Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Perfection is Over Rated

Okay can we talk, just between us for a second? And do you promise not to think I am being gossipy and bitter? Because I really have to get something off my chest and, I don't know, I just feel like I can trust you and we can talk about stuff, you know?

Is it just me or do you ever think the worst part about being a mom is competing with other moms? Not because you want to, but because you feel like the other moms want to. I mean it's ridonculous. Right?

You should see some of the moms dropping off their kids at Boo's preschool. It seems there are two acceptable uniforms for the moms, and unfortunately, I didn't get the memo. Either they are decked out in adorable tops, cuffed shorts, cute shoes, matching jewelry and full on hair and makeup, or they are wearing gorgeous work out clothes that cost too much money to sweat seriously in. And of course, still full on hair and make up and jewelry. Dudes, who wears jewelry to work out? Granted it's been a long time since I have been to the gym. But still, am I going to wear my diamonds and pearls while I'm on the anti-Christ elliptical?? I don't get it.

So of course I don't want to be the mom that looks like she just rolled out of bed and threw on some shorts and the t-shirt she cleans the toilets in. So I try to fit in. I wear yoga pants and matching t-shirt. That I have never done yoga in. Ever. Unless standing in line at Starbucks counts. A pose I call Patiently Waiting Forward Facing Caffeine Addict. But seriously, I do always put a little make up on so I look like I made an effort and I don't scare the other small children. But I feel like such a fraud.

I mean what time do these women get up in the morning? How do they get their kids ready for school and still have time to look like they are on their way to to the World's Most Gorgeous Mom pageant? Do they not have laundry to fold? Dishes in the sink? A blog to update? What the heck?

So last week I was waiting to sign my daughter into her class when one of the Mombots says to me "Oh are you going to work out, too?" I laughed and said "When you say work out do you mean walk around Wal-Mart?" She just gave me a blank look. I am not sure if she was offended that I made a joke about the sanctity of exercise or if it's because she has never heard of Wal-Mart. Maybe next time I should say Target?

Seriously. Is it just me? Or are these women taking over suburbs everywhere?


Kristin said...

Kudos to you for not conforming to their superficial, Barbie ways. Stand firm that it isn't about what we look like. Boo is watching you and learning. It's wonderful to take care of ourself and be positive, but there comes a point when it turns to shallow and self absorbed. I don't know these ladies, but I sure have seen a lot of them 'round town, too. I love what you said to her about Wal-Mart! You are real and sometimes that means frumpy, too.

for a different kind of girl said...

I'm lucky that I only have to walk my youngest down to the corner for the bus, which, today, I did in shorts I slipped on when I got up, a tshirt that kept slipping off my shoulders so my bra straps were exposed to the world, oh, and Crocs! Woo hoo! I'd have been a big old mess at the school with the other moms, and no kidding, but they are everywhere!

Kristi said...

Seriously, this is one of the things I hate more than words can explain. The last couple of years my oldest has been in preschool, and when he first started I was so shocked that I actually asked one of the moms what time she got up in the morning in order to be so fully decked out. She looked at me like I was from Mars.

Whatever.....my theory is that if you set the bar too high in the beginning there is nowhere else to go but ridiculousness. Obviously, that is where so many of these women have ended up. They get to a point where they have to get up at 4am just to compete. Uh......I think not!

chandy said...

These are the ladies that have words like "juicy" printed on the butt of their pants, right? I can't relate to people who actully want to draw scrutinizing attention to their backsides...

DevilsHeaven said...

I'm not there yet as a mom, but I see them all over my hood too. I don't ever remember my mom looking a mess, but I don't ever remember her looking all put together either. It's a weird stepford thing, isn't it?

DutchMac said...

Is it horrible to admit that sometimes my 'Getting Ready in the Morning' routine consists of taking off the shorts that I've slept in and putting on a denim skirt .... while simply putting on deodorant under the (PERFECTLY CLEAN) cute V-neck t-shirt I put on just before bed?

Oh, and I DO doll it up with sandals and a cute necklace, but that's only in vain hope of distracting people's eyes away from the 'Just Slept-In' wrinkles of above mentioned shirt.

At least I have the luxury of being in Holland, where (according to one of my girlfriends) the women don't own mirrors. If they did, they'd never leave the house looking the way they do. Pretty sad if the one who wears the same shirt night- and day-time is the one passing fashion judgments, huh?!

Stacey said...

You have described just about every housewife in North Scottsdale. Just about - not all. So I hope I don't offend any friends who are North Scottsdale housewives. The women you described, these are the women that my sister Laurie used to nanny for. The women who didn't work, but had NANNIES. Who spent their mornings getting all dolled up for working out, shopping, lunching with girlfriends. The women who were too darn busy flouncing around town in their Escalade's and their Rover's to keep track of their own kids so they hired nannies. These women aren't happy. They are miserable. And their husbands are cheating with their secretary's. So, you wear your never-seen-a-yoga-mat-yoga-pants with pride. You're too busy to get dressed up to work out. And why is that? Because you're taking care of your kids.

Katie @ 3 Blondes and a Redhead said...

I don't understand this phenomenon either. I'm not one to put on eye makeup unless I'm going "out" and "out" does not include dropping my kid at school or going to the grocery store. "Out" includes somewhere with someone who has to look at my face and I don't want to scare them during our conversations.

I've been motivated by one of these moms recently, though. She inspired the search for the cute, flowy white peasant skirt. I've determined that a tank and this skirt would be much more comfortable (and even more flattering) than a tank and workout pants. But my hair is staying in a ponytail. Period.

Roland Hulme said...

HILARIOUS! And I TOTALLY relate. My wife is a 'horse of a different colour' and blissfully doesn't do the soccer mom thing. But she has to navigate amongst circles who do.

I'd much prefer Mums like you!

Oh, and my writing... Strangely enough, I WAS wearing Union Jack boxer shorts. I only own one pair. I promise.

Anyway. Why are you asking me questions about my underwear, you flirtatious minx? Wink!

April said...

Whatever Roland! They say write what you know. Your character was a ginger like you, I just assumed you shared the same taste in manties.

Anonymous said...

I so wish you lived next door!

kristen s said...

Welcome to my nightmare, April. I have been dealing with the "mombots" for about 13 years now. What's up with these women? Did they not get the memo that we're supposed to be obese in America?

I do admit to wearing makeup when out of the house... mostly to avoid completely embarrassing my children. However, as a housewife in North Scottsdale, I have to let your friend Stacey know that not ALL of us fit the mombot profile. I can actually hear the "One of these things is not like the other" music from Sesame Street playing as I walk my kids to class....even when I have bothered to fix myself up.

Oh, and if my husband is cheating on me with his secretary, that would actually crack me up. She's the nicest lady ever, but she's nearing retirement and collects Snoopy stuff. Plus, I'm quite certain that he annoys the heck out of her, so she wouldn't want to go there anyway.

Becky said...

I have walked my kids to the bus stop a time or two in slept in shirt and pajama pants..barefoot...no makeup...and probably with a giant imprint of the comforter smack dab across my forehead.

And you know what? I don't give a flying fig. The people in my neighborhood have 1.2 children...drive expensive cars that are too big for the size of their families...and they hire maids to keep their house clean.

Had I not been pregnant or nursing for the last 16 years, doing laundry for a family of almost 10, sometimes cooking, sometimes cleaning, paying bills, grocery shopping, praying, studying, and taking care of more kids in my household than exist on my entire street...I might look like a Barbiefied mombot.

Thank God for unanswered prayers!

The Maid