Thursday, July 24, 2008

The Unknown

Well folks, this is going to be a serious post. Prepare.

I have said this before, but there are so many times when I wish I had decided to remain anonymous. It's not that I am a private person, because I will tell you anything you want to know. It's just that sometimes, I think I would be more open with my feelings if I was sure nobody I knew was reading about them. I'm a pretty open person in real life, so I am not sure why I find it difficult to share certain things on my blog. Maybe it's the fear of criticism or judgement. I really don't know.

But I started this blog for me. And sometimes I need to forget that there are other people reading it. Sometimes I need to use it just to get stuff off my chest. To deal with stuff I am keeping inside.

So with that said.... It has been a difficult two weeks.

I have talked vaguely about work. Let's just say for the past four years I have been working in an industry where confidentiality is necessary. But the industry I am in has affected and been affected by the economy, if that makes sense. And for a while we were fine. But as the downward spiral of the economy continued, things began to slow. And then, in the past few months, things have come to a screeching halt. I'm not stupid. I keep my eyes open. I watch CNBC every day, all day. I know what's going on and why. I knew my job was a ticking time bomb. So last week, the He Boss regretfully informed me they wouldn't be needing me anymore.

It was a difficult decision for him. I could see it on his face. I could hear it in his voice. But I wasn't surprised. I knew it was coming. Even though people would ask me how my job was going, I would smile and tell them it was fine. But I knew.

Today was my last day.

I have been very fortunate to work for the two people who own this business. I have learned so much from them. Not only about this industry, but running a business in general. I have learned about negotiating, about taking advantage of opportunity, about the importance of confidence and how to get people to do what you need them to do. I have learned that helping someone accomplish their goals can be more rewarding than making money.

At this point, my career path is uncertain. Can I just tell you how much I hate uncertainties? I fear the unknown. So yeah, I'm a little scared. I am focusing on the positives. I am fortunate that Uberman has an amazing job that provides us with benefits. I am fortunate that he works so hard so that I don't have to work as much and I can be there for our babies. I am fortunate that right now there is no need to panic.

God has a plan. When one door shuts, another one opens. Change is good. Yes, I have heard them all. And I am thankful for the people who love me enough to say these things to me. But I still have the nervous tummy. I still am not sleeping well at night. I am still uncertain about the future. I know I am being steered in another direction. I can feel that with every part of my being. And I do have hope. Which is a lot more than many people out there have right now.

So! Focusing on the positives, I came up with a list titled The Benefits of Being (Temporarily) Unemployed. Ladies and Gentlemen, here they are:

  • I can spend the last two weeks of summer enjoying my children before they head back to school.
  • I can focus my energy on cleaning my house, catching up on laundry and organizing my closet.
  • I can catch up on my People magazines and hopefully read at least one of the seven books collecting dust on my nightstand.
  • I can go to lunch with my girlfriends.
  • I do not have to think about what I am going to wear and whether or not it is clean and/or ironed.
  • I do not have set tire on the freeway.
  • I will spend less money on gas!!
  • I can sleep in, at least until the kids get me up.
  • I can go grocery shopping in the middle of the day and avoid the crowds.
  • And most importantly - I will not feel worn out at the end of the day and guilty about the time spent away from home.
So raise your Diet Pepsi cans with me. Here's to the great unknown!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6


kristen s said...

Oh April, that sucks. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I know all of those famous little sayings sound like BS at times like this, but there really can be truth to them.

I remember when I had my second kiddo and wanted more than ANYTHING to stay home. I felt like I'd missed so much of my first born's life, but didn't think we could pull it off if I quit working entirely. I made up a big proposal showing how I could work part-time and still crank out the work of a full-timer (which I totally could have) but in the end it was denied. I felt really let down by the company I had stuck with for so long, but in the end, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I found out that we could get by just fine on one salary, and with me able to focus on the kids, it allowed my work-a-holic husband to indulge his addiction and get promoted to the level of people I used to be afraid to talk to.

So, keep your chin up, Queen. Use this time to dig deep and decide what it is you'd truly like to be when you grow up. (I'm still trying to figure that one out for myself...) You've got so much experience under your belt that the possibilities are eeeendless!

for a different kind of girl said...

Oh, April, I'm sorry about the job situation! I've been there. Six years ago, I got one of those "Can you come into the H.R. director's office when you get into work?" phone calls before I'd left home for the day, and I knew exactly what it was about before I got there.

The key is to do exactly what you are. Thinking positively. I know it's a scary thought, and I know there's probably lots of what if's swirling around in your head. It's a scary time to be out there, but taking some time to focus on stuff that will relax you and make you happy can be a benefit, and then you can really sit down here in a few days or weeks and see where you want to turn or what you need to do as a family.

Sorry this has happened to you, but faith it will work out in the end can carry you through.

Katie said...

Oooh! Now that JW isn't working, we should meet for lunch. Or maybe meeting at one of our houses with sack lunches would be more economical...

Just talked to my mom and she said you are absolutely delightful. (duh!) All good things. More on that from her soon, I'm sure!

Lisa J said...

April, I think you're actually missing the MOST important thing you get to do now--



:) Oh, just trying to make you laugh. Sorry you're going through a hard time. I wish I was there to help--or at least go out to lunch with you.

Things will work out for you. I honestly believe that.

Sue said...

April, I feel for you, and understand your apprehensiveness. Change has always scared me too. But, as you mentioned, when one door closes, another opens. I believe wholeheartedly that things happen for a reason, sometimes it just takes a little while for us to figure it out.

Hang in there, enjoy the time with your kids, and trust that this is what is supposed to happen.

Sue said...

Forgot to tell you...stop by my blog when you get a chance...I've given you an award...something I'm sure you've gotten before, but wanted to include you since I think you are so awesome!

Kristi said...

OK, right now you need to get a good bottle of [insert beverage of your choice here] and make a toast to the event that just happened to you. You may not be able to see it now (wouldn't it be wonderful to have omnipotent perspective?) but sometime down the road in your life you will be able to look back and pinpoint THIS EVENT as the fork in the road that led you on a different path. And be immensely grateful for it.

So toast it now, and excitedly wait for what comes next! Reading a little Robert Frost "The Road Not Taken" might help a bit too. Thinking of you chica....

Caitlin said...

April, my friend, I am rooting for you. You know all too well how familiar I am with this situation, and I know the rollercoaster of emotions you're experiencing right now.
I think you have a great attitude about it: Enjoy the last two weeks of summer with your kids, and then go from there. I know it's hard - if not impossible - to truly relax when you have this weighing heavily on your mind: But give yourself a few weeks to enjoy your little vacation, and then begin your new journey.
Life has mysterious ways of working itself out, and I truly believe that if you feel, deep down, that you are being steered in a different direction, then you are.

Sending big hugs.
And margaritas.

Anonymous said...

Oh Sweetie... I am sorry! But, you are so right. When God closes one door he opens another. Sometimes the scariest changes, in the end, are the best changes. I will be praying for y'all as you navigate through your new circumstances!

Jessie said...

You know I'm bummed for you, girl. But lunch sounds fab!

Love you!

DevilsHeaven said...

I made that same list when I had 4 days off and none of it got done! HAHAHAHA, good luck with it! Although I'm sure you'll cross off the kid related stuff.
And I'm there with you on the worry and the unknown. I'm toeing that line myself right now. We all need all the prays we can get!

WILLIAM said...

That sucks. I am sorry to hear that.