So Raia has gotten me hooked on the Twilight books. I know. I can't believe I am reading a series of books about a girl who falls in love with a vampire. And I can't put them down. And don't tell anyone I told you this, but I am only half way through the second book and I have already cried. Twice. Seriously. Actual tears on my face.
And Uberman thinks the whole thing is hilarious. He's making fun of me. He's making fun of Me. When he's the one screaming into his headset and taunting some 14 year old kid in Columbus "Oh yeah! I kicked your ASS! You suck at Medal of Honor kid. Maybe you should go back to Mario Party!" Uh-huh.
So the following is a transcript of an actual conversation we had last night while I was trying to read and he was learning to virtually jump out of a plane without getting killed by Nazis (insert eye roll here):
Uberman: So how did he learn to stop time?
Uberman: The vampire.
Me: He doesn't stop time.
Uberman: He doesn't stop time?
Uberman: Huh. What about teleport?
Uberman: He doesn't teleport?
Me: No. Can I read my book now?
Uberman: Sure. So what does he do?
Me: He listens to people's thoughts.
Uberman: Well sure, don't they all?
Me: No, some of them have different gifts.
Uberman: Like what?
Me: Like his sister predicts the future.
Uberman: A vampire who can predict the future?
Me: Yeah. And his brother has the ability to calm a tense situation.
Uberman: That's a sucky gift.
Me: I guess. Can I please read now?
Uberman: How do they make money? Do they have jobs?
Me: Duh, the sister predicts the future. They invest in the market.
Uberman: Oh. But they don't teleport?
Me (frustrated): No! They don't teleport!
Uberman (laughing): Why?
Me (eyes rolling, voice getting shrill): Because that would make it ridiculous!
Uberman wiped the tears from his eyes, shoulders shaking from hysterical laughter.
Not that I am knocking these books, because they are riveting. But in my own defense I would like to point out that I have been reading Jane Austen since 1987, before it was cool to read Jane Austen. I love Hawthorne, Steinbeck and Henry James and I think To Kill A Mockingbird was the greatest piece of fiction ever written. Not that I feel like I have to defend myself. I'm just sayin'.