Sunday, March 29, 2009

Reunions and Stuff

Yeah I know, I haven't been around much lately. I'm aware. And I'm sorry. I'd like to say I have been busy with all kinds of fabulous adventures, but I haven't. I have been busy, with work and the whole wife and mom thing I have to do, so all that stuff kind of cramps my style a bit. Interferes with my writing time, you know?

Plus let's be totally honest.... I don't have much to share. It hasn't been that exciting of a week. There's all kinds of stuff I could vent all over you, but really, who wants to hear that crap? Not me.

Oh wait! One kind of interesting thing happened. Are you ready?? I got an invitation for my twenty year reunion. It was like a slap in the face from the post office. Thanks guys! I graduated high school twenty years ago?? Seriously?? What the hell have I been doing with my life since? Besides wasting time taking Facebook quizzes and listing my top five favorite movies and books and crap. People. I need Facebook rehab. Stat.

And I don't think I'm gonna go. To the reunion, that is. I kind of want to. Out of some morbid curiosity. But Dee already said she WOULD NOT go with me. And if she doesn't go, her husband doesn't go. So my husband won't have anyone to play with. And I am not going all by myself. No way.


So I probably won't go. But I am going to lose weight anyway. Just in case. I have until September. Awesome.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

He Was Right. I Was Wrong. There, I Said It.

So how's it going? What's new? Did you have a nice weekend?

What? What is that you say? What is the giant elephant doing in the room? Where? I don't see it.... Oh yes, there he is. Hello big fella.

Um yeah, about that. That's called "Don't Talk Smack About April's Family Because She WILL Cut You." But anywho, it's over and I simply don't want to talk about it anymore. If you want the whole story, read Ubes' blog. I am moving on.

I learned a lesson this weekend. Ubes was right about opening the door to the past. So the door is now shut, locked and dead bolted. I went through my Facebook friends list and deleted several people with no explanation to them. Not because I don't like them. Not because I don't want to reconnect and catch up and see how well they are doing in life. I did it because I can't open myself up to the judgment anymore. I can't have people looking at my pictures and reading my status and comments from friends and thinking they can decide who I am based on these tiny snippets, these tiny fragments of my life. So if you are reading this and you are also a Facebook friend and you didn't get deleted, it's because you either know the real me, and I trust that you accept me for who I am and love me unconditionally. Lucky you! No need to thank me.

Just don't piss me off.

Relax, I am kidding.

Or am I??

Thanks to all of you who reached out and showed your support through your comments, Facebook messages, voice mails and texts. I am truly the luckiest girl in the world to have such amazing friends. I heart you, each and everyone of you!!

Friday, March 20, 2009

False Prophets

I'm running the gamut of emotions right now. Hurt, frustrated, shocked, outraged, incredulous. Super pissed off.

I want to confront. To yell and scream and question the size of someone's huevos. I want to defend. To justify and explain. I want to get in my two cents worth. I want to have the last word.

I want to open someone's eyes and make him feel small. Knock him off of his high horse. Deflate his great big giant ego so he can see he's nothing but a piece of garbage dressed in a fancy bag.

I despise people who judge. People who are hypocritical. People who are so quick to point out the faults of others while trying to hide who they really are.

Especially when these people claim to be followers of Christ. Use their Christianity to tear down others. Hide their gossip within fake expressions of concern.

Who do you think you are? You don't know us. You don't know anything about our lives. You don't know that we work hard to provide for our family, that our children are our first priority. You don't know the love that fills this house. You don't know what's in our hearts.

How dare you. How dare you look down your nose at us. How dare you spew your disgusting lies. How dare you forget where you came from. How dare you think you are any better than anyone else. You are the reason people mock Christianity. You are the reason so many others think Christians are nothing but ignorant, hateful, hypocritical nut jobs.

You don't know us. And you obviously don't know the same God we know. Our God loves. Our God provides strength. Our God forgives. Our God allows us to sleep at night, to look ourselves in the mirror in the morning, and to look each other in the eye every day with no secrets and no regrets.

So you just keep hiding behind your pulpit. Keep vomiting your outrageous amounts of self righteous crap. Keep deceiving people. Keep pretending to be something you are not. We know who you are. A liar. And a coward.

And more importantly, we know who we are. And we are not ashamed.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Stacey's Survey

It's Monday, I have the day off, my kids are up north at my mom's for the week (I know!!) and I am all alone in my house. It is awesome. So I am not wasting time on the computer today, but I did want to take a minute to participate in my girl Stacey's tag today. (But Stacey, please keep in mind I am still deliberating over the Beyonce thing. I've known you for a million years and your mom is one of my most favorite people in the whole world, so you have that going for you. Odds are I can overlook your love for Beyonce and continue our friendship. I'll let you know.)

25 Favorites - you can only pick one! This is so hard for me.... You have no idea....

1. Favorite movie - This is so difficult because I really need to break it down by genre. So I guess I have to pick one that I love and will always watch if it's on TV no matter if it already started (I have issues about coming in during the middle of something, I have to watch it from start to finish) and I own the DVD and watch it several times during the year.... I am gonna go with You've Got Mail. (I would also like to note that it was very difficult to choose between this and Love Actually. Love Actually is so dear to my heart but I really only watch it at Christmas because it is a Christmas movie and I have issues about watching movies that take place at Christmas time when it is not in fact Christmas. You've Got Mail covers three seasons so I think it is the safer choice. OCD much?? I think we have the answer to that now don't we.)

2. Favorite Singer - right now it is Josh Kelley. LOVE him. Love him love him love him.

3. Song - at this moment it is Buck Cherry's Don't Go Away.

4. Regular TV Show - This is so hard.... Lost. No wait, The Office. No, let's stick with Lost.

5. Reality TV Show - The Amazing Race.

6. Game - Scattergories.

7. Author/Book - Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.

8. Magazine - People.

9. Animal - Dogs. We are thinking about getting a puppy!

10. Color - Again, difficult. Depends on what we are talking about. Probably gonna have to go with red.

11. Season - Spring.

12. Weather - I love a gray day.

13. Flower - Stargazer Lillies.

14. Holiday - Christmas.

15. Recreational Activity - Reading.

16. School - Really don't care. Let's say ASU for Uberman.

17. Ice Cream - Cake Batter with Brownies from Cold Stone. Heaven in a little cup I tell ya!!

18. Candy Bar - Twix

19. Restaurant - Too many to choose from. Let's go with North.

20. Cereal - Smart Start.

21. Beverage - Diet Coke with Vanilla

22. Snack - Saltine Crackers.

23. Car - Pontiac Solstice. But I feel like I have to defend my choice. I chose it because it's cute and affordable. If we are talking about reaching for the stars, I'd pick an Aston Martin DBS. Convertible, of course.

24. City - London England. Hands down, most fabulous city. Ever.

25. Vacation Destination - with kids, Disneyland. Without, Europe.

So thank you Stacey! And Happy Monday, lovers!

Saturday, March 14, 2009


Is there anything better than a sunny, warm Saturday afternoon watching your eight year old play third base? Sitting in the bleachers, the sun at your back, a breeze in the air while your kid catches the ball and tags the base like he has been playing this game his whole life. The roar of the crowd and the overwhelming pride that consumes you as he slides into home, the ump calling him safe as he trots back to the dugout with the biggest smile you have ever seen.

Is there anything better than walking through the park with your daughter's sticky hand in yours as she tells you you are the best mama ever?

Is there anything better than an early Saturday dinner eating pizza and wings at your favorite family hangout (Ball Park Pizza at 75th Avenue and Thunderbird, deeeeeelish!) while your husband yells at the TV in hopes the college basketball players can hear him and will take his advice.

Is there anything better than a Saturday evening, driving home with the windows down and the radio on and the kids laughing and giggling in the back. Is there anything better than your husband taking your hand and kissing it as you share a smile over the day you have had and the family your love has created.

Is there anything better than a Saturday night, snuggling in front of movie, sharing a bowl of popcorn and putting the kids to bed a little early?

Is there anything better than a Saturday?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Kinder. Garten.

I just registered my baby for kindergarten. Sigh.

And I am super irritated that this stupid state has not yet decided if they are eliminating all day kindergarten. Or "kinder" as the principal kept calling it tonight. What's up with that? "Oh we take such good care of our kinders here." and "This is the kinder playground." and "Where are my kinder teachers?? Raise your hands ladies!"

Really? Does it take that much more effort to add the "garten" to the end of the word? It's only two more syllables. And rolls nicely off the tongue. Doesn't become a tangled mess like say . . . aluminum. Or celebratory. I always stumble over that one too. But kindergarten? Pretty natural... It actually feels unnatural to just leave it at kinder. I mean if this is the kind of laziness I can expect from the "kinder" program, maybe I should consider a different school?

Anyway, back to griping about the all day kinder. Garten. I realize the state is making budget cuts. I realize all day kindergarten is an expense. I realize it would be extremely profitable for each district to charge $250 per month/per child to attend an all day program. Yes, you read that correctly. Two Hundred and Fifty Dollars. That is two Benjamins and one Grant. I know this because I am in banking a professional killer who only accepts cash. But does the state realize eliminating all day kindergarten is super inconvenient for me and will create a great big giant pain in my ass?

So as I am standing in line for information on the all day option, I am thinking about the obvious:

1. What exactly is my $250 covering each month?
2. Is my child going to be $250 worth smarter than the child who does not attend all day?
3. What the heck am I going to do with Boo if there is no all day kindergarten and I can't afford $250 a month to send her all day?
4. For $250 a month, do I get to choose which teacher I want?
4. Is that a real Prada on the arm of the woman in front of me?? (Closer inspection proved it was indeed a fake.)

So I get to the front of the registration line and turn in all of the paperwork I just completed. I hand over her immunization records and her birth certificate. The lovely woman sitting at the desk asks me for a utility bill.

Me: What? I have two other kids who attend this school.
She: Yes, I know. But we still need proof of residency.
Me: I didn't know that. I don't have a utility bill with me. I have a paystub I think.
She: No, we need to see that you are getting a utility service at the home to prove you are living there.
Me: Why would I lie about where I live?
She: Ma'am, this is a very prestigious neighborhood.
Me: It's obviously not that prestigious, that lady is carrying a fake Prada. A Frauda.
She: Regardless, there are lots of people who will lie to get their kids in this school.
Me: Really. Wow. It's a wonder why someone doesn't sell the use of their address on ebay to pay for all day kindergarten. (Smile)
She: (Narrowing eyes) How quickly can you drop off that bill?

There is no way they are letting me pick a teacher now.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I Am So Not Ready For This...

While dropping my sweet baby boys off at school today, I notice a pretty girl leaning against the wall, waiting for the gate to open to the playground. She was probably a little older than my Junior, maybe 12? A sixth grader? She was tall and lean, with super long dark hair her mother had obviously taken the time to curl with a curling iron. She was wearing an adorable hot pink and black plaid, pleated skirt with a black top and black boots that hit her at the knee. I couldn't get over how stylish she looked for such a young girl. I would have killed for that outfit.

She stood next to another girl who was shorter and fuller, but trying very hard to be equal in the cool department. I wished my boys a good day as they climbed out of my car, slinging their backpacks over their shoulders as they walked toward the gate.

I watched as they walked in front of Cool Girl. And then I saw her face light up as my Junior walked toward her. She smiled, her eyes sweeping him from head to toe. She watched him walk by and then turned to her little friend.

"He's cute," she said with a giggle, as they turned back for a second look.

Um, excuse me?? Oh no you don't! Listen here Pinky McSkank. Don't you be looking at my baby with those goo goo eyes. You keep your acrylics out of my son, you hear me?? And where is your mother and what was she thinking sending you to school dressed like this? Where are your pig tails? Why isn't there a picture of Barbie on your t-shirt? Are those boots appropriate for PE? I need a copy of the school dress code, stat!

It was everything I could do to keep myself from honking my horn and shaking my finger at the little trollop. I mean, yeah, I realize my kid is handsome and looks super cool in his sunglasses and Foo Fighters t-shirt, but he is eleven. ELEVEN. He doesn't need an older woman getting between him and his GI Joes.

Please God, please. Just give me a few more years where I am the most important girl in his life...

Monday, March 2, 2009

One Year Ago...

Princess themed 1st Birthday cake

Today is my Blogiversary. Or as we say in the South West, birthday-oh de blog-oh.
One year ago today I wrote this magical work of art and I haven't looked back. Well, actually that is not true. I have looked back a lot. But I have never regretted starting the blog.
I think I have finally settled into a good place, a place where I am comfortable just being me, regardless of who is reading (Hi Mrs. B! I love you!). Because this is me. I am not pretending to be someone different. My life is not perfect. I am not perfect. But, I started this blog as a tool to get my thoughts and ideas and emotions out of my head so it wouldn't explode. And I feel I have been very successful.
So thanks for sharing this journey with me. I can't wait to see where it takes us in the future.
So you may be wondering how I have been celebrating this momentous occasion. Are you sure you can handle it? Okay, twist my arm.
Get this, first I went to work. (Which kind of sucks a little bit lately. I'm trying to get up the courage to talk to you about it.) Then, I picked up the kids and hit the grocery store (where I ran into the The Maid's Butler). I know, how could I handle this much fun in one day, right? Finally I came home, unpacked the groceries, unloaded the dishwasher, made dinner for everyone else and ate 8 green olives straight from the jar. Then I wanted to be sick. Now I am washing it down with a tall cold glass of diet ginger ale. In a few minutes I will take a shower and then go to bed.
I know dudes. It's a wonder why I don't have a throng of paparazzi outside waiting for me. I am such a rock star.