Friday, May 16, 2008

Oh Blog It

So I'm having a little bit of a blogging crisis. A lot of new people have stopped by lately (thanks again for the link Coffee Bean, that was really sweet). People like her and her and her. Oh and this lady has an awesome blog title. And this nice lady and this one. And this girl who told me I reminded her of her mom. Um, thanks? Your mom must rock. And be super young, hip and cool. Like me. Because I see on your profile that you are 24, and um, I really really want to take this as a compliment. I got my first blogging marriage proposal from this girl. But I think she'll change her mind when she finds out my daughter was named after a New York Yankee. (She's a Red Sox fan. Sigh.) But I hope she won't hold it against me and we can still be friends.

Everyone left really nice comments. And well, now I'm, um, scared shipless. Everyone's like "Oh April, you are so funny!" And you are right, I am. I can't help it. And thank you for noticing. But what if I'm not? What if my funny-ness just runs out? What if, I shudder to think, I can no longer find material to entertain the masses? Everything that has happened in the last few days, I am over analyzing. "Is that funny? Was that a comical moment I can spin into a blog post?? Is this moment blogworthy?" Oh the pressure! The agony and anxiety! The desire to not suck!

Why is it that blog comments are so invigorating? What is it about a real life friend or a total stranger leaving you a little note that just makes your day? Is it the acceptance? The affirmation? The reassurance that what you are writing about is worthy to be read? I have no idea what the answer is. All I know is that when I see there are comments, I am over the moon.

I think I am addicted to blogging. And all that comes with it. Writing it, reading others, commenting, reading other people's comments. There are some flipping funny people in this world. And there are some sick-o's, too. You know who you are. But I think I may have a problem. I check my comments when I get up, a few times at work, when I get home and before I go to bed. No wonder my laundry mountain is growing. Sigh. I sound pathetic.

Hi. I'm April and I'm a blog-addict. (All together, "Hi April.")

I know I am totally addicted to my cluster map. I love that little bugger. I love seeing how many hits I got each day and if I got any new red dots. But it's definitely a love-hate relationship because right now I'm a little mad at it. Why you ask? I think it's ripping me off. I think it's going skimpy on the dots. Yesterday I should have gotten a dot in New Zealand. But look at New Zealand. For those of you who are geography challenged, it's that long island south east of Australia. If you don't know where Australia is, you need to look it up on the Google. Did y'all see President Bush talking about the Google? Seriously, that man needs to stop doing interviews. So back to New Zealand. Where is my dot, Cluster Map? What the H?

Look how international I have become! I know! So exciting. Someone in Australia has looked at my blog more than 10 times. I know this because their dot is growing. How cool is that?

Nicole Kidman, if that is you - Hi and good luck with the baby. Oh and I like Keith way better than that other crazy guy you were married to.

If that dot is Hugh Jackman - What's up Baby?

If that dot is just some random person in Australia, Welcome! Let's be mates, okay? I'm not really an idiot. I mean I realize the population of Australia is over 21,000,000 (I totally just looked it up on the Wikipedia), and the chances of that dot being Nicole or Hugh are pretty slim, but you know, just in case. Either way I'm glad you're here.

I was so excited when I saw the red dot in Asia. Junior was looking at the map with me and I said "Oh look, I've got a new dot in Indonesia." And Junior says, "Um, Mom? That's Japan." Yeah, do you know how bad it sucks when you realize your 10 year old is smarter than you? Of course I played it off really well. I was all "Yeah I know, I am just making sure you are paying attention in school." And he says "Oh yeah, I know." I don't think I fooled him. But how sweet of him to not make me feel like a dumb ass.

I'm getting no love from Africa. What is up with that? It's now my goal to get a dot in Africa so instead of being international, I can be GLOBAL. I guess I need one in Antarctica too. So if any of you know anyone in Africa or Antarctica and can hook me up with a dot, well that would be so neighborly. And I'll send you a certificate that says "I was instrumental in April's successful plot for World Domination." Plus you can be a member of the blogging "In Crowd." Which means you're cool. And really, who doesn't want to be cool?

So I will leave you with this story. Yesterday I was looking at the blog titled Wonderful World of Wieners. Junior came into the office and looks at me a little funny after he sees the computer screen. "Mom? What are you looking at? Is that website appropriate? Does dad know you are looking at that? Is that why you always tell us to make wise choices when we are on the computer?" Ah, the joys of having a ten year old in public school.

Peace out Peeps.

**** UPDATE ****
Apparently I was too hard on Cluster Map. Sorry Dude. He's just a day behind on updating my dots. As you can see, I now have more dots in Australia and drumroll please . . . . a dot in New Zealand! Thank you Diet Coke Rocks! You rock too! And so does Cluster Map, just a little late.
And just out of curiosity, I have a question for the Aussies. When I was in Austria this fall they had T-shirts and keychains and coffee mugs that said "No Kangaroos in Austria." Apparently there are some really stupid people in the world, who knew? So do you guys have merchandise that says "No Von Trapps in Australia" or "The Hills Are Not Alive in Australia"? Seriously, one of you should totally market that. I am sure you get your fair share of stupid people touring down under, right? Those keychains were flying off the shelves in Salzburg. I bought one. Just saying.


Becky said...

How about a little love from Austrailia, South America, etc?

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, guess I'll eat some worms.

Don't worry if you aren't funny one day, all you'll need to do is start carrying around a camera. Then you can post pictures of like dogs humping or something...and post.

And ease up on GW...he has been one of the most steady presidents we've cigars, no sex scandals, no real estate scams gone wrong...I'd say that by today's standards, he has done pretty well. (And if there are those of you reading this thinking that he has caused the problems that have happened while he has been in Janet Parshall and let her give you an earfull!)

Peace out back at ya!

The Maid

chandy said...

I heard on the radio the other day that Dooce makes $40,000/month from ads on her site. No pressure or anything, but with all of these readers you have now, you should start pulling in some cash!

Jessie said...

You know, Chandy has a point, April. Start doing the ad things, pull in some extra cash, and have all your friends over to celebrate your success with Margaritas and Diet Coke! :) (Love that girl at dietcokerocks! LOVE IT!)

Also, I think you're going to need to start blogging in African languages in order to draw the Africans. Pick up some Arabic, Somali, Afrikaans, etc, and you'll get the traffic. There's like two billion people in Africa; except probably don't all have computers. Something to keep in mind.

I know! Buy every African a computer with an internet connection with the money you're going to make from selling Blogger Ads! And then set your website as their homepage, you'll get millions of hits a day! BRILLIANT!

Chris H said...

Ha ha, glad to see me dot came up April! You do know New Zealand is not a part of Australia eh? We are our own country.... we have bloody Kiwis! Aussy doesn't! lol..... I don't have a cluster map, I just have site meter that tells me where ya all comin' from and so far you all came from 98 countries! Awesome eh?

Chris H said...

shit ! Jessie called me a girl! Aww shucks thanks for that, I am an old crabby GRANDMA !!!! But you can still call me a girl..

Anonymous said...

at the risk of being cliche, g'day! I only just found your blog, and am enjoying it.. from australia. Totally love the slogan idea.
keep bloggin!

brookem said...

ha! you're too cute with worrying about being funny! i think the reason i liked your blog in the first place is because you dont seem like youre TRYING to be funny, it's just part of who you are. you seem really... real, you know? those are the type of blogs i like!

Katie said...

I thought of you tonight, listening to Don. ("Be real") The real you is SO funny, girlfriend, you don't even need to try. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. And I can't believe your Cluster Map. I have Cluster envy...

And as for comments, did you know that there's a quick click-of-a-button option that allows comments to be sent directly to your email? Email me if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Anonymous said...

This post absolutely cracked me up! You know you are getting worse if you start looking at the actual amount of time people are spending on your blog and trying to figure out just how much they could have read in that amount of time... not that I've ever done that.

Or... if you go around your house and make sure every computer in your house is blocked from the count on your site meter... and then gone and figured out your close friends and family members IP addresses so you can be sure to subtract them from the count... and then there is the whole unique number vs. hits. It's enough to drive you iNsAnE.

And laundry? Honey, let's talk us some laundry. I should have taken some pictures of some of the mountainous laundry piles we've had since I caught the old blog bug. Oy!

So... what are you to do? I turn off all the computers when I really need to focus and get stuff done. You don't need to worry about being funny and coming up with material for your blog... your Random Letters post shows that you can take the every day mundane stuff and kick it out. This post was very funny as well. Or... you can do what I do... link to someone else's funny posts!

Now... a bit of warning about the old World of Weiners... she has posted stuff before that was... er... questionable. Hallie... if you read this... YOU know what I am talking about! So you know, she posted a picture of a guy in some get up with his berries actually hanging out... I went blind for a couple of days. She will also find disgusting facts to make you afraid to leave your toothbrush in the bathroom.

Me_Again said...

Thanks April, you linked me, no one, besides my boyfriend has done that. Go figure. I'm a blogging-slacker, I post infrequently and it takes me like 2 days to respond to my comments (mostly from my boyfriend-haha) and sometimes I just like to read blogs that I happen to like and I don't comment, not that I don't have anything to say, I'm just a lazy typer, but where was this comment going?
P.S. You are beyond funny, but I can't think of the right word.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I am laughing my butt off! This blog was awesome and NOT just cuz you called ma NICE LADY!! And not because my blog titled raised the alarm for your kiddo! I LOVE IT!!

I have no idea why everyone gets all hung up ab out my title - I am ONLY talking about doggies not those OTHER KINDS OF WIENERS!!

And don't you dare listen to COFFEE BEAN!! My stuff is NEVER questionable - it is always informative and interesting and honest!! And if a few dangling berries end up on there now and then, so be it!

Hallie :)

Anonymous said...

Oh April... soooooooo listen to me!

Hallie! I want you to buy me a new toothbrush!

Bogart in P Towne said...

It is called blogitis and I once wrote about it on my blog. It is an illness that gets really bad for a while, tails off a bit, and then continues to hit you forever at random times. No use fighting it, just embrace your inner blog.

WILLIAM said...

You remind me of my Grand mother. Hows that.

aschmoel said...

Oh KILL me. This post and more importantly the update to the post, had me peeing my pants! Not good when I sit in a fishbowl and everyone can see me @ work.

love ya!
your friend with the naughty initials...=)

Caitlin said...

April!! I am beyond flattered! Delayed in reading and responding to blogs and ABSOLUTELY flattered. So much so that I can forgive you the egregious error of being a Yankees fan. I'm open minded. I can move beyond it. Pinky swear.

Honestly, I understand your struggle with the 'maintaining the blog' bit, and have been terrible at it lately, mostly because it's been more of an EFFORT to come up with blogs. However, the reason my blog is called Caitlins Brain, is because that's all it is. I had all these ideas and commentary swirling around up there, and writing them down and getting them out there became like draining my mental bathtub -- good for me to do, and apparently not too shabby for those people (person?) that read it.

Don't overthink it, is what I'm saying. Just keep doing what you're doing and we'll all be here for the ride!

Kathy said...

You are hilarious!