translates to Garden of Children. So that explains cabbage patch children.

WILLIAM said...

250 bucks a month seems pretty cheap for the school to keep you kid. It sucks that it would be for "free" if they don't cancel the program.

"So I was putting away left over in alum foil.." Does'nt work.

"I went out for a cele drink with some co workers after a promotion." That too does not work.

DevilsHeaven said...

I have a co-worker who just went through this. They don't offer all day kindergarten either, but are willing to take quite a bit more than $250 a month to keep her kid in "after care". And seriously, a utility bill?!!!?!? How about your DRIVER'S LICENSE???? WTF??? I love your answers! You are too much!!

Trisha said...

Soooo funny! How fast did you drop off that utility bill?

In Texas they just recently switched from half day to full day Kindergarten. I wonder if they will be switching back due to money problems!

Katie @ 3 Blondes and a Redhead said...

Oh girl. Do NOT get me started! From what I understand, your kid WILL be $250 a month smarter than mine, because my husband won't let us pay the extra money. Yet the afternoon program WILL continue their education, not just be lunch, recess and art. I've heard that from several teachers, so now I'M mad because my son will be behind your daughter in first grade. It's a crock.

I don't mind half-day, it's not like I work and need it. I really don't care what they choose to do, but I think it's justly unfair to allow kids whose parents are willing to pay more (or have to, in your case) to be farther along when they reach first grade. Thought it's obviously UNfair to pay $250/month for a glorified babysitting service, so I can understand why parents in your position would WANT the learning to continue all afternoon.

There goes Ryan's Harvard education. All before Kinder has started...

And your school isn't the only one saying "Kinder." I thought I was just out of the loop because Ryan is my first kid in elementary school. I swore it was new, too, but couldn't prove it and that word BUGS!!! It's the new "in" word.

chandy said...

A lot of the buzz I'm hearing is that the more probable action would be for all-day kindergarten funding to end next year, so I'm hoping that is how it plays out... I was really starting to look forward to my $70/week savings for going from all-day care to just before/after school:(

And am I the only mom who is SO excited for my baby to start kindergarten? Am I totally weird?

lmrwells said...

Delurking to say that where I llve we have to pay $340/month for "full day" kindergarten (which only goes until 2:00 so I don't know whose "full day" that is). Then I pay for after care. I thought we'd be saving a bunch when my kid finished day care, but turns out, not really. What a racket.

kristen s said...

I can't believe that woman was so snooty as to imply that you might be trying to worm your way into a school that two of your other children already attend! Could she NOT look it up? Give me a freaking break! Is there really a crime wave going on where the children of parents who carry 'Fraudas' are sneaking into schools like Andrea Zuckerman did on 90210? Boy, it's a good thing they're spending time worrying about something THAT important instead of figuring out how to keep All Day Kindergarten going (I refuse to say "Kinder")... I mean, think of the horrors of an "outsider" actually getting in the school. GASP!

DevilsHeaven said...

I talked to my co-worker about this, and she is going to be paying $500 a month for the "before" care AND the "after" care. I was floored. And she had to show the bill too, actually had to show THREE.