Thursday, February 26, 2009

Full Circle

I had kind of a crummy day. It started bad, one of those mornings where I am a total screaming psycho trying to get the kids out the door. And I hate that. I hate sending them off to school after I have been nuts all morning.

So the two minute ride to school was nothing but me lecturing them.

"Why don't you guys listen to me? What's the point of me talking to you anymore? It just goes in one ear and out the other. You guys just don't care. I am wasting my energy, my words, my BREATH by telling you to pick up your clothes and your stuff. And it hurts me. It hurts me that you don't listen. I don't get it!! You just don't give a crap."

Fast forward 10 hours and I am driving them home from their Granny's (who kindly watches them after school for us) and I see flashing lights in my rear view. Oh, I better get of his way, he's in a hurry, I think very naively. But guess what? As I switch lanes, he follows. Butthole.

He swaggers up to my window. Why do they swagger? What is up with the swagger? Is it supposed to be menacing? Because it's not. It's just really annoying.

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"Because you wanted to know how I get my hair so soft and shiny?"

Okay so I really didn't say that. But I thought he was pulling me over for my window tint. Which is a wee bit too dark. Okay so it's really dark. And I have been ticketed for it before. But I didn't want to plant any ideas in his head, just in case it wasn't the tint. So I said...

"Was I speeding?"

"Do you know how fast you were going?"

If I knew, would I ask if I was speeding?? Duh.

"Ma'am, do you know what the speed limit is on this road?"

"Yes of course I do, it's 45."

"Try 40."

"No, it's 45."

Raises his eyebrow at me. "Ma'am, the posted speed limit on this road is 40 miles per hour. Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I am assuming more than 40?" He doesn't think I am funny.

"I clocked you at 55."

I exhaled slowly as he returned to his car to write up my ticket. I turned to Junior in the passenger seat.

"I am so grounded. Daddy's gonna kill me."

When we arrived home that kid sold me out right away. Ubes was ticked. I don't blame him. At first he just made that heavy breathing noise through his nose and rolled his eyes a few times.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked him.

"A little," he said. And then he said the worst thing he could ever say...

"I'm just really disappointed."

Oh, right to the heart....

"Babe! I'm sorry. I didn't know!"

"You didn't know you were speeding??"

"No, I didn't know there were cops in the area. He tricked me! He was in an unmarked car! It was one of those silver Chargers. The dirtbag."

"But I tell you and tell you you need to slow down. I tell you all the time you need to watch it. Especially on that road, they radar all the time. You don't listen to me. It goes in one ear and out the other. You don't care. It's like you don't give a crap."

And suddenly I got it. The entire world began to make sense. I knew what he was feeling, I couldn't even defend myself anymore. And I also knew what my kids felt this morning. I was able to see all sides of the story.

And now I get it. And I do give a crap. And I know how to make them give a crap. I am going to start writing tickets. Tickets are expensive. But the lesson of the consequence is totally worth it.

And I am so gonna swagger while I am doing it...

10 comments:

April J. said...

I can't rememeber how I came across you blog, but as un-funny as this story is, to which I can relate completely, this made me chuckle...in a humble way of course!

Sue said...

I have to admit, when I saw the title to this post I thought you were talking about boobs again.

So sorry to hear about yout ticket...major bummer! I hope you can go to school to keep it off your record.

Fingers crossed...

Practically Joe said...

If there's ever a next time being pulled over ... just say what you are really thinking. I'm curious to know how that would turn out.

WILLIAM said...

Don't bother writing tickets to the kids. Just give them a goodold fashioned LA COP beat down.

DevilsHeaven said...

I totally had a flashback from your "you don't give a crap speech." Yeah, my mom said it too.
Sigh, lol.

Gladys said...

Well at least you REALLY were speeding. I got a ticket for going 32 miles an hour in a 30 mile an hour zone. How the hell can you detect 2 miles over? Oh and Trooper Bob didn't do anything but laugh at me over it.

Can I make a suggestion about you children? Duct tape them to the wall. It makes life so much more sane. ;)

Gladys said...

Well at least you REALLY were speeding. I got a ticket for going 32 miles an hour in a 30 mile an hour zone. How the hell can you detect 2 miles over? Oh and Trooper Bob didn't do anything but laugh at me over it.

Can I make a suggestion about you children? Duct tape them to the wall. It makes life so much more sane. ;)

Coffee Bean said...

Reformed speedster here. Ouch. Once I got clocked doing 94 mph. I was on the way home from a church retreat. I haven't lived it down.

Stacey said...

You rock. Nothing more to say.

Chris H said...

Bugger about the ticket..
YOu must tell what sort of tickets your are going to dole out to ya kids... I want to know so I can do it too!