Okay can we talk, just between us for a second? And do you promise not to think I am being gossipy and bitter? Because I really have to get something off my chest and, I don't know, I just feel like I can trust you and we can talk about stuff, you know?
Is it just me or do you ever think the worst part about being a mom is competing with other moms? Not because you want to, but because you feel like the other moms want to. I mean it's ridonculous. Right?
You should see some of the moms dropping off their kids at Boo's preschool. It seems there are two acceptable uniforms for the moms, and unfortunately, I didn't get the memo. Either they are decked out in adorable tops, cuffed shorts, cute shoes, matching jewelry and full on hair and makeup, or they are wearing gorgeous work out clothes that cost too much money to sweat seriously in. And of course, still full on hair and make up and jewelry. Dudes, who wears jewelry to work out? Granted it's been a long time since I have been to the gym. But still, am I going to wear my diamonds and pearls while I'm on the anti-Christ elliptical?? I don't get it.
So of course I don't want to be the mom that looks like she just rolled out of bed and threw on some shorts and the t-shirt she cleans the toilets in. So I try to fit in. I wear yoga pants and matching t-shirt. That I have never done yoga in. Ever. Unless standing in line at Starbucks counts. A pose I call Patiently Waiting Forward Facing Caffeine Addict. But seriously, I do always put a little make up on so I look like I made an effort and I don't scare the other small children. But I feel like such a fraud.
I mean what time do these women get up in the morning? How do they get their kids ready for school and still have time to look like they are on their way to to the World's Most Gorgeous Mom pageant? Do they not have laundry to fold? Dishes in the sink? A blog to update? What the heck?
So last week I was waiting to sign my daughter into her class when one of the Mombots says to me "Oh are you going to work out, too?" I laughed and said "When you say work out do you mean walk around Wal-Mart?" She just gave me a blank look. I am not sure if she was offended that I made a joke about the sanctity of exercise or if it's because she has never heard of Wal-Mart. Maybe next time I should say Target?
Seriously. Is it just me? Or are these women taking over suburbs everywhere?