Friday, December 12, 2008

Santa

My kids piss me off.

None of them want to go see Santa. The oldest one I can understand. He's 11. He knows. But the other two? What is their problem??

And isn't it funny how we teach our kids not to talk to strangers and yet once a year we dress them up and force them onto the lap of a fat, bearded dude just because he's dressed in a red suit and laughs out a "ho ho ho." Any other time of year we would be calling the police if that guy came within 20 feet of our precious babies. "Pervert!" we would scream as we doused him in pepper spray and kicked him in the huevos.

But no. It's Christmas and he's passing out candy canes. Well by all means, here you go! Please, hold my child total stranger! Put her on your lap! Of course she wants a candy cane! Why would I have a problem with a strange man in a red velvet suit passing out candy to my children??

Come on kid, climb up on Santa's lap!! What do you mean you don't to?? Get up there, you ungrateful little brat and stop crying so I can take your picture. It's Santa, what the hell is wrong with you?? Say cheeeeeese!!

I just don't get why they don't want to do it....

9 comments:

fattylumpa said...

Please don't forget that you are handing your child over to the candy wielding perv so that he can drive his magical, animal-pulled car to your house and then BREAK IN WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING AND EAT YOUR FOOD.
No, no, don't worry, he doesn't need your address. He knows where you live, and he's been WATCHING you.

Sue said...

It broke my heart when my kids wanted to stop visiting Santa. Then there came the whole deal of "I don't believe in Santa" crapola.

That was an easy fix though...I just reminded them that if they didn't "believe" in Santa, the he wouldn't bring them any presents. Simple as that.

Trisha said...

Too funny!

Gladys said...

Wait your kids don't want too sit on Santa's lap? That's horrible. Mine are all in thier 20's and they all still sit on Santa's lap. ;) I still sit on Santa's lap. The little kids at the mall get really pissed too.

Coffee Bean said...

You are hysterical!

Got something for ya on me blog!

WILLIAM said...

The kids know....change the letter around in the word Santa....you get....SATAN.

DevilsHeaven said...

I never thought of it that way, but you are so right!!!
I remember when I was little my mom took me to get my picture taken and I was the ONLY kid in a 4 town radius who actually SMILED while on Santa's lap.
I was literally their poster child!!
My 15mins of fame. Needless to say, I LOVE that picture.

Roland Hulme said...

I like Sue's approach - at my parent's house, we still get stockings even though all us kids are in their 30's. The downside is - I got delegated to deliver them!

Wifey and Baby are definitely going to have surprise stockings this year.

APRIL! I love your 'new look' xmassy blog. It's stunning.

ed said...
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