I really should have thought this thing out a little more clearly. I am kind of an enigma in the fact that I am a planner, and yet I'm not. I can be compulsive, and yet I can think things through, debate the pros and cons, and then come to a decision. I like spontaneity, and yet I don't like surprises. Are you following me?? No?? I know, I am nuts.
So when I started the whole blog thing, I never really thought anyone but my friends and family would read it. I thought it would be a cool way of keeping people informed about the happenings in our lives. And I also really felt it would be a great creative outlet for me. I could get all the jumbled thoughts and tangled mess out of my brain. I have always loved to write, so what a great way to expand that hobby, right? Right?
Well, yes and no.
There are two things I wish I had thought out.
First, and I realized this almost immediately, I should have stayed anonymous. I should have done this for me and me alone. My little secret world. That way I could vent about the things that irritate me. And when I say things, I really mean people. I could have given everyone code names that match their personality. I could have talked about this person, or what someone said when that happened. I could have said all the things I want to but can't.
Do you know why I didn't do this?? Because, and this may surprise some of you, ha ha, I am way too much of an attention whore. I know! What an embarrassing thing to admit! But I want to be myself, I want to be honest. I am not a meek, mild little girl. I am loud. I am boisterous. I am extroverted. And while I hate to say I thrive on the attention of other people, I do tend to bloom when I know people are paying attention. There I said it. I admit it. I just put it all out there and now you know. The thought of writing all these posts and not receiving back any positive reinforcement made me feel like a dried up, wilted flower. And I can't have that, now can I? So of course the obvious thing to do was tell my friends. "Hey, I started a blog! Come read it!" And then sit back, and bask in the glow of their adoration.
The second thing I did not think about, and this is the most important, I never realized how it might affect my family. I never took their feelings into consideration. I was so focused on my new form of free therapy, I didn't even realize they might be a little uncomfortable with me revealing personal information for all the world. Yes! The world!! As you can see, I now have a dot in Africa. There are a whole lotta strangers reading about my life. And that doesn't bother me. But it may bother some people close to me, and that hurts my heart a little.
Now I have never posted anything too personal. And I think my lovely husband was a little terrified that everything he did, everything we discussed, every embarrassing or intimate moment had the potential to be my next post. I always kind of felt there were some topics that were completely off limits. But my idea of what is private may be different from my family's idea of what is private. I will still talk about them. I will still tell the funny stories, provided they are not hurtful to others. But I won't refer to any of them by their real names anymore. I realize it's a little late and I already have named them. But from this point on, my husband is Uberman (yeah, I totally came up with that name on my own), my oldest son is Junior, my middle son is Mac and my daughter is Boo.
And yes, I went back through my old posts and changed their names.
My family is my top priority. I would hate it if something I said or did hurt them in any way. But if anyone out there is reading this and is thinking of starting a blog of their own, my advice is to stay anonymous. I really wish I had.