The house next door to us has been empty since we moved in. Two years ago. And of course any time we would see there were people looking at it, Uberman and I would size them up and hope beyond hope they were cool and not crazy like the family that lived next door in our previous neighborhood. Oh and let me just tell you, that's a blog for another day. Those people were cuckoo for coco puffs.
Anyhoo, we often played the "Oh I hope they can be our new best friends" game. Uberman grew up in a neighborhood where everyone was like family and they walked in and out of each other's homes. He loved that. And since I grew up in about 85 neighborhoods, I never really had that but always wanted it. Although, I am not even sure if there are neighborhoods like that anymore. But either way, we had fun coming up with a wish list of characteristics for our new next door best friends. He would have to be interested in cars and sports, especially baseball, and have an appreciation for foreign beer. She would have to be fun and friendly, but not prettier than I, and always let me be the leader and dominate the conversation. Plus it would be a bonus if she liked to scrapbook and do crafty stuff. And of course they would have to have three kids, two boys and a girl, just like us, around the same ages as our kids. You know, typical stuff everyone wants for their neighbors slash new BFF's.
So last week we were totally stoked when we saw the house had been sold. Finally! Cool new neighbors to cap off our whole this is the perfect neighborhood other than the new sex offender but still so glad we live here dream come true. (Jess, please don't hate me for that sentence.)
This week, as we have been coming and going, we have seen some moving trucks and boxes being unloaded in the garage, but no sign of the actual new owners. Then yesterday, I was rushing to get each boy to separate baseball games in separate locations, on time no less, when I thought I saw, what I thought may be, the new She Neighbor in her garage. Now seeing as I was in a MAJOR hurry and I wasn't even really sure that was her, and she wasn't even looking at me, I got in the car. I backed out of the driveway, and just as I was turning to back into the street I thought I caught a glimpse of someone jogging right behind the right side of my rear bumper. I slammed on the brake and craned my neck to the right to confirm there was indeed a person behind me.
I almost, almost, sort of, um, hit her. Yep. It was her. The new She Neighbor. And she was pissed. She spun around giving me the "What the hell?" hands in the air sign. You know what I'm talking about, right? I rolled down the passenger window and gave her a little wave.
Me: (smiling apologetically) I am so sorry! I didn't see you!
She: I'm right here.
Me: Um, yeah, I know. I am really sorry. Really, I am so embarrassed.
She: (shakes head and spins around, does the little "What the hell?" sign again, starts jogging away)
Junior: Yeah, I don't think you guys are gonna be friends.
Me: Yeah, well, she exercises.
I should have told her that's how we roll in this neighborhood. Instead of bringing you a muffin basket, we just try to run you down. It's our own version of hazing. Our little way of saying "Welcome!"
I replayed the whole story for Uberman. He's like "Great. We're trying to make a good impression and you tried to kill her." I didn't actually hit her. I missed her by at least 12 inches. And yeah, I probably should have been a little more careful backing out. But she was perfectly safe and sound and able to run off without any medical intervention. I don't know what she's all bent out of shape over. And I said sorry. Uberman suggested I bake them some cookies and take it over as a peace offering.
But something tells me she's not much of cookie eater. And I may have been able to overlook the jogging, but if you don't eat cookies, you're dead to me.