I had an epiphany today. An Ah-ha or Light Bulb moment, if you will.
I have been dealing with a particularly difficult person recently. Someone who has frustrated and annoyed me to the point of blood boiling, finger trembling anger all week. No, it's not you.
So today, after an upsetting confrontation in which this person was extremely condescending and obnoxious, I lost my cool. Now normally I am very concerned about being a pleasant and helpful individual. I am always preaching about taking the higher road and being the better person and all that BS. Uberman says I can let people walk all over me. But when I have had enough, I let you know. Sometimes it feels so good to stand up and stop being a doormat. And sometimes it's just not worth it, and the only thing I accomplished was giving the person the satisfaction of sinking to their level. And that was the case today.
I was driving home, feeling deflated and defeated, and still pretty, um . . . well . . . pissed off, to be frank. My jaw was clenched and I was white knuckling the steering wheel, grinding my teeth and trying not to cry. Seriously, this person is so not worth the waste of good department store mascara. But I couldn't help it. I wallowed in it for a good part of my drive to pick the boys up from school. It slowly became less about this one particular rotten, piece of crap person and more about all the rotten, piece of crap people who have passed through my life and have said hurtful things or wronged me in some way. I seriously started taking inventory of all the heartless, cruel, spiritually dead, freaking oblivious to the feelings of others, mean, evil people I have met, and wondering Why God? Why?? Why would You allow these horrible excuses for human beings to invade my peaceful world and cloud my aura? Not that I necessarily believe in auras, but still.
That's when I was distracted from my pity party by the millions of purple wildflowers growing on the side of the road. Now anyone who knows me knows I am not a fan of the Arizona landscape. It was not my choice to move to this vast, dirt encrusted wasteland of tumbleweeds and cactus at the age of 14. As an adult I could have moved, I know. But then I fell in love, and this is the only place he's ever lived and he's happy here. What are you gonna do?
But it is springtime. The weather is perfection right now. We've had an unusual amount of rain recently, so the mountains (that are really hills) and land around us that are normally brown, dusty, dry and spotted with the occasional cactus or palm tree, are now this beautiful and soothing shade of sage green. There are bursts of bright colors everywhere you look. Yellow and orange lantana, hot pink bougainvillea, red and salmon-pink hibiscus. Even the weeds are blooming these beautiful purple, orange and yellow flowers throughout the open desert areas.
I took a deep breath, relaxed my fingers and jaw, and smiled. Even in the ugliest, most arid and deserted of places, you can still, occasionally, find something beautiful.
And that's when my light bulb went on.