Monday, October 13, 2008

Potty Mouth

In case you haven't guessed, I struggle with a bit of a potty mouth. I know, it's terrible. Especially because I am a mother and I am supposed to be a Christian and a role model to my kids blah blah blah. Don't judge me, okay? Some people smoke, some people drink, some people are wearing stockings with open toe shoes. We all have our faults. It's not like I am walking around here dropping F bombs all the time. I at least wait until the kids are out of earshot for that.

Oh, relax. I am totally kidding. Or am I? Shut up, Raia.

It was bad enough when my oldest, Junior, was a little over a year old and he would drop something and say "Oh chicks." So guess what? I started to spell it. And then I had Mac. Who would drop a toy or a fish cracker and say "Oh ess aych eye tee." And my mother in law did not think it was so funny when I would go "Listen to that! He's a genius!"

And so I worked really hard and tried my best not to swear in front of the kids. I tried substituting, like saying "Oh pickles!" Or "Oh shaving cream!" But occasionally, a swear word would slip out. Or I would still spell it. And then Junior started saying "You know mom, we can spell. We know what you're saying."

But it was Mac who really put me in my place. The other day we were driving somewhere, in a hurry as usual. I could not get over into the lane I needed in order to turn. I missed the turn and before I even thought about it, a minor expletive flew out of my mouth. The car got very quiet. And then I hear Mac from the back seat:

"Mom, it really hurts baby Jesus' heart when you talk like that."

Nothing like your eight your old making you feel like a heathen, eh?

So I am going to do it. I am committed to this. I'm going to stop swearing. Really, I am. Okay, stop laughing. I am. Just you wait and see. Jerks.

I said I was going to stop swearing. Not stop calling names. One thing at a time people. Baby steps. Sheesh.

13 comments:

for a different kind of girl said...

I should have read this 20 minutes ago. Baby Jesus is weeping uncontrollably right now because of me already this morning!

Trisha said...

I know what you are going through. As an elementary school teacher I decided to not swear at all because I was afraid that if I swore in my personal life, it might accidentally slip out in the classroom. I am proud to say that after 15 years of teaching, I only said s*** one time - when a gold fish was in danger of sufficating. Long story.

Good luck!

Accidental housewife said...

Just remember those Almost Profanities are just as bad. I had a friend whose little 5 year old had a bad habit of repeating his daddy's frickin, frackin, f-in expletives. Not a good scene to see a 5 year old stand up in church and tell how his f-in dog crapped on the lawn. :)

You Can Do IT. (said in my best Cajun Man immitation)

DevilsHeaven said...

I'm sorry, but anything where "Baby Jesus" is referenced cracks me the H-E- Double Hockey Sticks UP!
My mom ALWAYS swore. I never thought anything of it, except that I wasn't allowed to say it too.
Your kids will be FINE, dang it!

WILLIAM said...

fuck

Stacey said...

"Hurts Baby Jesus' heart"? Did you just about want to throw yourself through the windshield??

Alas, I too am a potty mouth. Actually it's more of a poopy mouth. That's much worse than a potty mouth, in case you were wondering. It's my husband's fault, really. I used to be such a nice girl until he got a hold of me.

I've tried. I've tried to stop. I can't. It's an addiction. Half of the time I don't even realize what I said until I already said it. Like at Cole's flag football game a few weeks back. I'm surrounded by football parents and several children. Bible belt living football parents and children. Picture me in my Whitesboro t-shirt, my paw print charm bracelet (in honor of the Bearcats), my video camera up to my eye filming away as we scored yet another touchdown. The very essence of the perfect Mother. Oh yay, so proud! Such joyful cheering! Penalty??? TD no good? "Well, sh*t!" comes flying out of my mouth before I could stop myself. Every head in a 20 foot radius whips around to stare at me. Can you say humiliation? Stupid goody two shoes people.

I felt like hollering back, "Oh f*#k off!".

But I applaud your effort. I hope you're better at succeeding that I have been.

Bogart in P Towne said...

I stopped back in college when a nonchristian buddy called me on it...but I have been rethinking it over the past year or so...you see, we substitute words and make it seem like we are doing better...but I honestly wonder if "oh frick" is really better than the f-bomb...or shouting "Crap" is that much better than the stuff that comes out of a cow's backside.

I guess I just think that we give so much power to specific words and not to others...it seems so arbitrary.

If we are to control our mouths, do you think it has more to do with the overall "explitive" use or specific words?

I really am asking...I think I know the answer, but it has taken me a looooonnnngggg time to get there.

chandy said...

A friend of mine posted on this topic somewhat recently.

Here are her thoughts if you want to check it out:

http://whatilearnedfromthewordtoday.blogspot.com/2008/07/verse-to-help-you-quit-cussing.html

kristen s said...

April, my new years resolution for the last 10 years has been to put an end to my potty mouth, and I'm ashamed to say that I always break my resolution each and every year before breakfast is even over.

Like Stacey, I blame my husband. He has turned me into someone who could make sailors blush. Baby Jesus is crying so hard at me it must sound like he has colic. I am ashamed, and I know I need to stop, but then I get all fired up and mad and the bad words just come flying out of my mouth. It's like four letter vomit.

My oldest two kids heard the words and knew they were bad, but also knew they weren't allowed to say them, so I kept telling myself I wasn't such a horrible mom after all. Unfortunately, Mr. #3 came along and thinks that if I can say it, he can say it.... with feeling.

I'm totally with you. I am going to try and stop too (AGAIN). I doubt I can stop cold turkey, but I'll try to tone it down to at least a PG13 rating. Yep, Mother of the Year. That's me!

Becky said...

Well, my dear, you know about my issue with this topic! :) I could have that "friend" of mine call you and tell you all the glorious things she told me...in the name of Christian love, of course. LOL

I try to bite my tongue around my family...and all I end up with is a bleeding tongue. Ess Ache Eye Tee!

I wish you luck...and I am right there with you. Give yourself grace...and if you have to...scream your profanities into a pillow!

The Maid

Katie @ 3 Blondes and a Redhead said...

Good for you, girl! I gave it up in college because it had gotten out of control. I'd drop the f-bomb in the sentence, "I have to go grocery shopping." It was really junvenile. I did a whole Extreme Makeover Me Edition that year...no fast food, no soda, no saying things about people that I wouldn't (or shouldn't) say to their face...

You know me! I heap much more on myself than I should, but what worked was the silly substitutions, like you were saying. I had to make it horribly embarrassing like, "golly gee whiz" and other Cleaver family favorites. Now I'm actually in the habit of spitting out accidental phrases like "oh, MAN!" or "OH NO!" I sound silly saying that when I drop a glass on the tile, but I'm proud of how far I've come and you will be too!!!

Practically Joe said...

Swearing in a foreign language may be helpful. I know all the Italian swear words.

Caitlin said...

But I fucking love swearing!