Friday, November 21, 2008

Random Crapola

Okay faithful readers, I'm gonna be straight with ya. I'm tired. Dog tired. I could sit here and spit out a half-assed attempt at witty banter, or I can just be honest. I just don't have it in me tonight. I would so much rather be cuddling in bed with my Uberman watching the 8 gozillion hours of stuff on the TiVo. And I am sure y'all can appreciate that. So just for fun, because I don't want you leaving disappointed, I will tell you a few bits of useless trivia about me and we'll call it a night. Shall we?

1) I never say y'all in real life. I'm a bit of a grammar snob. I also never say ain't. Or use double negatives. But I can never remember the rule for who and whom.

2) When I was little, my babysitter was the girlfriend of Gary Gilmore (Tommy Lee Jones, The Executioner's Song?? Anyone??) She was my babysitter prior to being the girlfriend of Gary Gilmore, but still.

3) I never had any wisdom teeth. And I have a 12 year molar that never came in. It's up there, it just never dropped. And I have only had 1 cavity in my entire life and that was in the last two years. I cracked the molar eating a Jolly Rancher and developed a tiny cavity.

4) I have a knack for dialects. I can tell where you are from by listening to the way you speak. I can hear the difference in southern accents too. And this talent is not just limited to American accents. If you are speaking English, more than likely I can tell you where you are from. British accents too, I can even tell the difference between southern and northern Brits. And even if you don't think you have an accent, I bet you do. I have a bit of a southern drawl, especially when I'm tired. Uberman thinks it's funny to ask me to say dog. He swears I break it up into two syllables.

5) And since we are talking about talking, I should let you know that I am very often told I sound like a little kid on the phone. I have been mistaken for my 11 year old son for years. By my own family members. How sad is that?

6) I can't sleep if my feet are covered. And I usually pull the sheets out from the bottom of the bed to uncover my feet. This drives Ubes crazy. And we have been sharing a bed for almost 15 years. You'd think he would get over it and move on. But no.

7) When I was nine I wrote a letter to M&M/Mars asking why they don't make a mixed bag of both plain and peanut M&M's. They wrote back explaining that the point was for you to buy both bags. But I am telling you, if they ever come out with a mixed bag, I am suing them. I still have a copy of that letter so I have proof it was my idea. Dirtbags.

8) My eyes are a weird color. Not blue, but not green. Sometimes they have a grey tint. They change depending on what I am wearing and also what mood I am in. I am often asked if I wear contacts. But my OBGYN (who rocks, by the way) says they are the color they are because I don't eat enough vegetables. I don't know if this is true. But they were more blue when I was younger. The older I get, the more green they become.

9) I am 5' 4" and a half. But my driver's license says 5' 5". I have long legs though and have a hard time finding pants in a length that I feel is acceptable. I also have super long arms. I'm a freak.

10) I have never experimented with drugs. None. Not one. And the first time I ever got drunk I was 21. And when I tell people this they always say "You've never even smoked pot?" Um, is pot a drug? Yes? Then no. My parents were really open about stuff and always said if I wanted to try anything, they would get it for me and I could try it at home. Mystery over. Never tried it. Still have no desire to try it. Uberman has never tried anything either. We're square and we like it that way. But I am not judging you if you do it. Whatever floats your boat.

Okay so there you go. Now I am off to bed to catch up on three weeks of The Office. Peace out.


Becky said...

I'm 5 3 and 3/4...and let me tell you that whole round up thing is totally legal...mathematically, I AM 5' 4".

Got it?

Thought so.

The Maid
PS - Thanks for the nod to the Maid baby...very sweet comment...8 days old and already published! :) And you barely got a look at him...just imagine if you had held him as much as I have how pretty you would think he is! LOL

for a different kind of girl said...

I always get called by my 11 year old son's name when I answer the phone, too! I asked him if people ever say my name when calling and he answers the phone. He was aghast, and said no!

Also, I hung with the druggies in high school, but I never so much as even wanted to try anything, so I never did. I also have never even pretended to try smoking a cigarette. I'm like you, no judgement, and no desire.

Katie @ 3 Blondes and a Redhead said...

I'm appauled, April. (did I spell that right?) You allowed yourself to get THREE WEEKS behind on The Office? I would never...

And I still have 2 baby teeth. Every time I get dental x-rays, I'm told this shocking secret. They seem shocked, so maybe it's rare??? I wish I didn't have wisdom teeth. It took getting cavaties in them and NOT wanting to pay to fill the cavaties before I finally agreed to have them removed.

Trisha said...

I used to say that I was 5'5" until my old endocronologist corrected me. . . . now I have to say that I am 5'4 3/4". It drives people crazy when I say that . . . which is just a fun perk! I sort of have the opposite problem as you - my legs and arms are regular length but my torso is all weird. I need petite pants simply because of the rise. Most regular rise pants end up with the waitline somewhere around my bustline - not fun!

DevilsHeaven said...

A mixed bag of M&M's? OMG, you are a genius! I never even thought of that until you said it! I'm a peanut girl, but still! SMARTIE!
F is like you about the sheets, but he does it so he can tuck the covers under his feet, drives me nuts too.
I've never experimented either. I stick to the legal stuff. Vodka anyone?

Sue said...

I loved this post...and you are anything but a freak.