Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Cold as Ice

Somewhere, there is an A/C repairman blogging about me.

So.... Funny story....

Turns out our A/C was not broken. Nope. It was . . . um . . . well . . . frozen. Literally. When he finally arrived here (miffed that I had not told him our address could not be map quested), he took one look at the A/C unit and asked:

"When was the last time you changed your air filter?"

How rude! How dare he presume just by looking at our air conditioner that we were not taking care of our home! The audacity! The cajones!

Me: Sir. We change our air filter religiously every three months.
He: Yeah? I don't think so.
Me: Excuse me?
He: You see that? (Pointing to base of A/C unit)
Me: What?
He: Ice.
Me: Ice?
He: Ice!
Me: Where?
He: There. That white stuff.
Me: That's not ice. I mean come on! It's one hundred eighty degrees outside. (Laughing at his stupidity) There is no way we could have ice on the outside of the air conditioner. (What a moron!)
He: That is ice.
Me: No, it's not. They paint it white to make it look pretty.
He: (Staring. Blinking. Takes a deep breath.)
Me: Not ice. You are crazy. (Laughing again)

He took a wrench from his pocket. Why is it that all repair people have tools in their pockets? You know what I have in my pocket? Chapstick. And usually one of Boo's barrettes.
With one swift flick of his wrist, he smacked my pretty white pipe with the wrench. The white "paint" shattered and scattered across my side yard. A little piece hit me in the face, right under my eye. It was cold. Very, very cold. As I wiped it away, I felt it melting on my fingers. He picked up a piece from the ground and handed it to me.

"Ice." He said it softly. But ruefully. Jerk.

I tossed it to the side. And sighed.

Me (walking into the house): Babe?
Uberman: Yeah?
Me: When was the last time you changed the air filter?
He: I dunno.
Me: When? When!!??
He: A few months ago. When we had the trees put in, I think.
Me: When we had the trees put in? Seriously??
He: Yeah.
Me: Last SUM-MER??
He: Was it last summer? Wow.
I turned to the A/C dude, rolling my eyes and shaking my head. A/C dude was not on my side.

He: Leave it off for three hours. That should melt the ice. Call me if you need anything else. (Smirk, smirk)
Me: How much do I owe you?
He: Just give me $40. That will cover my gas.
Me: Want some lemonade? It's delish!

He didn't want the lemonade. And he didn't even crack a smile when I asked if he could adjust the humidity in the house so I could maintain my glow without looking like I had serial killer hair.

Next time I'll call a guy with a sense of humor.


Mom Taxi Julie said...

OMG too funny! They don't like it when I say you can't use mapquest for my address either. Last guy thought he would prove me wrong but it didn't work.

Chris H said...

I am laughing me head off!!!! You bloody twits! Ice indeed. Fanny here means among other things... ya vagina babe! You did ask.

Karen said...

Came over from Chris H's blog.

LOL !! Ice, that's just too funny. Especially with the current heat wave we are experiencing !!!

for a different kind of girl said...

Oh, so hilarious! You should have scooped up some of that ice, dumped it in a glass of lemonade and THEN asked if he wanted a glass!

DevilsHeaven said...

Ice? In 100 degree weather? How is that even possible?
Oh, and, AC units have air filters???

WILLIAM said...

Most AC repair men only have a sense of humor in the winter.

Kristi said...

That Murphy's Law is a bitch! That happened to us several years ago and I felt like a complete idiot. I didn't understand it then, and I don't understand it now. Way to make yourself feel superior A/C repair dude.

Rachel said...

yes, so that happened to us a few years back, and my husband plugged in hair dryers to hurry up and get the ice melted(3 hours is way too long to wait even in Texas for a.c). We learned our lesson, and now change out religiously! Too bad for you the a.c guy was a prick..he was prob mad because he thought he was going to make BIG money off of you! 40 bucks for his gas though?? How freaking far did he drive??

Bogart in P Towne said...

Snow in summer...it takes a special family to pull that off!

Anonymous said...

That, "Want some lemonade? It's delish," line got me big time! Dang it! Why do you have to live in another state? I could use a friend like you!

And so you know... our Frappy has been called Boo from the time she was a wee one. That's over 18 years babe!

Brenda said...

Mr. Friendly was intimidated by your exuberant personality and your darling posh haircut. That is why he refused your beverage. You were too much for him!

Trisha said...

Tee hee hee! Love that your life has these kinds of moments in it! It makes me feel like there are others out there like me - related to the Murphy dude!

Hope things are defrosted and you are cool again!

Becky said...

I am with Bogart. This type (brown on pink) for some reason is really hard on my eyes. ???

What is it? Maybe if the words were made larger or something? I don't know.

But Dear sweet queen...I know you want your most loyal subjects to be happy and comfortable, so will you please try out an alternative type style/color?????

The Complaining Maid (Eyes burning from the computer)