I have said this before, but there are so many times when I wish I had decided to remain anonymous. It's not that I am a private person, because I will tell you anything you want to know. It's just that sometimes, I think I would be more open with my feelings if I was sure nobody I knew was reading about them. I'm a pretty open person in real life, so I am not sure why I find it difficult to share certain things on my blog. Maybe it's the fear of criticism or judgement. I really don't know.
But I started this blog for me. And sometimes I need to forget that there are other people reading it. Sometimes I need to use it just to get stuff off my chest. To deal with stuff I am keeping inside.
So with that said.... It has been a difficult two weeks.
I have talked vaguely about work. Let's just say for the past four years I have been working in an industry where confidentiality is necessary. But the industry I am in has affected and been affected by the economy, if that makes sense. And for a while we were fine. But as the downward spiral of the economy continued, things began to slow. And then, in the past few months, things have come to a screeching halt. I'm not stupid. I keep my eyes open. I watch CNBC every day, all day. I know what's going on and why. I knew my job was a ticking time bomb. So last week, the He Boss regretfully informed me they wouldn't be needing me anymore.
It was a difficult decision for him. I could see it on his face. I could hear it in his voice. But I wasn't surprised. I knew it was coming. Even though people would ask me how my job was going, I would smile and tell them it was fine. But I knew.
Today was my last day.
I have been very fortunate to work for the two people who own this business. I have learned so much from them. Not only about this industry, but running a business in general. I have learned about negotiating, about taking advantage of opportunity, about the importance of confidence and how to get people to do what you need them to do. I have learned that helping someone accomplish their goals can be more rewarding than making money.
At this point, my career path is uncertain. Can I just tell you how much I hate uncertainties? I fear the unknown. So yeah, I'm a little scared. I am focusing on the positives. I am fortunate that Uberman has an amazing job that provides us with benefits. I am fortunate that he works so hard so that I don't have to work as much and I can be there for our babies. I am fortunate that right now there is no need to panic.
God has a plan. When one door shuts, another one opens. Change is good. Yes, I have heard them all. And I am thankful for the people who love me enough to say these things to me. But I still have the nervous tummy. I still am not sleeping well at night. I am still uncertain about the future. I know I am being steered in another direction. I can feel that with every part of my being. And I do have hope. Which is a lot more than many people out there have right now.
So! Focusing on the positives, I came up with a list titled The Benefits of Being (Temporarily) Unemployed. Ladies and Gentlemen, here they are:
- I can spend the last two weeks of summer enjoying my children before they head back to school.
- I can focus my energy on cleaning my house, catching up on laundry and organizing my closet.
- I can catch up on my People magazines and hopefully read at least one of the seven books collecting dust on my nightstand.
- I can go to lunch with my girlfriends.
- I do not have to think about what I am going to wear and whether or not it is clean and/or ironed.
- I do not have set tire on the freeway.
- I will spend less money on gas!!
- I can sleep in, at least until the kids get me up.
- I can go grocery shopping in the middle of the day and avoid the crowds.
- And most importantly - I will not feel worn out at the end of the day and guilty about the time spent away from home.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.