Saturday, March 8, 2008

No Longer Jessie's Girl

There is a TV in the office at work. Usually it is set to CNBC so we can keep track of the market and try to predict where interest rates are headed throughout the day. But for some reason the other day it was on an A&E Biography marathon. Now I will admit it out loud, I am a dork. I love these biographies and have watched them on so many people I couldn't give a hoot about, but still found something fascinating about that person. So imagine my sheer delight when the one that was on at that particular time just so happened to be devoted to my first celebrity crush - Rick Springfield!!

I had posters of Rick on the walls of my bedroom. I had his records. Yes, I said records. Oh how I wished I was Jessie's Girl. My mom used to surprise me with issues of Tiger Beat so I could get all the latest facts on Rick and cut out his pictures. When I stayed home sick from school I watched General Hospital just to see him as the hunky Dr. Noah Drake. Yes, I said hunky. He was my Zac Efron before there was a Zac Efron. If there had been a backpack with his picture on it, I would have carried that backpack with pride from fifth grade through seventh.

Sadly, my love affair with Rick faded after I removed his picture from my locker at the end of the seventh grade. He was replaced throughout the years with various celebrity crushes: C. Thomas Howell (Pony Boy from the Outsiders, duh), Duran Duran, Kirk Cameron, Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson (before I knew he was a racist alcoholic), Matthew McConaughey, Clive Owen, and now my current crush - Daniel Craig (oh come on, you loved him in the little blue swim trunks too.) And just in case you're a little concerned, Uberman (my husband) has his list too: Selma Hayek, Eva Longoria, Jessica Biel, Charlize Theron and Olympic softball player Jennie Finch (but he says it could never work between him and Jennie because she went to U of A).

Even though my love faded, I always had a place in my heart for Rick. I think my infatuation with him, and my mom supplying the Tiger Beat, is what got my celebrity gossip obsession started. Tiger Beat led me to Bop, which eventually led me to People, but that stopped giving me the buzz I needed, and now I can't start my day without a hit of Perez Hilton.

So anyhoo, I found myself fascinated in front of the TV hearing all these little facts about Rick that I had forgotten or never knew. Or was too distracted by his tall dark and handsome-ness to notice. First of all, in 2009 Rick will turn 60. Yes, I said 60. My dad is going to be 60 in two weeks. A dad should be 60. A heart throb, no where near 60. (And don't start in about Sean Connery. He's not handsome, he's old.) I was surprised, and a little appalled, to see how very sweaty Rick was in all his concert pictures. I mean unusually sweaty. Like, just stepped out of the shower soaking wet, but not in a hot, sexy way. His clothes were interesting, but hey it was the 80's and we were all wearing bright colors to distract from our big hair, right? And let's face it, Dr. Noah Drake was a McDreamy in his own right, but did we really believe he actually knew how to use that stethoscope, let alone save our life in a medical emergency? I am not so sure acting was Rick's thing. One interesting little nugget of information I never knew: he used to date Linda Blair (yup, from the Exorcist). They actually lived together. Now I am not judging the fact that they lived together. What I am judging is this: at the time he was 24. And she was . . . 15. Yes, I said fifteen. One Five. Uuummmm . . . Ew? They never told us that in Tiger Beat. I kind of chuckled a little because the narrator said they moved in together "with her mother's permission." What the hell was wrong with her mother?? So I tell Uberman this little fact and his response was "Wow, it's not like he was Elvis." Which for obvious reasons, cracked me up.

So yeah, after watching that Biography, I was totally grossed out and a little disappointed in Rick. And then the worst part was, I had Jessie's Girl stuck in my head all day. I even woke up in the middle of the night with it. Have you ever really listened to the words? It's terrible! "I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot." Seriously? He couldn't think of another word to rhyme with cute? I was in agony. I'd rather have a migraine than that crap swimming around in my head again.

So I guess the bloom is off the rose. There is no room in my heart for Rick anymore. It's over. We had twenty five years together, and now I think he's just . . . well . . . icky. Yes, I said icky. I wonder how I'll feel about Daniel's little blue swim trunks in 25 years?


Jessie said...

Oh, Ewwww about Rick and the 15-year old. Brandon's hilarious.

I am a recovering General Hospital addict, and Dr. Noah Drake returned for a part-time gig. He still doesn't look 60, but neither does the actress who plays Bobbie, Dr. Drake's long-time flame. Well, Bobbie kind of looks 60 with all the plastic surgery, fake lips and boobs. Have you seen her recently? Seriously, someone give her a clue.

Anyways, you are hilarious. "Couldn't he come up with something else to rhyme with cute?" I never thought about that. Now I can't stand the song, either!

Opening my eyes every time I talk to you.

By the way, NO the swim trunks won't get gross in 25 years. He's way hot, especially almost naked.

Also, love your list.

BB said...

You are so hilarious....I am still laughing. I remember 25 years ago laughing at the moot thing, and the radio announcers commenting about nothing else rhyming with the cute so they picked sad! Oh, I also heard on a radio talk show that there was actually a Jesse's girl and he dated her before he met his wife. Whatever !!

I think you should get Brandon a pair of those short blue swim trunks. Let me know how that works out for ya.

I'm sure you will crack us up with that story