Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Random Thoughts and Observations From My Day

After three days of cholera like symptoms and no caffeine, one can suffer from a withdrawal headache so severe one will totally understand why Amy Winehouse can't give up crack. And one will have empathy for her.

When asking your bug man if he can get in the shower, it might be helpful to substitute the word spray instead of get in order to avoid an awkward moment and look of sheer terror in his eyes. At least I think it was terror. It could have been confusion bordering on apprehensive interest. But I am going with terror.

It is entirely possible for an 8 year old boy to lose a pair of shorts. Which were folded and in his drawer. But he couldn't find them because he only looked in the stack of clothes neatly folded in his laundry basket. Because he didn't know he had to put away his own clothes now. And he would like a warning next time we make up new rules.

Some people are trying to adapt in this country. I was stopped beside a delivery truck at a stop light. I thought the driver had his radio up too loud. Until I realized he was listening to a CD teaching him conversational English. CD: "Mi camisa es amarilla." Driver: "My shirt is yellow."* I wanted to give him a thumbs up and a "Good for you Amigo!" But he was concentrating.
* I may have paraphrased here because I couldn't understand what the CD or the Driver were actually saying and this is one of the few phrases I remember after two years of Spanish in Jr. High. And then I moved on to French. Which has been a huge help living in AZ.

They should hang a sign over the self checkout lane at the grocery store that says "Please - No Morons." Seriously. If you can't use the self checkout without the assistance of a grocery store employee, please please please do not try when there are 5 other people standing in line waiting to self checkout. The whole point of self checkout is to checkout by yourself. This way you avoid the line at regular checkout because you are a big girl and you can do it yourself. And you are sick of the cashier asking why you always make tacos. It's not rocket science. It's scan the product, hear the beep, drop it in the bag. Scan, beep, bag. Then follow the directions on the screen to pay. If you can read, you can do it. As a matter of fact, I don't think you even have to read. I think there are cartoon pictures showing you the process. So please, I am begging you. If you have absolutely no knowledge of electronics and/or no computer skills whatsoever - stay the flip out of self checkout. I have perishables here. Jeez.

Three days of cholera like symptoms and a blinding caffeine withdrawal headache will leave you with shaky legs, no energy, little patience, dry chapped lips, a sore throat, dark circles under your eyes, zero appetite . . . . and four point eight pounds lighter. Yep.

Totally worth it.


Sue said...

You are seriously a riot! Even with whatever's got you feeling so rotten, you totally crack me up.

I remember when I had mono when I was in college. I lost 40 lbs. in 2 months. It was awesome. I could sure use to get that again!

I hope you are feeling better soon!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

LOL too funny, did you buy diet coke at the store?

Katie said...

Yeah, I go weigh myself after the stomach flu, too. We're sick. (no pun intended!)

Are you going to STAY off Diet Coke? :) No guilt, I know you love it.

Becky said...

I am about 20 cases of cholera away from my goal weight.

IF only...

Anyhoo...I can't use the self checkout lane because I tend to lean on the scanner too much and the clerk rolls her eyes at me when the machine constantly keeps saying..."Please see cashier for assistance."


Not to mention that I usually have way too much stuff (Hot pockets) to want to scan it myself.

There really should be a "no heavy sighing" sign at those things the people behind you excercise a little more PATIENCE!


The Maid

Caitlin said...

Aprillll! Oh noes! I hope you feel better soon. I could seriously write columns about the grocery store and it's many ills.

And why SHOULDN'T you make tacos all the time? Um, hello, they are TASTY!

DevilsHeaven said...

OMG! I am SO there with you and the self check out! To add to it? HANG UP YOUR CELL so you can do some 2 handed beep and bag, um k? I have ICE CREAM melting here because YOU don't know how to say, "I'll call you back in 5 mins. I'm at the grocery store."

WILLIAM said...

I bet there are exterminators lining up to have your busniess now.

Roland Hulme said...

Four point eight pounds?


But the concept of living without coffee... I mean, can anybody really call that living?

Hope you're feeling better!